"Beams of Available Light"
We arrived back in the United States in early July, and began settling into our new old digs in mid-August, just before school started here. We're relearning our old neighborhood as different people -- older, grayer (at least for me!), taller (all the kids!), and decidedly shaped by five years of living in Europe. We are really enjoying reconnecting with old friends, and also getting to know the local birds. We're exploring old paths from new angles. One thing that hasn't changed: We remain public library gluttons and we raid its treasures regularly like cackling pirates.
These months of settling in have proven to be rich in daily manna, and what I have learned about daily manna is that it is enough but it never "feels" enough. The difference between what I actually need from God's hands and what my heart craves to feel safe and comfortable is considerable, and it is also the difference between living by faith and or ... not. At times, I feel like I'm trying to get my hands around God's throat, demanding more. Yet, when I look back on any given day, I discover that we have received what we have needed. For all my desperate attempts to increase my sense of control, to brighten the spotlight of my will upon the darkness of a day, I miss the beams of available light that are there, emanating from a source beyond me.
Earlier in the year, I relaxed my grip in another way too. In late June, I requested a leave of absence from my PhD program because it was clear that single-parenting in a foreign country during a global pandemic while preparing for an international move with certain deadlines just as our kids would return to school was more than I could do no matter how much I tried to force it otherwise. My advisor and the academic committee were quite understanding. As we have navigated these last weeks, it has been a joy to live within the sanity of that earlier decision. I'm finding that my mind is turning back to studying with more a spirit of freedom and discovery, without the same kind of black-hole panic that was starting to swallow me. Again, my mind has been recalibrated to appreciate seeing beams of available light.
I'm happy to report that Keys to Bonhoeffer's Haus is now out in German -- the German publisher did an amazing job preparing some publicity for it -- and is slated for release as an audiobook in November as well. As always, the greatest thrill for me as a writer is knowing that my work is in libraries -- public or private -- available for any and all to give it a try.
I would be very grateful if you would recommend KBH to your local public library, especially in its digital holdings as an eBook, and recommend the future audiobook as well. Just search for my name in your library's online catalogue and Overdrive listings, where you can borrow eBooks and audiobooks digitally, and click the "recommend" button.
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Interesting reads that caught my attention lately:
Margaret Diddams: "The Peril of 'Illumination'," Christian Scholar's Review blog, 9 Sept 2021
Tracy Balzer, A Journey of Sea and Stone: How Holy Places Guide and Renew Us (Broadleaf, 2021)
Last April, I reviewed Lisa Deam's wonderful book, 3000 Miles to Jesus: Pilgrimage as a Way of Life for Spiritual Seekers last April. Lisa is such a wonderful thinker and writer. I am really grateful for her writing presence in the world.
Balzer's and Deam's books would be a wonderful pairing, together, a lovely spiritual travel gift for someone who might need a new adventure these days.
If you've read KBH, would you kindly rate and review it on Amazon, GoodReads, or wherever you look for good books?
Thank you.