LIFESTYLE Newsletter Vol. 3 No. 2
Nick's LIFESTYLE Newsletter
Just don't look up "shirako"*
-Shirako is a million times funnier when you know what it is and the 2 kanji that make it up.
THIS IS AN INTRODUCTION
Hello again everyone. It's been a few weeks. A warming few weeks where our driveway pond has melted away (AKA "Lake Insurance Claim"). Weeks full of mental preparation for Jamaica. I am not a pantser. I am a plotter.
- We went rock climbing with a FRIEND OF THE LIFESTYLE and a non-FRIEND OF THE LIFESTYLE. It was ok. It hurt my hands more than anything. I wanted to climb more but my fingers were raw at that point. Pretty meh. But you should try it if you have not. It is a thing. Just not my thing.
- This is an amazing website that uses data viz and my Board Game Geek account: https://geekgroup.app/users/aladdinsane/insights/collection. Confirmed: I am a Euro gamer.
- My favorite candidate is out and my second favorite will be out soon (BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: They just announced they are out now too). I'm already holding my noise getting ready to vote for male Hillary. I HAVE A PLAN FOR THAT. It involves a case of O'Douls.
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THIS IS THE END OF THE INTRODUCTION.
3 THINGS THIS WEEK:
ITEM THE FIRST:
THIS IS MY JAM (2019 edition) - After the lengthy migration of my music collection and reviewing the tracks I may have missed from 2019, I have determined my best of 2019. Normally, I limit this to 20 tracks. BUT IT WAS NOT POSSIBLE THIS YEAR. I have expanded it to my top 25 of the year. Here they are:
- Billie Eilish - everything i wanted
- Lizzo - Juice
- Graveyard Club - It Hurts
- Bombay Bicycle Club - Eat, Sleep, Wake (Nothing But You)
- Amber Liu - Curiosity
- Fear of Tigers - Forever in Your Heartbeat
- Ronika - Loved Up
- Sunmi [선미] - Noir [누아르]
- Roosevelt - Falling Back
- Elohim - Hallucinating (Gigamesh Remix)
- Robyn - Ever Again (Soulwax Remix)
- Hyolyn [효린] - youknowbetter [니가 더 잘 알잖아]
- Denzel Curry - RICKY
- Friendly Fires - Inflorescent
- BLACKPINK (블랙핑크) - Kill This Love
- Lizzo - Cuz I Love You
- HERO - Stay the Night
- Anderson .Paak - Make It Better (feat. Smokey Robinson)
- Ladyhawke - Colours in the Dark
- Skepta - Same Old Story
- Aves - Gem of the Ocean (feat. JFDR)
- Amber Liu - Other People
- SHREDDERS - Vanilla ISIS
- TWICE [트와이스] - LOVE FOOLISH
- Stormzy - Wiley Flow
AM playlist: https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/best-of-2019/pl.u-MDAW8YJt39EL2
So, yeah. Somehow Billie Eilish is my number one song. I won't judge you for the music you like either. WHAT A GREAT YEAR IN MUSIC.
ITEM THE SECOND:
STATIC NOT ON THE RADIO - I've been listening to my friends and acquaintances talk over the past few months and something that has been coming up is frustration with people for changing. Maybe not always frustration, but unhappiness, unease or some other more negative emotion. Seeing this from afar as a third party, I found it hard to understand why this was a thing. THEN I HAD MY EPIPHANY.
The discomfort is in the difference between expectations and reality.
Once I saw that, I realized how much this was actually impacting my own life lately. As a LIFESTYLE reader, you may know that some PRIMARY RELATIONSHIPS in my life have been a bit chaotic as of late. TERRIBLE THINGS HAVE HAPPENED and I have been struggling to regain what was, while trying hard to avoid nostalgia. (Because it is a TOXIC IMPULSE). I think a lot of my discomfort has been due to expectations based on how things WERE. How I think things SHOULD BE. That time, and that reality, is done and gone. There are NEW INPUTS which require different processing and NEW OUTPUTS to analyze. I must adjust. We must all adjust, even if it is uncomfortable. It is time to stop mourning what was and time to CELEBRATE WHAT IS.
I hope this year we can all do our best to identify these gaps in our relationships and push through the discomfort. Try to find the current reality, celebrate it and change that relationship. (That can also include severing it, because sometimes change is painful and I think I would rather see people happy apart than uncomfortable together.)
