almost home
[Alt text: Wool slippers that look like badgers.]
The last time I wrote, I think I was hunkered down in a New York hotel room, waiting for the results of my PCR test. Which never came. Because you can get a PCR test on practically any street corner in Manhattan, but when you email them a full week later to ask about your results, you’ll get an “apology” email explaining that “some results did not reach the clients,” so “please take the test again.”
Six or seven days later, I was back in DC to look at an apartment (for which I have since signed a lease), and wanted some reassurance that I wasn’t a walking petri dish. I probably went into 8 different CVS stores looking for rapid tests. Nothing. I finally found a test at a Target. A bullshit one that insisted I use an app to send my results to my phone. $25 and 15 minutes later, I got this:
[Alt text: Screenshot of an email that says my covid test had a "technical problem."]
Meanwhile, Biden’s trying to get his approval rating up by… offering me 4 at-home tests? OK great, but what happens the week after that? The public sector is offering $50 worth of band-aids to treat bullet wounds, while the private sector can’t figure out the basic capitalism required to keep food on grocery store shelves. And in the middle of all this, as the dead bodies pile up, Microsoft comes up with almost $69 billion – in cash – to buy a video game company. Hashtag USA.
Some updates, impressions, and stories from the last couple weeks:
A mobile notary met me in the lobby of my shitty Days Inn (which doubles as a DC homeless shelter) so I could sign away my San Francisco apartment. Closing was pushed out a week, because of course the buyer had covid, but I got a text message from the realtor today saying that it was done. The whole process was anxiety-inducing and disgusting and I honestly don’t know how real estate agents sleep at night. But I will save that story for another time, after the money has made it into my account.
East coast Amtrak: The Acela is perfect and worth the extra money. (Acela would be a great baby name.) Amtrak conductors do not fuck around. My favorite was the guy lecturing us about face masks: “Your mask is not a chin diaper. It is not an earring. Your political views and your vaccination status do... not... matter.”
Weather: I had forgotten about that very specific late-fall smell of rotting wet leaves. And the exhilarating smell that comes with snow. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed both. 40 degrees on the east coast is a lot warmer than 40 degrees on the west coast, because there’s a lot less moisture in the air here. My hair has wilted and shrunk. (It will get huge again in the summer.)
Driving: I had serious road rage my first six months in San Francisco and had to make a concerted effort to let it go, to not be in a hurry, to tolerate sloppy and distracted driving. Coming back to the east coast, I was psyching myself up to get all aggro again, but so far the drivers (outside of New Jersey, of course) seem almost timid. I’m used to speed bumps and even speed humps, but DC now has speed “tables.” It seems excessive.
DC area: Think of the fugliest, most over-developed, clusterfucktastic suburb you’ve ever seen. Turn that up to eleven and you get Bethesda, Maryland. They have really outdone themselves and should get some kind of award. At the other extreme is Rock Creek Park, with miles and miles of paved and unpaved trails, surrounded by trees and nature, right in the middle of the city. Whenever I walk down there, I think about how much my dog would have loved it.
Home: I will finally have one on Saturday. It will take me a few weeks to unpack and settle in, but there is an extra bedroom for friends passing through for gigs, vacations, book tours, etc. BYO covid test.
Links
“And Just Like That’s argument is that the humiliations don’t stop, they just change. They might even be tougher to avoid when age has worn the optimism down.” All of this. (Vox)
If you hate real estate agents and/or your HOA fills you with rage, I hope you enjoy this thread half as much as I did. (Reddit)
Look at this LL Cool J statue. (Instagram)
Life imitating art. Or something. (Twitter)
Awesome snowplow names. I think Michigan wins. (Boing Boing)
Planters that look like Soviet housing. (Colossal)
Dresses made out of books. (Artist’s site)
I enjoyed these “wrong number” text conversations. (Demilked)
A baby doll riding a toy Vespa gets beat to shit but keeps on going. This is definitely a metaphor for something. (Twitter)
I got totally sucked into the second season of the Wu-Tang series on Hulu. I don’t think you need to be a Wu-Tang fan to appreciate it (I only know like five of their songs) because it’s such a great story. (YouTube)
Paul Ford’s latest: A grand unified theory of buying stuff. (Wired)
Speaking of buying stuff, I picked these up and love them. Thanks, Rihanna. (Bloomingdales)
One of the hotels I stayed at had the most incredible pillows I’ve ever slept on. I can’t believe I’m seriously considering spending this much money on a pillow. (Hotel Supplies Group)
Republican doesn't want trans kid hiding in bathroom with their child during school shooting. (Hard Times)
For next week
I'm kind of starting life over, two months before I turn 50. It's exciting but also a little scary. So I'd love to hear any stories you have about "starting over" as adults, whether that's career or family upheavals, big moves, major lifestyle changes, etc. Basically: What prompted the change, and what about making that change surprised you? You can reply to this email and anything I share will be anonymous.