LIFESTYLE Newsletter Vol. 6 No. 5
Nick’s LIFESTYLE Newsletter Vol. 6 No. 5
My friend Chuck was in town
THIS IS AN INTRODUCTION
Hello again everyone. It's been a few weeks (months). Weeks where I biked to Minneapolis, St. Paul, Burnsville and all points in-between. Weeks of getting news notifications on my phone and knowing still nothing will change. Weeks of helping buds out with laundry and computer issues. Weeks of being taken out on dates by my wife and loving her so so much. Weeks (like literally now) in Hyrule because fucking Tears of the Kingdom is AMAZING. On to the bullets.
- FRIEND OF THE LIFESTYLE Wade helped me with a tech issue. While out jogging my iPhone would unlock and do things. I was out running and have had all my podcasts deleted, songs skipped and email checked. Turns out my face looks remarkably similar to the inside of my pocket on my running shorts. Is that a compliment? Anyway, if this is also your problem, look into Guided Access on your iOS device.
- I've really cut down on my pork consumption due to the terrible, terrible conditions they are kept in. (Not that any animal is treated that great...) This article has absolutely cut that shit out except for rare occasions: A new investigation exposes the stomach-churning practice that goes into making your bacon
- If you want insight on how much of a bad boy I am...our bedroom fan was rattling and instead of zip tying the cover tighter, I just took that thing off. No cats, no kids, no fucks given.
- FRIEND OF THE LIFESTYLE Mindy's new book is out and it is AMAZING as previously discussed. Amazing enough that the New York f'n Times gave it some pub: 250 Pounds of Pot, a Taco Truck and a Cross-Country Road Trip
- FRIEND OF THE LIFESTYLE Josh appeared at Tower Games and regaled me with stories of European socialism in practice and the LIES TO CHILDREN that the media in the Netherlands propagates to the children. Literally one of the craziest things I have ever heard, but a nicer mass delusion than Q-anon. FAKE NEWS INDEED BUDDY.
- FOUR ITEMS THIS ISSUE so get that scroll finger ready.
ITEM THE FIRST:
YES WE CAN. TWO TERMS OF AN ITEM.
SUB-ITEM THE FIRST. In 2015, I was reading my GMT newsletter and read about a new game they were putting up for pre-order, Mr. President: The American Presidency, 2001-2020. It was a 4-8 hour single player game that sounded insane, but the theme just grabbed me. I put in my order and waited. And waited. And waited. Every year or so they would put out a progress update that I would eagerly consume.
By 2021 my tastes in gaming had changed and I was thinking of cancelling it. I've moved more towards shorter and less complex games. As they got closer to finalizing it in 2022 I almost cancelled again, but then I decided, "fuck it. If I don't like it, I'll just sell it." Finally earlier this year it was off to the printer, my card was charged and the waiting game started. They released pictures and PDF's of 3 (of 10 books) for the game. I had a hard time getting through the rules and even the 30(!) page turn sequence book. Eventually the 9 lb box showed up and I had to face my fear.
I spent about 2 hours punching out the counters and sorting it. Another 2 hours setting up the first game. Another 6 hours going through the 1st year of my term. I was exhausted mentally, but determined. I was having fun. I read up on BoardGameGeek about all the things I missed or got wrong, reset it and went for round 2. It finally started clicking and I finished a full game over a few days. I WON! I was the best President ever. I stopped a rogue state. I won the Nobel Peace Prize while doing drone strikes to reduce terrorism. Africa was ascendant. Russia and China were kept in check. The world and the people loved me. Public approval over 70%! On to the mini-review:
First of all, look at this monstrosity:
It literally takes up my ENTIRE board game table and I need some side tables to hold the books. It is 7 lbs of game, literally.
Mr. President might be less of a game than an activity. With many games (especially ones I like) you make a tactical move or strategic plan and resolve that plan against others or the game mechanics. This is not that. Sure, you can tactically use your actions to try to resolve a civil war in the Middle East, reduce tension with China or try to increase bipartisan relations in congress to pass more of your bills, but ultimately there is a lot of randomness and chaos that the game will throw at you. All that effort you spent on the Middle East is wasted when a domestic crisis blows up the previously calm USA. Your strategic plan of passing legislation de-railed because your party lost control of Congress and there is too much gridlock for you to propose a bill.
I was watching a review of the game and I think the reviewer nailed it: This is a game about spinning plates and managing/reacting as much to it as you can.