ITEM THE THIRD:
HEART BONES - I have been waiting for about a year for their album to drop and it has been worth it. If you haven't heard about Heart Bones, it is a collab between local legend Sean Tillmann (AKA Har Mar Superstar) and Dallas native Sabrina Ellis. They took their inspiration from duets from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. Solid retro 80's jams. Check out the video for Open Relationship, which is a great song and even more amazing video. VIDEO OF THE YEAR (so far). The album, Hot Dish, is out now.
GRATITUDES:
To my friend, Wade. He has been a constant source of joy and humor in my life for years now and I'm SUPER excited he is going to Jamaica with us. I often get texts from him and say "I was thinking of sending this exact thing!" His taste in board games is a bit suspect, but we like what we like. I have no concept of biological family or why it is important outside of the early nurturing phase. Family is what I make and surround myself with and for that, I have a brother and his name is Wade.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (please mark "ok to print"):
Just wanted to say I have gotten a lot of in-person feedback and emails lately and it is literally saving my life. Thank you FRIENDS OF THE LIFESTYLE.
Dear Newsletter, I think you should continue to expand the rejection of binary labels to include "Failure." Life is not just "Pass" or "Fail" there's varying degrees of under performing. Identifying failure and creating the right internal environment to take advantage of what you've learned should be the goal IMO. Picking the right "Failure Label" might help clarify the right response. "Epic Judgement Fail" is far different than "Morale Bankruptcy Mismanagement" AND "Casual Neglect." Each might have a different set of information to teach you. Each may require a different approach AND magnitude of effort.
signed, - regular reader of the newsletter
PS. If you need a mental break, you should maybe try imagining what Dr. Chuck Tingle would fill your sadness tunnel with.
You are, of course, entirely right. Perhaps failure was not the right term. Disappointment may have been more appropriate. I did not see these things in a binary sense, more of a gradient of disappointment. Some more towards one end of the spectrum than others. Your framing is correct either way. I appreciate your guidance and FRIENDSHIP. I should have more data on your PS later in the year.
Your section on speech really hit me. The past year or so I've been trying to break the binary on character traits beyond just gender identity. So far my speech pattern has devolved into a formula that is something like the following examples. "I'm not an introvert. I'm just more lazy than I am extroverted." Or "I'm not sure if I'm Bi. I'm just more horny than I am gay."
It's helped me recognize that humans are more than just "This or That." When it comes to damn near everything. And the spectrum between the extremes of any given trait goes beyond just a sliding scale that follows a direct line between the two ends.
Thanks again for the great news letter
This is something I fight every day as well. My ideal world where we all just live in tubes and communicate via one way text messages and everything is clearly defined feels so far away. I have to remind myself that shades of grey EXIST EVERYWHERE and we are not defined by binaries. I find it easy to do in some places. Like sexuality or gender. I have never understood that binary. I don't understand the concept of being 100% straight and I find it beyond stupid that I cannot wear a skirt. THEY ARE SO COMFY. I think if I didn't live this boring money making retirement life, I would probably not conform to these things. BUT I AM A SELL OUT.
In other places, I find it very easy to follow that binary. For example, I think people are either liars or truth tellers. There is no middle ground for me. I ASSUME YOU ARE A LIAR for the first 5 years I know you and if I ever catch you in a lie, it resets. This is because I cannot tell the difference in the verbal or body cues, so I have to hit that binary hard for protection. IT IS A SLIPPERY SLOPE (and classic aspie trot).
That being said, I think recognizing this is a major achievement in all of our lives and I think adding multiple points to the data set leads to a better spectrum. I would advocate for a spider chart, because I find them beautiful, informative and supporting multiple axises. YOU ARE AMAZING, DON'T EVER FORGET THAT.
FAVORITE THING TO GO IN MY FACEHOLES THIS WEEK:
This guy is my new favorite thing on YouTube. He is a resident of one of the two "Cat Islands" in Japan (YES, there are TWO!!!!!). He films his encounters with the cats who often purr, jump on his lap and enjoy his company for 5 minutes until they are bored. I subbed immediately and it is such a joy every day seeing a new video from halfway across the world of cats being cats. If this doesn't PROVE LOVE, then I don't know what does.
There are so many videos, but this one might be my favorite: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp-_3_0V0p4. Most of you never knew the totally sweetness that my boy Johnny was, but this cat sounds a lot like him when you weren't here. WORTH THE SUBSCRIPTION.
WE ARE ALL DOING THE BEST WE CAN.
WE ARE NOT DEFINED BY BINARIES.
IT IS UP TO US TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
THAT IS ALL.