Being a "fixer" of problems
The difficult second newsletter – thanks to all the new subscribers who are interested in hearing about, well, man feelings. Turns out there are at least a few folks who think this is a good idea, which is equal parts encouraging and daunting. On with the issue!
Being a “fixer”
Are you a fixer? Someone who instinctively tries to repair things, I mean. Probably not in a DIY context— although I’m sure those people exist and might even be competent at it—but in the sense of assessing a new situation, deciding you’ve got the measure of it, and trying to step in and sort it out.
This is something I’ve heard frequently from my partner. It’s a fairly well-established cliche now of the oblivious person who immediately attempts to solve someone else’s problem as it’s described to them, instead of just shutting up and listening to it, which is what the other person actually wants. I’d like to think I’m better at this now than I used to be, but I wonder if it’s something that particularly afflicts men, given its close proximity to mansplaining.
I still have issues with this when it comes to technology. Working in software development means you see all problems reduced to their technical domain, regardless of whether they’re really tech-related. Software engineers are prone to underestimating work, confidently predicting they can knock out a quick bit of code in between coffee breaks to solve some fundamental business problem. Sometimes this can be true. Most often, though, these quick hacks end up being ill-tested, poorly supported, and usually done to show off the skills of the “fixer” instead of confirming it actually solved the problem.
In my son’s first week at school recently we were inundated with letters, all delivered via his bookbag. Can we bring in cash (or a cheque!) for £5.70 to pay for his milk? Can we specify if we want him to sign up for extracurricular French class? Can we fill in his reading diary? If we’re paying for school dinners, can we please pay separately from the milk money as they’re on two completely different systems?
The computer nerd in me immediately began “fixing” this problem, at least, in my head. Surely it shouldn’t be incumbent on parents to figure out the admin implications of the school’s internal budgeting systems? “Don’t Make Me Think”, come on! Here’s my cheque for £20, why can’t your system automatically deduct the milk money from the lunch costs? In fact, why can’t I just pay digitally? Hell, I could probably knock up a quick webapp this weekend to take payments and store them in an account for each parent… you could probably even integrate push notifications for the school newsletter. And an authorisation module for consent forms…
I have to consciously catch myself embarking on these fantasies and remind myself I’m being an arrogant tech bro. My kid’s barely been at the school for five minutes and I’ve spent approximately 30 minutes in the company of the teachers. What on earth do I know about the complexities of running a school, handling safeguarding, dealing with the council’s pupil funding system or ensuring privacy for minors? Absolutely nothing.
Maybe this is just me, but maybe it’s a fairly common “man feeling”. You see a problem, you want to fix it. You probably haven’t thought too much about the cause of the problem, or whether the people who’ve “caused” it are already aware of it, have desperately tried to improve it already, and if they’re trapped in some labyrinth of compliance and regulations where they literally can’t afford to do anything about it.
The lesson? Shut up, sit down and just pay for the milk by cheque like everyone else. It’s not your job to be a “fixer”.
Mini feels this week
Banter not required
Why do I feel like I need to prove I can “do” banter? I just had to be the funny dad in the school group chat, didn’t I (it was a good joke, but I couldn’t stop myself could I)
Why can’t Check A Trade just tell you what the rules are
I’m trying to hire a contractor to convert my shed into an office. I submitted a quote request online, a few people said they were “interested”; one texted me to say he wasn’t available for a while. When I didn’t reply, he texted me a single “?!” several days later. WHAT AM I MEANT TO DO HERE. I just want to pay another bloke to come and make my shed look like a house, why is this so difficult. It’s like online dating.
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That’s all for this issue. Tell me what you think below, and share it with any friends you think might be interested. Until next week!
– Matt