Is it fun? YES. YES IT IS. Each game of this has had some epic story moments, like the time Israel went to war with Hezbollah and destabilized the world, but US trade agreements with Africa made our relationship tighter than our relationship with the EU all while domestically we passed sweeping science bills and health care reform. As much as I love dry European games, none have this arc, as wacky as it might be.
This game is a relic of another era. Another era of game design with its 3 boards, 10 books, incredible amount of table look ups, die rolls and modifier calculations. Another era of Nick where I would relish a complex game, the heavier the better. Another era of when the presidency didn't seem so weird to gamify. I'm not sure who I would recommend this for, but I'm very glad I went for it.
Now is the troubling part. Turns out the G in GMT games (and designer of this game) is a convicted child sex offender. I'm not too excited about having EVEN MORE GAMES in my collection from companies run by pedophiles. Why do people have to be so terrible? I think I will end my relationship with GMT Games, but I'm holding on to this game.
SUB-ITEM THE SECOND. When this game was close to being completed, I knew a person I thought would want to give it a try and become a CO-PRESIDENT. While it is a solo game, it is easy to incorporate others (ask my poor wife, about this and probably many other things). I excitedly texted FRIEND OF THE LIFESTYLE ELI and we set aside a weekend. Outside of my bi-annual marathons of Battlestar Galactica, this was one of my favorite times gaming ever.
We started on Saturday, setup the game, had some TERRIBLE initial draws and the world was rapidly in chaos. Over our 4 year term we never had public approval over 50%, barely passed legislation, lost control of Congress, watched Hezbollah pick a guerilla war with Israel where both countries increased strength as it escalated, had our Secretary of Defense in scandal for most of the game, then the POTUS got hit with a scandal. We held a series of what I called "White House Pajama Parties" with EVERY single ally in the game as we could not keep our relations close. We tried our best to fight back Russian and Chinese influence and stop a Level 3 Rogue state in South America from using WMDs that it acquired, but it was all lost halfway through year 4 when we were so focused on the WMDs that Russia (yes, RUSSIA) turned Eastern Europe towards them, alienated NATO from the US and spread its influence too much.
It was an EPIC game played over about 14 hours. AND WE ARE STILL FRIENDS. What a time!
ITEM THE SECOND:
MOJITO MOVIN. As referenced in the last issue's MANDATORY FUN BUCKS MANDATORY UPDATE see Vol. 6 No. 4, I purchased my fancy e-bike dubbed THE MINT MACHINE and boy have we TRAVELED THE WORLD (at least from Eagan to Minneapolis).
After about 80 miles the pedals started shifting to the left and right, something I now know is the BOTTOM BRACKET. I called the company and they pointed me to the Erik's down the road from me. They replaced it with a threadless one and I was on my way. Except Erik's forgot to hook the cadence sensor back up. So back again. Then after about 100 more miles, it was shifting again. Back to Erik's. Got it back and the cadence sensor was not installed correctly. Back to the bike company to have them deal with it. Long story short...ERIK'S BIKE SHOP SUCKS ASS. The bike company sent me to Jonny Rock's bike shop in Bloomington and they are WAY BETTER (although their website may not give that impression). I highly recommend. They dealt with the bike company and now a NEW REPLACEMENT is being sent and assembled for me in the next week.
The bike is from Priority Bikes and they have been great to deal with. We've exchanged about 25 emails, but they have always gone out of their way to help and reimburse me for expenses. It's shitty buying a bike from the internet, due to this local support issue, but I would still recommend them, conditionally if my new bike lasts more than 260 miles.
I biked up to Bde Maka Ska a few weeks ago and experienced the Greenway for the first time. That was amazing. It was fun to go for a 40 mile ride and experience a different view of the city and moving between them. So happy to live in this state.
More to come!
ITEM THE THIRD:
HOT SUMMER TAKES. A few things I have experienced lately that I want to share in the form of bullets.
- Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle (see leading photo) was an amazing book. A queer horror book that has several levels of allegory and some real biblical deep cuts. The lead character is queer and autistic. I could really identify with a lot of her stims and social hacks she uses in the book. I've never felt so represented in a book of lies.
- Beef on Netflix. Everyone was raving about this series and I understand some of the love. The way it was shot was very conceptual at times and the last episode may be one of the craziest final episodes since The Prisoner. I think if I hadn't been in so much therapy or adjacent to therapy in the past 5 years I would have a different perspective, but at some point the show ceased to be fun and became just watching hurt people hurting other people.
