Nick’s LIFESTYLE Newsletter Vol. 8 No. 6

THIS IS AN INTRODUCTION

Hello again everyone. It's been a few weeks. Weeks of running weekly 5k’s. Weeks of being poked and prodded and told you will die. Weeks of experiencing home ownership at its worst, spending money on dumb shit you don’t care about. Related: We have a new deck. Weeks of having and surviving perhaps my biggest mental health crisis since 2018 while going to see a musical. Weeks of enduring this rainy or smoky or humid summer. Not the goldilocks summer we aim for around here. In classic American style, ON TO THE BULLETS:

• I successfully completed my DONUT 60k bike ride. I plotted a course to 4 local donut shops and biked to them, stopping to eat a donut at each one. You know sometimes when you have an ideal that SOUNDS AMAZING and then it is not. CASE IN POINT BUDDY. Don’t eat 4 donuts during a bike ride (especially when you eat about ½ a donut of sugar a day). I’m such an idiot. At least I got this fun picture of Melonie, who met me at Donut Star in Burnsville for my final donut.

  

• I really enjoyed this small thread on Bluesky and how it contextualized being older and realizing the limitations on time in changing the world. “this is not, for ME, an electoral fix. So now I will spend time reflecting on how to integrate this normal into my understanding of the future.”

• The long, regional nightmare of us trying to use our Sun Country flight vouchers from 2020 is almost over. We are booked to visit Jamaica in 2026. Y’all invited if you want to join us at Couples Tower Isle in March. We can party like it is 2016!

• Dispatch from dystopia: I recently ordered some blood tests without a doctor (did you know that was a thing?) and thank god they were running their Xmas in July sale and I was able to save 10% on one of my tests using a coupon code at checkout. I would love my friends from other countries to let me know how many coupons they are using for healthcare. 🤦🏻‍♂️

• A good article on overtourism, which is a topic I read a lot about now. Lots of focus in Japan on this topic and most places I want to retire in. Social media is ruining literally everything. Overtourism in Japan, and How it Hurts Small Businesses.

• I read this great quote and I wish I remembered where so I can attribute it. For the people asking me how I feel about the death of Hulk Hogan: “I won’t celebrate their death, but I will enjoy their silence”

• Rest in peace to Bill Moyers. A man I had the privilege of meeting once and listening to for years. In some ways, I’m glad he doesn’t have to watch this nation disintegrate.

• Another weird thing about getting old is realizing, remember Seinfeld? Those characters were in their mid-30’s. Also, I am as old as Captain Picard was when Next Gen started. I am as old as Ric Flair was in 1995, wrestling Sting on Nitro in this match. BUT I DON’T FEEL THAT OLD, MOSTLY.

• I’m generally not a fun of dunking on people, but sometimes some rich fucks really deserve it. Enjoy:

ITEM THE FIRST:

WE ARE ALL DOOMED BECAUSE OF AI, PART 359: The company I work for is partnered with Microsoft for their AI technology, Co-Pilot. As part of that we license their technology, train it on a bunch of our stuff and create products we sell based on it. As part of that, we now have AI goals as part of our yearly performance review process. I work on systems that are literally 25 years old, so hard to come up with great use cases on that. We are also encouraged to use generative AI tools they give us. That “encouragement” was also quantified recently and my whole team was brought into a meeting with upper management and told we were not using AI enough. Every interaction with AI is being logged and we were not doing it. We were told this would affect our reviews if we did not meet the minimum, which is eight interactions in a month. So, now I have a daily reminder to send something to co-pilot.

“Hey Co-Pilot, create a funny out of office message.” (It recommended this one and it was not funny.)

“Hey Co-Pilot, plan a 100k bike ride for me, starting and ending in Eagan". (It generated a route that was 64k.)

“Hey Co-Pilot, given these tables and fields, write a join query to get these results.” (It generated a query that removed the table names I gave it and was overly complex/inefficient.)

“Hey Co-Pilot, should I keep working for a company that has cancelled my vacation 4 hours before it was supposed to begin two fucking times this year?” (It wanted to talk about stress and how to reduce it at work. I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE LET ME HAVE TIME OFF?)

