Going Forward as an Essayist
I had a wonderful visit to John Brown University last week. A writing friend extended the kind invitation to come, and it was such a rich experience. I learned so much from the many lovely and interesting people that I had a chance to talk with.
With my blessing the school planned a marvelously full day for me. And mercifully, I was able to scoot out of Arkansas before the big snows came. The timing of the visit was a perfect segue back into my studies, and a wonderful way to honor Dietrich Bonhoeffer a few days ahead of his birthday (Feb 4).
And I spoke! A lot! I spoke in the school's chapel gathering (audio forthcoming), to a small faculty luncheon group, in a political philosophy class making their way that week through Aristotle's Politics, to a podcast interviewer (which was a real "dark horse" experience - this interviewer was so thoughtful and prepared!), and then, after a lovely dinner out with some faculty, staff, and students, to a small group gathered in a lecture hall to hear me talk even more. (You can watch that lecture here if you are so inclined. It will give you a taste of what I mean when I say "my studies.")
I don't think I've been "listened to" by so many people in such a sustained way -- ever. (It was also fitting that our priest preached from James 3 last Sunday on the terrifying, life-shaping power of words. I could hear that in a new way, and that I need even more intentional disciplines of silence -- deliberate fasting from speech and my own internal noise -- after doing so much speaking out loud to others.)
At the beginning of that day, I met with two of the campus's pastors, both thoughtful, wise, and accomplished people who are also both trained as spiritual directors. I loved learning about their journeys, what's influenced and guided them, and what pressures they see bearing down on students these days.
One of their observations was that students feel pressed to be "a thing" right out of the gate -- some kind of explosive public success, a prodigy, a fully formed leader or entrepreneur, or a great bright flash in the pan. They feel the cultural demand to prove their value fast and early, and that if they don't, the world will leave them behind. I laughed; not because I don't know that fear, but because I know it so well. It crushes young adults, and it's a short and shallow vision of what it means to be a person in the world. None of us want to "throw away our shot," but to live in the shadow of that fear is terrible.
And I don't think we need any more "raging successes" in this world. I think we need more deeply rooted people; people who are truly known by others, and who attempt to truly know others too. We need more patient people in this world, those who move through life with faith, hope, love, endurance, conviction, and curiosity - no matter what the day holds. We need repairers, maintainers, quiet and patient builders, knowers-and-still-lovers, and true essayists.
Yes, essayists! From the French word "essayer," it means "to try." I take comfort in calling myself an essayist because it reminds me that the pressure is off to be the CEO of my self-formation project. I can be free to try, and thus free to learn, listen, get quiet, read, grow, plant, ask questions, and recognize and respect the many others in this world who are trying too, no matter what their chronological age. I think some of us in our middle and later years stop trying, or we forget how hard it is try, and how much value there can be in trying and trying again. We might need to revive our essayist muscles, or look for ways to give others a chance to exercise theirs.
So, I'm going forward as an essayist, and in whatever realm you are "essay-ing" -- whether it is a small, hidden discipline; a big, risky endeavor; or just the middle-range trying-to-stay-human-for-others today, in doing-what-needs-doing today -- let us essay!
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One of the people I got to know better when I was in Arkansas was the scholar and all-around-dynamo of a person, Dr. Jessica Hooten Wilson. Her next book is due out in March 2022, and I highly recommend pre-ordering The Scandal of Holiness (Brazos) for yourself from your favorite independent bookseller.