Notes on Writing: The Public and The Private

A strange thing happens when you put stories out into the world.

I’m sure most of you are familiar with how I got here, with a book about to come out next week. The abridged version is I wrote a short story, wrote more short stories, and then decided to write a series of novels. Longer still, and slightly more complicated, is the actual version.

But I already told that story in the author’s notes:

‘Leather and Lace’ first appeared as a short story in the pages of Twisted Romance from Image Comics. It was a project organized by comics writer, director, and novelist Alex de Campi. Alex assembled a diverse group of comics artists and prose writers to create a genre-crashing romance anthology that spoke to all our strengths. She sent me a private message on Twitter in September 2017 and was kind enough to tell me (in a caring and supportive way, of course) that I was going to contribute a story.

All I could think of was a monster-hunting romcom, combining my love of pulpy monster-of-the-week procedurals with good old-fashioned monster romance. Thus, Dorian Villeneuve and Cash Leroy were born: a paranormal buddy hunter couple, consisting of a sarcastic goth vampire with an emotional support Chihuahua and a good-natured country boy who stanned for Stevie Nicks.  With Alex’s blessing, I wrote ‘Leather and Lace,’ my tongue-in-cheek spin on Supernatural through the lens of Dean Winchester and Castiel getting together and hunting a family of murderous weredeer.

Twisted Romance #1 arrived in February 2018, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Our little anthology went on to garner some critical success and a few award nominations, including an Eisner nod at San Diego ComicCon. In the end, I felt pretty good about what I did for that project and decided that would be the end of Dorian Villeneuve and Cash Leroy while I went on to work on other books.

As you can see, that didn’t happen.

It’s actually quite a strange situation to be on the other side of it now. From the initial story and its reception to writing two books and querying them, only to conclude that I should put the books out myself. I started a Patreon dedicated to releasing short stories in 2018, after Twisted Romance and a cross-country move. I just shut down that Patreon this week, with some hesitance and mourning, after putting out dozens of short stories and reams of supplemental material.

The process of adapting ‘Leather and Lace’ has been difficult—a lot of scrapped plans, hard revisions, and things left on the cutting room floor. A lot of things that didn’t serve me, even if they seemed like good ideas at the time, all hacked to bits. It was fun, too, of course. I love these characters more than any other characters and writing them has been both a massive undertaking and sincere joy. But the strangeness of it lies in the nature of that undertaking.

Going from the public world to a private one and back again has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Public, because Twisted Romance meant my name in the credits and mentioned in write-ups and reviews. Because it meant more people read my story at once than ever before and possibly since. Then I retreated inside the shelter of my Patreon paywall to release new stories on a semi-monthly basis for the next three years. I collected little anthologies here and there, sending them out into the world like messages in bottles. Even that felt private, in some ways, because they largely stayed within the small garden of readers I had cultivated.

Here we are now with Leather and Lace: Book One of the Southern Gothic Series about to come out. Dorian and Cash have been out in the world in the form of advance reader copies, hiding in people’s e-readers and inboxes while I hustle for pre-launch reviews. We’re outside the safety of my little garden now, with our in-jokes and memes. Dorian and Cash will either make sense to people, or they won’t.

They will resonate, or not. None of this is up to me. People either love it, or they sincerely don’t. But I knew that going into this, choosing to self-fund and self-publish a book I was told couldn’t sell.

And it still feels so private, like I’m just writing stories and sending sharing them with my garden. Every review I see posted to NetGalley or GoodReads seems unreal. I’ve received some kind words from fairly respectable people in the writing world, and I’m so confused to find that anyone else has read the book, let alone enjoyed it. Perhaps it’s healthier for me to feel this way, comfortable in my own quiet corner, oblivious and expecting nothing.

It's a self-funded, self-published book, after all. You can only do so much, plan for so much, and then the rest is out of your hands.

Which is why it’s all a bit strange to be here. Even if this book bombs—if most people hate it, and only my little reading garden enjoys what I’ve done here—I will write the next book. And the next. The sequel is in revisions, and I’m plotting the third book. I have plans for 7-8 books, depending on how the writing shakes out over the next few installments. This is what I decided back in 2018 when a short story turned out to be much longer than I thought, and readers reacted so strongly that I pushed my other projects aside to follow this road to its logical conclusion.

It's a bit anti-climactic in that respect. It doesn’t make for much of a story. I don’t have a career to tank with a bad book, and no one has figured out how to stop me from publishing yet. Failure is only what I make of it, and, to me, failure would be giving up on the books.

So, come what may, I’ll see everyone on the other side.

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Notes on an Essay: A Monstress Comes of Age - Horror & Girlhood by Yhara Zayd

“It is women who love horror. Gloat over it. Feed on it. Are nourished by it. Shudder and cling and cry out-and come back for more.”

Bela Lugosi

It felt appropriate, here in Women in Horror Month, to share one of my favorite video essayists. In this essay, Yhara Zayd offers a brief but nuanced overview of women in horror cinema, both in front of and behind the camera. I enjoy Zayd’s perspective and the ease with which she both engages with and ultimately dismantles many of reductive pop culture talking points about woman’s place in horror.

Yhara Zayd is a fantastic voice in YouTube film criticism, and I can’t recommend her channel enough.

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As noted above, I no longer have a Patreon. Rest in peace to me. The short version is that it was becoming unwieldy and draining to maintain. The long version is that I was getting very stressed trying to keep up with consistent monthly creative output while writing/revising/publishing/promoting books and also working a full-time job.

So, I cried a little and closed my Patreon.

That’s just a thing that happened, and we’re moving on.

As of now and for the foreseeable future, Notes on Monstrosity will remain free to all subscribers. In a year or so I may create a paid subscription tier, but right now, I can’t keep up with a paid content schedule. Consider this section the introduction of my tip jar.

If you’d like to support my work, you kick me a few bucks once in a while on Ko-fi.com. If not, just keep on truckin’. This newsletter will stay free either way.

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