family photos/awards
Apologies for slacking on this email thing. I have two legitimate excuses, one of which follows in story form. I’ll save the next one for next time.
Family funeral
My great-aunt Shirley (my mother’s aunt) died in April. She was 95. Six years ago, when they were putting my mother into the ground, Shirley was sitting next to me, holding my hand tightly through the whole thing. The only time I ever start to cry is when I think about that moment of kindness.
My great-grandfather (Shirley’s father) was a farmer. His main crop was shade-grown tobacco, something that is used to make cigar wrappers. All I know about this industry is that the harvested tobacco is stored in these giant rickety barns straight out of a Grant Wood painting, one natural disaster short of collapsing. For some reason the huge structures are called “sheds.”
When I checked into my hotel the night before the interment, I walked right past the giant photo above. My uncle, however, stopped in his tracks — that was our family’s tobacco shed. He pointed out parts on the side that he used to climb in and out of when he was a kid. Good job, Marriott, for including local history as part of the decor?
Family photos
You know how at funerals and memorial services, there are tons of family photos on tables near the guest book? Shirley’s funeral was no different. Every wall in Shirley’s home, every surface, was covered with already-framed photos of her with her daughter, her son, her grandkids. Shirley’s daughter had plenty to choose from to bring to the funeral home.
Because my own mother spent the last 10 years of her life planning her funeral (and asset distribution), I didn’t have to select any photos for the event. Which is lucky for me, because my mother decorated her apartment with her own accomplishments and accolades. In case you think I’m exaggerating, here’s a sample of her wall art, which I found in my brother’s basement in the piles of Mom Shit we (still) don’t know what to do with:
A Certificate of Appreciation for her tenure as 2006-2007 President of the National Capital Area Chapter of the International Association for Energy Economics.
“Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Joint Distinguished Civilian Service Award.” I think this was her ultimate achievement, the BIG award at the end of her career.
A Certificate of Appreciation from the National Association for Energy Economics’ National Capital Area Chapter, something about “Prospects for Caspian Oil & Gas.”
A Certificate of Recognition from the Industrial College of the Armed Forces for Outstanding Research Contribution, a reference to her book about energy and politics in the Caspian region. I once tried reading it and passed out by page 3.
A Certificate of Training that she had completed the Los Alamos National Laboratory’s “Political and Technical Aspects of the Nuclear Nonproliferation Workshop.”
A CIA award for Natural Gas Analyst of the Decade that reads, “For the diligence she has shown in blocking the Soviet gas advance, making the Norwegian Troll field profitable, keeping Canadian trade free, forcing the Algerians to be more flexible, keeping the Dutch negotiating, and finally for just being there to be our friend… and knowing all those damn conversions by heart.” Whew! Who knew the Algerians were such a pain in the ass? Or that Norway had trolls?
The National Intelligence Medal of Achievement, presented by the National Foreign Service Intelligence Community, for “her extraordinary contributions to the U.S. Department of Energy’s Office of Foreign Intelligence” during and after Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm.
I headed down to that basement intent on making a point: That my mother’s priorities were fucked. At least compared to Shirley’s.
But as I looked through all those awards, I realized her work brought her 100 times more joy and satisfaction that her husband or children ever did. She worked her ass off, had a hell of a career, and was rightfully proud of what she accomplished.
And to be fair, she did have a photo of Paddie near her desk.
Links
“Researchers have correspondingly found that children who perceive rejection from their parents are less likely to resemble them, whereas those raised in a warm, loving home were more like their parents.” (Atlantic)
If you also loved the 1990s TV show “Living Single,” FYI that Erika Alexander and Kim Coles are doing a Re-Living Single podcast, and it’s awesome. (YouTube)
Apparently there is a California accent? (Alta)
Women rely partly on smell when choosing friends. (Ars Technica)
48 things women hear in a lifetime (that men just don’t). (Kottke)
Incredible photos of the insides of musical instruments. (My Modern Met)
Excited to read That's How They Get You. (Publisher’s site)