Donation feedback
A regular volunteer shift at A Wider Circle is supposed to be two hours. I recently spent six hours there, sorting through 800+ pounds of donated clothing like a goddamn boss, reducing the to-be-sorted pile by maybe 20%.
I haven’t had a drop of alcohol since I was in Poland last month, but now I’m fantasizing about knocking back a few and taking over the nonprofit’s Instagram/Twitter accounts to get a few things off my chest.
I wouldn’t actually do this, of course. I once had an opportunity to cause all kinds of hell for a major financial institution when its CEO was testifying before Congress. I had the password to a corporate Twitter account, but did not have the balls to type “F*** Elizabeth Warren.” Catholic school ruined me.
Anyway, here’s a few imaginary posts:
“To the children or grandchildren who donated the seven contractor-sized bags of outdated old man clothes: We know losing an elderly relative is hard, and that you’re in a hurry to empty the house so you can get it on the market. But every single item in those bags is stained, torn, the crotch blown out, ring around the collar, buttons missing, zippers busted, oh god is that a piss stain??? You shouldn’t get a tax deduction for this; you should get a bill for our disposal costs. And you’re going to hell for letting that poor old man walk around in those disgusting clothes.”
“To Scott, who wrote his name on so many of his hangers: She dumped you, right? And gave you until the end of the month to move out of her apartment? But dude, come on. Spreading a bed sheet out on the floor, laying 63 shirts — still on hangers — on top of said sheet, and then tying the opposite corners of the sheet together to make a giant, unwieldy bundle? It’s giving serial killer vibes. Maybe don’t re-download the apps right away and instead, find a therapist.”
“To the size 14 woman who donated more than $3000 worth of Lafayette 148 and Akris Punto dresses, suits, blouses, and pants, many of them brand-new with tags: Thank you for your generosity and damn, you’ve got exquisite taste! We hope we’re not getting these clothes because you died, but rather because you either gained or lost weight and as a result, these things no longer fit you. We picture you as a larger version of Kamala Harris. Psst: We take high-end handbags too.”
Links
I signed up for this online class where they send you one writing prompt a day, so I will basically have homework. Sharing this mostly to hold myself accountable. (Narratively)
They’ve finally figured out a less painful/invasive way to do pap smears. (NYT)
As the child of two economists, I appreciate this headline. (Atlantic)
Find out if the latest hackers got your SSN. (Mashable)
Make dense memories to slow the passage of time. (Inc)
On the dating cesspool: “Women have started doing work that men haven’t.” (Instagram)
If I lived near honking robot cars, I’d be buying metal bats off Amazon. (NBC Bay Area)
Amazing photos of music fans at concerts. The Oasis ones are hilarious. (Artist’s website)
Forgot about the visual appeal of cassette tapes. (Colossal)
Meet Lucy May. She’s a very good girl. (Boing Boing)
“Never thought we’d improv to a diss track.” I love this so much. (Instagram)
Power-mad NPR announces giant desk concerts. (Hard Times)
Crowdsourcing a playlist
Another place I volunteer is doing a project next month where people will sign up to cook casseroles and other food for people living in shelters, low-income seniors, etc. I think it would be fun to create some kind of virtual community activity around a Spotify playlist with songs about food and cooking. And then encourage other people to add songs. I’m still trying to figure it all out, like how to make the playlist edit-able, but I’m hoping you might have some suggestions of songs to add to this list. As always you can reply directly to this email and next time I will share a working Spotify link. Thanks!