Glad we are burning down the rainforests for this.

Also, this: Will AI end cheap flights? Critics attack Delta’s “predatory” AI pricing.

ITEM THE SECOND:

WIFE THE BEST WIFE: For my birthday, my wife helped me design a sweet rash guard for my biking and running journeys.

World’s greatest author, Chuck Tingle, has amazing suits he wears at shows. Here is a video:

I especially like the one with brocade and LOVE IS REAL on the back, so given that, Melonie rolled her eyes and made me this:

Yes, she is a tolerant woman. I get to meet Chuck in a week and YES I WILL WEAR THIS.

ITEM THE THIRD:

SUPPORTING THE USA IN A GREAT WAY: With all the tariff talk I realized my 3d printing was about to get more expensive, since most the filament comes from China (or Prusament from Europe). Then I happened across this article: Endangered classic Mac plastic color returns as 3D-printer filament. It is a super fun article about a person’s quest to get filament to match that classic off-white of 1990’s Macintosh computers. Literally, once you see it, you’ll know it. Reminds me of high school.

I looked at the company making it. They are based in Michigan and make all their filament on-site, in America! I was preparing for paying a premium for it, but it was the SAME PRICE AS CHINESE FILAMENT! In about three months, I’ve purchased about 10kg of it and love it. They even sell a sampler with chips of all their colors for $5, so I am a customer for life now (except for brown, I’m not a fan of their options).

If you are part of the 3d printing club, check out Polar Filament. I’ve printed about 3kg so far and it has been great. Higher quality than Inland and pretty close to Prusament (the gold standard). Plus, you can support an American company.

ITEM THE FOURTH:

THE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS YOUR GIFT IS: This is something I’ve hesitated to write about for the entire run of the LIFESTYLE, but I figured it was about time. I hesitate because I know it is absurd. I know it makes me sound like a complete asshole. I know in the scheme of things it is such a weird thing to have such intense feelings about. I’m not writing this for any specific person or situation, this is just as much for me to get it down on paper. The topic is GIFTS.

Anyone who knows me to some extent knows that I hate two things, children and gifts. Hate is maybe a strong word for it. Maybe you thought this was my attempt at humor or a non-serious way. Part of it is, I guess. I don’t actually hate either, I just have a strong preference to avoid interacting with both. Gifts are a complicated thing and I understand I am WAY OUTSIDE THE NORM with my intense dislike of them. I’ve been this way since I was young.

Around 13 or 14 I told my parents I didn’t want gifts anymore. I was able to frame it around “so many people don’t have anything, so I don’t need anything” and that was true. However, I think there was something deeper, something more SPECTRUMY that I couldn’t put together as well. As GIFTS are how most people PROVE LOVE in a tangible way, I was ignored. I would try my best to be gracious because to not be is MONSTROUS BEHAVIOR, but inside I was getting so angry and explody. Why were these adults not listening to me? Am I smiling right? Am I giving the right reaction to make THEM FEEL GOOD? Is this the PERFORMANCE THEY PAID FOR? I would try to leave the situation as quick as possible, which can be hard in these environments.

As I got into my 20’s, I was able to deter people by telling them I didn’t want manufactured or purchased things, I would prefer time with them or something from the heart. As part of the anti-capitalism, idealistic younger years, that would resonate with people. People generally don’t put effort into things, so the substitute I offered was rejected and gifts didn’t happen much. That is fine. I understand, doing things with thought and intentionality is hard.

As we got into our 30’s and now our 40’s, my stance had not changed and I was still very public about it but gifts started creeping into life more. “I know you don’t like gifts, but…” I think as we collectively stopped struggling economically, people would see something they think I would like and gift it to me. Again, all the feelings came back. Am I smiling right? Am I giving the right reaction to make THEM FEEL GOOD? Is this the PERFORMANCE THEY PAID FOR? But, most importantly: Why were these adults not listening to me? Why are the people I love the most and share the most with not listening to me? I don’t believe “No means no” ever has an asterisk to it unless you have safe words established ahead of time.

