LIFESTYLE Newsletter Vol. 1 No. 11
Nick's Lifestyle Newsletter
Happy October
THIS IS AN INTRODUCTION
Hello again everyone. It's been a few weeks. A cold few weeks. An exciting few weeks with a staycation thrown in.
- Melonie claims to like ice cream. SHE IS LYING. She failed the 2018 Ice Cream Challenge spectacularly.
- The Bakken museum was disappointing, the Pavek is not. GO.
- If you are in the market for a smart watch, I recommend the Apple Watch Series 4. It's a big improvement over previous ones.
- Melonie is in improv again this year. She's AMAZING. Except at eating ice cream.
THIS IS THE END OF THE INTRODUCTION.
2-ish THINGS THIS WEEK:
ITEM THE FIRST:
WE MUST BE THE RESISTANCE WE WANT. Articles like this and this are inspiring to read, but this one really hit me. Here is the lead pull quote from the article, from Ras Tafari Makkonen. Now, he's a very problematic dude, but this quote is still great.
“Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph.”
I recently was visited by someone from Planned Parenthood not looking for donations, but just seeing if people in the neighborhood were voting. I had a great talk with him and thought he must have done something wrong to be in our neighborhood. Not only because he is from PP and this is a conservative neighborhood, but also because he is African-America.
I thought about what is might be like to be this guy, walking into unfriendly territory and thought I needed to do something (in the whitest, NPR listening way possible).
Our house is technically part of a HOA. The only two rules are: no external structures, cars, etc. and no yard signs. Knowing I can't put a BLM sign in the yard, I settled on an "All are Welcome Here" sticker on our door. It's literally the least I can do to signal to people invited and not invited to our home that they are welcome (unless they are children. CHILDREN ARE NOT WELCOME HERE but they don't sell that as an add-on to our sticker).
Our neighbor, Don DeGenaro, is old, white, retired, listens to Fox radio while he does his yard work and writes editorials to the paper. Our interactions are brief, but I have listened to a few lectures in my time about the terrible unions in California, the job taking Mexicans in Texas and the black kids selling magazines in the neighborhood and running scams (I literally have never experienced this here). I just sit back and let him talk at me. I never agree, but I never say anything. THIS IS PRIVILEGE. I WILL DO BETTER.
This quote from The Root article above really hit me when I read it:
"Donald Trump is a racist. At every turn he has demonstrated a presidential prejudice against blacks, Hispanics, Muslims and anyone who does not need a tanning bed to turn their skin the color of peach Faygo. Trump supporters might not outwardly support his white supremacy, but they won’t lift a finger to dismantle it. They won’t use their voices to condemn it.
Even if one prefers conservative policy or just hates Hillary, silence, inaction and carefully-parsed indifference still equal support. And supporting a racist is an act of racism. Therefore all Trump supporters are racist."
He's right. He is so right. My privilege is complicity. I fear rocking the boat too much. I fear just being the mirror image of what I don't want to be. I fear for our culture and society when the norms become yelling at each other, but I don't know what to do anymore. I won't be going to the Senate to shout down Senators, but I'm stopping racist and sexist talk when I see or hear it.
Melonie's Dad came to visit us a few weeks ago and we were all discussing politics and he talked about the #metoo movement and how he felt that Kavanaugh was a victim because his sense of a statute of limitations had expired. I shut that shit down as fast as I could and Melonie gave her perspective as well. I hope hearing his daughter share some experiences in her life will help him understand another perspective. That is what we can do. WE MUST DO BETTER.
ITEM THE SECOND:
Joy. It may not surprise you, but this year has not been my favorite year. I've had a lot of issues with personal relationships. They are being worked through and things are getting better. Lately, I've had a few experiences that made me forget all my superficial problems and experience pure joy.
Sub-item the first: All In
All In was an independent wrestling show in September. Yes, I know it is "fake," and I know you don't care, but stick with me. It was put together by 3 wrestlers, Cody Rhodes and Matt & Nick Jackson. They wrestle for New Japan and Ring of Honor (ROH). Cody was in the WWE, but left three years ago. He felt he wasn't being used to his potential and asked for his release. Matt & Nick, a/k/a The Young Bucks, have never wrestled for WWE. They have all been very successful in their careers in different ways. The Young Bucks have worked very hard and developed a cult following to the point that a few years ago at Wrestlemania, there were so many Young Bucks shirts that executives at Hot Topic asked WWE why they didn't give Hot Topic any Young Bucks shirts and WWE had to tell them that they were not their guys. This lead to the Young Bucks getting a deal for merch in Hot Topic, which is crazy for two independent dudes.
