LIFESTYLE Newsletter Vol. 2 No. 4
Nick's LIFESTYLE Newsletter
I can never live with you and it makes me sad.
THIS IS AN INTRODUCTION
Hello again everyone. It's been a few weeks. A tragic few weeks. An exciting few weeks (at least for Melonie, who was in Germany being AMAZING).
- I've been playing the PS4 Spider-Man game. It's pretty amazing with a somewhat realistic map of Manhattan and lots to explore. It's like Breath of the Wild at 4x the speed.
- The latest in my love of Deepfakes: Donald Trump video on how to be cool at parties!!! I'm going to enjoy this while we are still in the "funny and not ruining democracy" phase of this technology.
- I'm typing this on my newest cleaned up keyboard, a 1987 IBM Model M from a terminal, run through a soarer's Converter. The springs in this thing feel amazing. Much better than the 1994 and 1991 models I've been rocking.
THIS IS THE END OF THE INTRODUCTION.
3 THINGS THIS WEEK:
ITEM THE FIRST:
EXIT PIPER. As you discovered in the last issue, we adopted a beautiful cat named Piper. Wow, did this cause some turmoil. The days leading up to her coming to our home were very hard. I was doubting myself and my ability to cat parent and honor the memory of the amazing JOHNNY AND EMILY. I think it scared Melonie a bit to see me like this, BUT I WAS RIGHT TO DOUBT. She arrived on a Thursday evening and we dedicated a room to her and spent time just relaxing and letting her get used to us. This continued on Friday. She started to warm up to us and even sat in our laps a bit as we watched GBBO.
As I went to bed that night, I noticed my asthma kicking in a little bit. I woke up the next morning and spent time with Piper before she hid for 12 hours. Once she was coaxed out, we sat in the room with her again and by Sunday, I knew it. I HAVE ALLERGIES. Not nose allergies, but chest allergies. I was hitting my inhaler every 4 hours or so. We made the painful and sad decision to return Piper. I emailed her foster mom and we gave her back on Monday. THIS WAS THE WORST. Thankfully, the foster mom was super nice and didn't make me feel like a TERRIBLE MONSTER. See, I totally forgot I have cat allergies. Didn't even enter my mind. I got used to my SUPER IMMUNITY from Johnny and Emily, I forgot that it didn't apply to all cats. Honestly, I haven't been around enough other cats since Johnny passed to experience it. I didn't have a reaction when we visited Animal Ark a few months ago or when we met Piper, but I guess living with her for a few days was enough.
This one hit me hard. REAL FUCKING HARD. I will never be able to have a pet again, since I am allergic to most things. It also reminds me of how fucking special those 16.5 years with Johnny and Emily were. A limited time where things worked out that I will never have again. Like youth. I know Melonie would love to have another cat (or more) around the house, and frankly we have THE BEST HOUSE for a cat. She has never pressured me or anything, but I know it makes her a little sad not to have cats jumping and cuddling on the bed at night. It makes me sad too. GUESS YOU WON JOHNNY, NO ONE ELSE CAN LOVE ME.
When she was hiding on Saturday, she was under our reclining chair. We couldn't grab her out easily, which worked in her favor, but we could pet her and boy was she happy to be pet. Even though she was hiding, she would instantly purr and move around to get the best scritches possible. I spent about 10 mins every hour with my hand under that chair petting away. I was trying to calm Piper and reassure her, but I think I also selfishly did it because it was like having an Emily or Johnny box that I could stick my hand in and pet something purring and soft just like they were. While losing Piper in the way we did was terrible, it was also a way to help me mourn two of the three saddest things in my life. It is unfair to Piper to put these memories on her, but she's a cat. She was just happy to be pet.
Listen, I know all of you and I know this won't apply (especially you overseas readers), but if you are interested in a really loving cat that is 9 years old and will require about a month of intensive love and care, but will be amazing after that, please consider adopting Piper. She is soft, purrs like crazy and has a lot of love to give. She doesn't want to be in a home with other animals or kids. Like me. She's seen some shit, but just wants a lap to call her own.
ITEM THE SECOND:
THE SECOND STORY WHERE MY BODY IS TURNING AGAINST ME. Lazerbeak, of Doomtree fame, has been on a real mindfulness and mental wellbeing kick for a few years, which culminated in his last album, Luther. Part of this has been a partnership with Wellness Minneapolis, where he is trying various services they offer and he had the owner, Jesse on his podcast. She is a functional nutritionist and I figured it would be worth a visit to check in go over my diet and see if she had any insights with my cholesterol. What you likely don't know, is that I've had elevated cholesterol for years and have been taking medicine to lower my numbers. HOLY SHIT, Jesse taught me so much. She looked at some other numbers and explained a lot to me in a way my doctor never has. Regardless, she thinks I might have some insulin resistance based on other non-cholesterol numbers and looking at what I eat and my inability to lose weight. I've been given some guidelines on what to eat (more leafy greens, no starchy vegetables, 1 piece of fruit a day, much less carbs) while we await some additional tests to better analyze my cholesterol and impacts to my liver functions.