The times Melonie has had to spend literally a whole weekend dealing with me spinning because someone got me a gift is more than any person should have to deal with. She has to remind me that people didn’t mean to hurt me or didn’t know how much it affected me. She tells me that people give gifts for themselves, which makes me sometimes feel worse because this because a “someone has to eat shit situation” and I’m being fed a sandwich I did not order and now my weekend is ruined. It’s a bit like being cheated on. Someone externally lobbed this grenade in your life and now you get to deal with it and GRENADE WAS NOT IN THE PLANS, K THANKS. Thank goodness she is a tolerant woman.

I get that a lot of this is a “It’s not you, it’s me” situation. I think most of this plays into my frustrations with communicating. I get frustrated that I have been so open with a preference and am ignored. I try so hard to pay attention to people’s preferences and respect them. I literally have notes in my personal contacts with some key facts and preferences people have that I review before we chat or hang out. I feel like, “what am I doing wrong that they don’t know?” or “am I a joke?" Do people think this is a schtick?” I think that is what triggers me the most. If you are my vegan friend who hates board games, I’m not like “I brought you a big bucket of ribs to eat while we play this four hour long euro game about colonizing.”

Everything I have is specific. If I don’t have something, it is not because I cannot afford it (I can) or not that I haven’t thought of it (I have) or that I thought that my shelf of things I love to display needs another thing (it does not). If you can imagine there is a world where your autistic bud knows exactly what he wants down to the specific model, color, make, brand, everything and has the economic ability to have it and any deviation from that is unacceptable, then GOOD NEWS. YOU ARE LIVING IN THAT WORLD.

At this point in life, I don’t want for anything outside of time with my buds. More of my life is behind me than ahead at this point. I’m hoping to retire with some time on the clock and maybe move to Japan or somewhere else and the thing I would rather take with me is a memory and/or a photograph to remember it with, not something I need to bring to Goodwill. So, telling me to take a picture of us together is better than $1,000 of things you can buy me.

I hesitate to write this all, because even re-reading it, it feels so bad and ungrateful and MONSTEROUS BEHAVIOR but that is not my intent. My hope for this is that perhaps you might have some empathy for others or just me specifically. Something that brings you joy or your love language may bring others pain and perhaps consent is the best way to PROVE LOVE.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (please mark "ok to print"):

Got a few pieces of feedback from the last issue. Thank you for taking time to write, it is a top 10 thing to get emails from buds. First:

Dear LIFESTYLE Newsletter,
As someone who's been a long time fan and someone who's benefited immensely from your efforts to create fun social events, I can only say "THANK YOU" not that you're retiring. I will always have special memories of you and the people you've brought into your home/life.

Sincerely,
Your friend who's benefited.

I appreciate the kind words! Times together with a bunch of buds hold so many good memories. While COVID gave me and the world solitude, it also took the joy of social engagements. I’m 50/50 on the trade off. I see you and how hard you try to create events and excitement, so I know you know the struggle. I also appreciate you for all you have brought into my life.

Another one PROVING THE EXISTANCE of the Minnesota Wide-Jawed Refrigerator Rat.

The Minnesota Wide-Jawed Refrigerator Rat is a protected species.  They were prominent in the 1950s as refrigeration became more widespread in the upper central Midwest U.S. and south-central Canada.  The majority of homes at the time were of older construction, allowing them to enter and exit, which supported their exhibitionist outdoor mating habits. 

They are poor foragers and do not hunt, so were relatively rare prior to the proliferation of refrigerators, but by the 1970s building codes had improved and had made their habit of happily humping on front stoops and walkways largely unattainable. 

They are now rarely seen in the wild or in the home.  They notoriously have a prehensile tail they use to peel back the rubber seal on the refrigerator door, but it isn’t strong enough to peel back weatherstripping so it may very well be trapped within your home. 

You should treat it well and continue to provide pancakes.

I’m doing my part! MELONIE IS DETERMINED TO CONTINUE GENOCIDE.

