How well dressed are you?
Before my son started school, he went to nursery on the campus of the University of Birmingham where my partner works. When collecting him I’d sometimes take the scenic walk through campus which was always filled with irritatingly young-looking students having fun with their carefree lives (not that I felt bitter). Sometimes I’d look at what they were wearing and feel perplexed to see them basically in the same kind of clothes me and my friends wore 20 years ago.
It’s quite a hit to the ego to realise you’re old enough for fashion to have come full circle again, but I also remember kidding myself that I could pass for a student. Not because I look particularly youthful (two kids will see to that), but because I still basically dress like I did a decade or so ago. Black jeans, trainers, and a t-shirt/hoodie combo. If I’m feeling like I need to “make an effort” I might stretch to a plaid shirt or, very occasionally, a cardigan.
Why am I writing about this? Because I don’t really know how to dress, and I’m worried that I’m too close to 40 now to get away with dressing like I’m 20. But I don’t know many men my age who seem to have a handle on this, either. Men, how do you dress?!
It could just be me (and my line of work, eg. software engineering) but I know that whenever I try anything more formal than the outfit described above, it makes me look—and feel—like I’m dressing for a job several levels above me. The one time I wore a plain, non-checked shirt to work (because the CEO was visiting and I had to present to her), one of my colleagues immediately skewered me with the single word “shirt” in greeting, and I laughed. Maybe you can’t just reinvent your wardrobe to people you already know?! For my next job I can start afresh and be known as that guy who always wears braces, or something.
This is one area where women seem to have it easier. Although men’s bodies and sartorial choices are obviously not held up to the same scrutiny and criticism as women’s, there seems to be more choice (and more maturity) available to them, both professionally and socially. I’d love to have this freedom of expression, but perhaps it’s just down to me building the confidence to dress in a way more befitting someone of my age/style.
I should clarify at this point that two of my close friends Sean and T are both excellently-dressed men, and I know Sean in particular manages to make this look effortless. I don’t know if this is a cultural thing – both of them grew up outside the UK and have lived in multiple countries since I’ve known them. Maybe this builds your confidence in your appearance and style?
To be honest these aren’t conversations I’ve had with basically any of my man friends besides the two named above. I don’t have the vocabulary to describe what I need here. But when I walk around Marks and Spencer looking for clothes I keep noticing the other men shopping there who are several decades older than me, and find myself thinking that there must be better options than this, surely?!
Mini feels this week
The joy of the new
We got a new office at work this week, after a month of enforced home working while the new place was kitted out. I was overjoyed to be somewhere other than my spare bedroom to work, even if the internet was slower and the coffee beans cheaper (I’m a snob, I’m sorry). It’s kind of amazing the difference it can make just seeing people you care about in person and feeding off that energy, even as an introvert.
One little moment that stood out was when I saw a colleague I haven’t seen in person in a long time. We passed by chance as I was heading up to the elevator as he left it. We greeted each other and I touched his arm briefly in passing, and he stopped and leaned back through the crowd of people to touch mine back. It was nothing, a tiny gesture of greeting and recognition, but it made me smile as I returned up the lift to the office to think about the importance of human connection and how little gestures and symbols can express a lot in just a moment.
That’s all for this week – I’m off to London this weekend to do Christmas things with the in-laws, and take baby Robin for her first visit to the capital. On Monday the builders are scheduled to start work turning my now-empty shed into a home office and I couldn’t be more excited. Watch out for an update soon!