Big Bertha speaks
TO: Olivier Krueger, Lufthansa CMO
FR: Big Bertha, Airbus A380
RE: Improvements to our ad campaigns
As you may be aware, our summer seasonal campaign describes me as “An Unforgettable Experience.” The ad agency you hired failed to consider how this message would land (ahem) with customers who are afraid of flying.
I’m sitting on the tarmac at Dulles — boarding hasn’t started yet — and inside the terminal there‘s a middle-aged woman pacing and muttering to herself. It looks like she is clutching a small bottle of generic Klonopin. I don’t think she realized, when she bought her ticket, that she would be flying to Munich on the world’s largest passenger plane.
This is the type of customer who wants an entirely forgettable experience on an airplane. Getting up to “22” as she counts the number of flight crew? Imagining how fast all 5000 tons of me might fall out of the sky? Hell yeah I’m unforgettable — because I'm her worst nightmare.
I realize my job is more mechanical than creative, but those posters have my face on them. This is personal.
We have a fantastic opportunity here to delight ALL our customers. Instead of nine identical posters in the terminal, let’s do nine different versions with more engaging copy. For example:
Safer Than Boeing
More Comfortable Too
Way Less Turbulence
Much, Much Quieter
Fewer Meds Needed
We Don’t Murder Whistleblowers
We Got This
You Got This
Suck It, Southwest
OK, boarding has started so I gotta jet (← see what I did there???). I’m sure I’ll think of a few more once we get to 40,000 feet.
Respectfully,
Big Bertha
PS: Do you need some ideas for TikTok? How about me slowly cruising past Drake’s plane at the Toronto airport, with “They Not Like Us” playing? Or me passing smaller planes on a runway, with that Ludacris song? We’d go viral!
Links
I drove a Cybertruck around SF because I am a smart, cool alpha male. (SFGate)
Shingles vaccines may reduce dementia risk. (CNN)
Marimekko’s online database of patterns goes back to the 1940s. (Marimekko)
There is a monthly golden retriever meetup at a beach in Charleston. (Instagram)
Biden cancels campaign citing low ticket sales. (Hard Times)