A few suggestions from reader in response to THE BEST FEELINGS IN THE WORLD (see ITEM THE THIRD, Vol. 8 No 5)

• A little gross, but no one can deny how good it feels to finally pop that pimple/cyst/bump/etc. that's been bothering you for weeks.

• Also the head massager thing that kinda looks like a whisk. But only when someone else uses it on you. Mmmmmmmph.

• Listening to birds singing while gentle rain hits the tree canopy.

• Reading by a fire with a cup of tea on a snowy winter day. 

• First morning of vacation.

• First bite of Din Tai Fung chocolate buns.

• Letting <redacted for privacy> out of <their> <animal storage device> in the morning, because <they> acts like we are being reunited after years apart EVERY MORNING.

• Being three chapters in to an amazing, perfect-for-you book. (ed. note: Not related, but only around 30 sleeps until LOCAL AWARD WINNING AUTHOR MINDY MEJIA’S NEW BOOK - THE WHISPER PLACE COMES OUT - ORDER NOW! Presales are such a huge part of publishing traditional books.)

GRADITUDES:

As noted in the intro, I had A HELL OF A WEEKEND recently, but the only bright-ish spot of that weekend was seeing FRIEND OF THE LIFESTYLE Sean performing in the Cole Porter musical “Anything Goes.” The thing that struck me while watching it was how inspiring and incredible it was to see him up on that stage performing. I’ve known Sean since I was 16, which is somehow 30 years now. We’ve been the best of friends. We’ve been the opposite of that. He was a roommate, a neighbor, a person I didn’t talk to, a person I wanted to extend the olive branch to, but most of the time, he has been a FRIEND.

Before Covid, Melonie started doing improv with Sean and I would watch them because that is what a supportive husband does, but Sean stood out with talent. Then he started leading the improv, then he started doing small plays, then it just kept going to being one of the leads in a musical! It was a constant trajectory of growth.

As we get older, doing new things can be scary. I see a lot of people in our age group (and even younger, quite frankly), just doing the same things they’ve always done. It is comfortable. I get that. Pushing yourself to improve, learning new things, making life changes is what makes life interesting, in my opinion. Sure, I love the music/movies/games/whatever I grew up with but WOW IS THERE SOME AMAZING NEW STUFF BUDDY.

Watching a friend of mine, that I have literally known for 2/3 of my life, just nailing a performance was so cool. If I told him 10 years ago that this was his future trot, I don’t think he would have believed me. AND THAT IS SO COOL.

The quote I keep coming back to this year is kind of dumb because it is from a movie, but it is this:

The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make”

-Sarah Connor, Terminator 2

Seeing Sean up there, doing something new. Something scary. Something not safe. Something he earned through hard work over years. That something is mighty inspiring. That is fate he made.

Congrats to my friend Sean, a brother from a different mother and lifelong friend. Thank you for being there throughout the years even though our paths have diverged. Thank you for being an inspiration. Thank you for always selling The Flying Asspliers of Death.

FAVORITE THING TO GO IN MY EYEHOLES THIS WEEK:

As part of RANDOM MOVIE SUICIDE a few weeks ago, we landed on the classic scary vampire movie…

No, not the song by ITZY.

This is the 1985 Chinese classic kung fu movie, “Mr. Vampire:”

A few things to note about vampires in China:

• They are impeccably dressed.

• They hop to move.

• They can be lead around like dogs.

• They detect you by breath.

• They can be frozen by applying a sheet with a talisman on their head.

• Hijinks ensue from the above.

I hadn’t seen this movie since the 90’s and it was amazing to watch it again. If you need a movie where the plot is not WAR AND PEACE and you get to see some sweet 80’s kung fu, check it out! It is on (checks notes) THE CRITERION COLLECTION streaming service. That is how you know it is good!

THIS IS THE END OF THE NEWSLETTER

GOTTA KEEP PUSHING TO DO SOMETHING NEW.

GOTTA KEEP MOVING NOT TO DIE TOO SOON.

GOTTA RESPECT BOUNDARIES AND PROVE LOVE.

THAT IS ALL.