- Claud's A Good Thing video. LIFESTYLE FAVORITE CLAUD (see Vol. 4 No. 4 and Vol. 5 No. 2) after getting the LIFESTYLE BUMP got Paul Rudd to participate in their latest video and it is delightful. The new album, Supermodels, is not as good as Super Monster, but still worth a stream. Check out the video below:
- Dave Season 3 on FX. I don't how to describe it, but this show is crude and hilarious but also might have more heart than anything on TV (or whatever). Hurt people, sometimes hurting others, but also trying to understand and better themselves.
- Janelle Monáe's The Age of Pleasure is my album of the summer. Much like Daft Punk took us back to the 70's musically with Random Access Memories, The Age of Pleasure brings us back to the 70's sexually. It is the swanky, sexy soundtrack for those summer drives and get togethers. The videos from the album also have this amazing 70's super-8 look and are very very SEXY! What is your album/song of the summer?
ITEM THE FOURTH:
ILLEGAL REPOST. I'm a paid subscriber to Heather Cox Richardson's Letters from an American and it is well worth it. Last month she published a paid exclusive that taught me something about my home state. Thought I would share with you in whole:
How Should Historical Sites Memorialize Trauma?
The debate over whether to tear down the house where four students at the University of Idaho were murdered last year highlights a big question historians grapple with: how should a society commemorate the places where atrocities happen?
The Idaho case is not historical, yet, and the imperatives of the upcoming trial of the man accused of committing the murders changes the calculation of whether to preserve the building. But the larger historical question remains.
In the United States, we tend to erase traces of recent atrocities partly to provide relief to victims’ families but, just as powerfully, to prevent the sites from becoming pilgrimage sites the way sites associated with foreign dictators often are (remember then-congressional candidate Madison Cawthorn celebrating his visit to Adolf Hitler’s vacation home?).
Authorities tore down the homes of recent mass murderers Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy, as well as the home of Ariel Castro, where for more than a decade he tortured three women he had kidnapped.
But what should we do about sites of atrocities in our history? And who gets to decide?
I’m thinking especially of Fort Snelling, which stands at the confluence of the Minnesota and Mississippi Rivers outside of Minneapolis in Minnesota. Fort Snelling was a crucially important frontier fort, finished in 1825 and home to some of our foundational U.S. history. Colonel Zachary Taylor commanded the fort from 1828 to 1829, before he went on to fight in the Mexican-American War and to serve as the nation’s twelfth president from 1849 until his sudden death in July 1850.
In the 1830s, a surgeon from the slave state of Missouri assigned to the fort brought enslaved man Dred Scott with him. Scott married and the couple had two children; for the next 20 years the Scott family and their enslavers would fight over whether the Scott family’s residence in the free Territory of Minnesota had ended their enslavement. In 1857, the Supreme Court would decide against Dred Scott in a decision that helped to spark the Civil War.
Famous artist Seth Eastman, then a lieutenant colonel, commanded the fort in 1840s. There he took a 15-year-old Dakota wife whom he abandoned shortly after the birth of their daughter, whose son, Charles Eastman, the first Indigenous American certified as a physician, would treat the victims of the 1890 Wounded Knee Massacre and become a famous writer.
Fort Snelling was at the heart of much of the nation’s nineteenth-century history. It went on to operate until 1946, and in 1960 was designated a National Historic Landmark, recognized for its outstanding historical significance.
And yet, Fort Snelling has particular historical significance to Dakotas. It was there that the U.S. army held more than 1600 Dakotas as prisoners after the 1862 Dakota War. That conflict would lead to the largest mass execution in U.S. history, when on December 26, 1862, 38 Dakota men were hanged for crimes related to their participation in the Dakota War, in trials that were a travesty of justice.
The Dakotas imprisoned in what amounted to a concentration camp at Fort Snelling in November 1862 had not participated in the war; many were women and children. The crowded conditions meant disease spread through the camp; as many as 100-300 of the prisoners died in the six months of their incarceration. Then state officials expelled them from the state and resettled them in what is now South Dakota, and more died on the journey. Today, many Dakotas see Fort Snelling as a reminder of the ongoing trauma associated with these events, and want it torn down.