While, I don't really believe in a lot of the services they offer at Wellness Minneapolis (like reiki and cupping), it was refreshing to talk with someone who understood nutrition and was able to explain what might be happening to me. At best I need to eat better and workout more (not too shocking), at worst my liver hates me and I'll be diabetic in the future, but I'll have the tools to fix that as best I can. MORE TO COME.
ITEM THE THIRD:
As mentioned in Vol. 2 No. 1, as part of my recovery from THE TERRIBLE THING, I created a set of 15 values that I can use as a rubric to analyze actions and activities. This was a difficult activity and I suggest a silent room and mind and the realization that you might be at rock bottom if you attempt it. Or, maybe you'll do better when you are being your amazing self. You do you. I share these for a few reasons: 1) for your help to hold me accountable for it; 2) to solicit feedback if these are accurate to how you perceive me; 3) to provide you a framework for your own exercise if you wish.
So, HERE ARE MY PERSONAL VALUES:
- Perseverance - I will persevere through failures and strive for success.
- Logic - I will deal with things in an objective way and not let emotions control me.
- Consistency - I will treat people and do things in a consistent manner regardless of my emotional state.
- Right Speech - I will abstain from careless speech and use words that are benevolent, meaningful and useful.
- Accomplishment - I will set goals and accomplish them and be humble about my accomplishments.
- Acceptance - I will not judge people or situations that are different than me/mine and will learn from their stories.
- Accountability - I will admit my mistakes to myself and make amends to people I have wronged.
- Honesty - I will live my life honestly and not tell lies of omission or commission.
- Hygiene - I will maintain a clean and non-cluttered personal space and mind.
- Confidence - I will be confident of my skills and abilities without being arrogant.
- Generosity - I will use my position of privilege to give back to family, friends and organizations that need help.
- Professionalism - I will act professionally at the workplace and treat my friends and family as equals and respect their time and consideration.
- Justice - I will act accordingly to what is fair with compassion and empathy.
- Dependability - I will be someone whom can be relied on for help or support.
- Personify - I will not objectify others and will respect everyone’s individuality with personalized attention.
I look forward to hearing any feedback you have.
GRATITUDES:
None, but in call back to ITEM THE SECOND, Lazerbeak often mentioned keeping a Gratitude Journal, where every day he wrote down 3 things he was grateful for every day. They didn't have to be big, like "really enjoyed my Clif bar today" is totally valid. It is more about taking time out to appreciate what you have, who you have around you and to give thanks for all the things that make you what you are. I need to be better about this, so I'll be starting my own soon. I hope you join me. All aboard THE THANK YOU TRAIN.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (please mark "ok to print"): none.
FAVORITE THING TO GO IN MY EARHOLES THIS WEEK:
One of my favorite musicians, Fear of Tigers, has a Patreon (which I love the concept of) and puts out a weekly podcast. Some episodes are new tracks, some are centered on exploring a genre or a theme, etc. On an episode a few weeks ago, he played a track I TOTALLY FORGOT. The setting is 1990, popular music is getting ready for the big cross over from traditional stadium rock/metal to grunge and concurrently the new wave/synthpop era is rapidly in the rear view mirror and this song comes along, about 4 years too late: CLICK HERE (I will wait).
Jane Child was way behind the time. I forgot this song existed. I was probably in a haze of Guns n Roses, Poison, Motley Crue and didn't even notice this. When I heard it again, I totally picked out that classic Fairlight or Synclavier sound. I hit up the Internet and read all about Jane Child and the Fairlight she used in the song. If you haven't seen a Fairlight, it is an amazing piece of 80's tech. Here is a video showing it. Note the amazing monitor with a pen so you could edit values. IN 1980. AMAZING! I remember reading all about these in Keyboard magazine when I was young, along with the E-mu II and other early samplers. Here are my 3 dream keyboards:
- Fairlight IIx (classic 80's sounds, plus it looks AMAZING)
- E-mu Emulator II (classic Depeche Mode keyboard, you see it in a lot of their videos)
- ARP Omni-2 (joy division fans should click this)
I HAVE FAILED PIPER.
BUT I DID THE BEST I COULD.
I AM ALLOWED TO FEEL SAD BUT I HAVE TO REMEMBER I MADE THE BEST DECISION FOR MYSELF AND THAT IS OK.
THAT IS ALL.