I definitely see both sides here. And yet, I cannot help but note when I wrote last night about the New York City draft riots, a series of events historians call the worst riot in U.S. history and which killed at least 119 Americans, most of them Black, many more people than usual wrote to tell me they had never heard of the riots. There are very few memorials that mention the draft riots, and I wonder, does the lack of those memorials contribute at least in part to that amnesia?
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (please mark "ok to print"): None. I miss your correspondence.
MANDATORY FUN BUCKS MANDATORY UPDATE:
June:
- Spent $20 on a big bag of coffee at Costco (1kg!). I've been making a lot of cold press lately and I wanted to try what normal people drink and BOY IS IT NOT GREAT. I'm spoiled by my wife's amazing coffee making ability and the bougie beans she buys. Such a difference. Not undrinkable, but at 2+ lbs, it took awhile to get through it.
- Spent money at the Mall of America. As part of my FAB 2 week vacation in June I wanted to try/endure the mall and going WITHOUT PURPOSE, which I don't do for ANYTHING in life. It was fine? I had a FRIEND OF THE LIFESTYLE AND MALL OF AMERICA MASTER give me some ideas and I tried as many as I could except rides. His guide was helpful and lead me to do things I wouldn't do and spend money on things I wouldn't spend. Highlight was lunch with a different FRIEND OF THE LIFESTYLE at Kura Sushi.
July:
- Discovered a new musician, Ginger Root, and bought a ton of his albums. Check out "Loretta".
- Bought a Taro tea when I was out on a date with Melonie. Bad for me, but helped cool down my mouth eating Thai papaya salad and taking days off my life. Fair trade.
- Bought a new beard trimmer that uses rechargeable batteries. I normally avoid these since it will eventually not work and be waste, but LORDY IS IT LIGHT AND NICE.
- I bought this amazing bootleg Zelda shirt for Melonie!
GRATITUDES:
Like six(?) years ago at Tower Games, someone new showed up. It was usual to have new people back then, especially women (as sad as that is). She came up to us and just joined in our circles. No hesitation, no fear. SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY NOT FROM THE MIDWEST.
Generally, this puts me on HIGH ALERT right away. As readers know, since I can't really read faces or situations well, you are a LIAR and UNWORTHY OF ATTENTION until proven otherwise. As the weeks went on, she kept coming and we eventually played more games together. I remember her asking my name so she could enter me in BG Stats (the app everyone uses to track games played) and I said "Nick" and she asked my last name and I said "that is not relevant" so she entered it as Lemons. For all I know I am still Nick Lemons in her BG Stats. As time went by I started to trust her more and she worked her way into my gaming circle and heart. She is currently #12 on my most games played with list. If it wasn't for the pandemic that would be much higher.
I remember telling my wife about this new person at Tower and how she was literally my complete opposite and how I think she had a feeder fetish because she always wanted to go out to eat with me.
Crystal is my second favorite person to appear on Jeopardy! and over the past few years we have spent a ton of time together not just playing games but chatting and yes, even eating. We kept in touch during the pandemic and she was one of the people I was most eager to see during the vaxxed and waxed hot boi summer last year when things got back to normal. After the pandemic, we've gotten closer and have regular get togethers to share a meal and play games. I treasure those times.
I was honored to be invited to her wedding a few weeks ago. That is when you know the friendship is not just because you have a hobby in common. She (and her husband) looked amazing and so happy.
I am in awe of the way Crystal can command a room and have an actual interest in strangers (see WE ARE COMPLETE OPPOSITES). She is incredibly smart, great at games and so generous with her time, attention and love. Her husband is such a funny guy with a dry sense of humor I can really appreciate. When we were at lunch a few weeks ago I asked her, "why are we friends?" because I just don't get it. She said words back that made sense in a grammatical way, I still don't get it, but I'm glad we are friends.
FAVORITE THING TO GO IN MY EARHOLES THIS WEEK:
Offered without comment due to length, but check this 30 min video deconstructing the most iconic samples in hip-hop year by year. Pay attention to how much more complex it gets in the 2000's, especially with Madlib and Dilla and when producers started turning off quantization and programming swing beats. Could have used more Dilla and less Kanye chipmunk soul, but ¯_(ツ)_/¯.
THIS IS THE END OF THE NEWSLETTER
HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. I SEE IT EVERY DAY.
HURT PEOPLE HURTING PEOPLE IS JUST SAD TO SEE.
I DON'T FIND THE ENTERTAINMENT IN SADNESS, I HAVE ENOUGH ALREADY.
THAT IS ALL.