ANYWAYS - About 18 months ago, someone tweeted at a prominent wrestling journalist: "Do you think ROH could sell 10,000 tickets" and he responded "Not anytime soon." Cody saw this and said "I'll take that bet." Cody and the Young Bucks worked with New Japan and ROH to let them get talent under contract, called venues, booked entire hotels, arranged pay per view satellites and risked about $250k to rent out the Sears Center in Chicago and throw a truly independent wrestling show. They learned everything about show production, scaling ticket prices, promotion, sponsorships, marketing and took on this task by themselves. They announced 1 match before tickets went on sale. They did a press conference at 10a on a Sunday to coincide with the onsale and all 11,000 seats were sold in 23 minutes. This is the first non-WWE/WCW pro wrestling show since 1993 to sell (or attempt to sell) this many tickets. Most "major" independent shows do between 1,000-3,000.
Listen, I know you don't care about wrestling, but it is very inspiring to not only bet on yourself in such a big way, but to organically grow a movement where people all over the country travel to support you. Also, it was a great show. It had some great matches and the second cumming of Joey Ryan where you had 11,263 people chanting "rest in penis."
Sub-item the second:
Tower of Madness. This is a new board game I bought a few weeks ago. If you ever played KerPlunk as a child and though as an adult that you wanted to play a mix between Yahtzee and KerPlunk, this is your game. It is stupid. It is random. IT IS FUN.
Sub-item the third:
Doom (2016) is a new version of the classic game Doom. I always wait until computer games are on sale for under $15 until I purchase them, so I am generally 2 years behind the latest thing. Finally, Doom's turn came. I installed it (60 GB!) and loaded it on my WICKED FAST computer (sadly, having to install Windows on it) and HOLY SHIT. It's so good. I had the same feeling playing this that I did with Zelda: Breath of the Wild, where the game I was playing is the game I imagined the original version to be in my head. IGN made a handy comparison video. I had about 16 hours of unadulterated joy following the murder path and chainsawing things in half in the vivid detail that 12 year old me could only imagine. I highly recommend this game if you like murder simulators.
WHAT BROUGHT YOU JOY LAST MONTH?
SHAME STATISTICS:
Wani Kani:
Level 8
Apprentice: 54 (+7)
Guru: 164 (-57)
Master: 215 (+23)
Enlightened: 546 (+208)
Burned: 134 (+134)
BunPro: N5: 5/10
GRATITUDES:
To my friend Tami. I've known Tami for about 6 years now and we often play games and do other fun things with her and her husband, Wade. What I admire the most about her is her ability to feel joy and project it to everyone around her. She reminds me to just chill the fuck out and enjoy life.
The finale of Staycation was seeing the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Uptown. I've seen it live probably about 120 times at this point and I still love it every time. Tami and Wade joined us and I got to see it again through the eyes of a virgin. Every time I looked over she was laughing and throwing rice or blowing on her noise maker and having a great time. On the ride home, I said to Melonie that I have seen that movie a lot of times and that I will never experience that much joy about anything in life, even Rocky Horror.
I'm glad I have people like Tami in my life to remind me of joy and happiness on my pursuit TO BE BETTER.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (please mark "ok to print"):
In response to Vol. 1 No. 10, item the first, a reader wrote me (my original in italics):
"The thing is, is that I totally get it. I am a man of science, logic and rationality. I don't let feelings or empathy get in the way of that. THAT IS A TRAP. I could easily be a Ben. It is my instinct to be a Ben, but I know I have to do better. I have to work hard to have empathy and understand other perspectives. Probably harder than you. BUT I DO IT. I TRY MY BEST. Sometimes it is not good enough. This episode is a good reminder of why I try. HOW DO YOU EMPATHY?"
One of the key focuses in a leadership program I took was dealing with different, or difficult, people. Different personality types value and accept as valid different levels of emotional influence on a situation. Person A may value collaboration and community in decision making, while Person B sees that as a waste of time and more strongly values data and solution-focused decision making. I am Person B and think feelings in the workplace are juvenile. That’s a personality trait I need to keep in check, and so does Ben.
Why it matters outside the workplace and for Emma and Ben is that we can label Emma as A-type and Ben as B-type for a gross oversimplification of Emma’s emotional response and Ben’s fact-based approach to it. I haven’t listened to the episode, so I’m speculating here... Emma’s emotional response to whatever happened is that she was assaulted. Ben’s factual approach isn’t able to confirm in his mind that it happened. How Ben empathizes is by recognizing that this situation has two different “truths”. Emma’s truth is she was assaulted. Ben’s truth is the assault can’t be proven. Both of these things can be true, and a podcast is not the judicial system. Ben’s empathy can start with the idea that no matter what he believes, Emma’s experiences and emotional responses are very real to her, and no amount of amateur fact finding will change that. He can acknowledge her emotionally and leave the inquisition to therapists, psychologists, and other professionals with the appropriate training and experience.
It’s not going to hurt Ben to empathize with Emma’s struggle; it’s going to hurt Ben to position himself as the arbiter in other people’s lives when it is not necessary.
Hope this helps.
THANK YOU DEAR READER! The podcast eventually drove to this point that both truths are possible and the host did a really good job of trying to get Ben to empathize and understand that it was not a binary situation, but he just couldn't do it. I know I am very prone to binary thinking and I try to break out of it as much as I can. It gets easier the more you do it, but sometimes I need a reminder of the natural progression of that thinking and how flawed it can be.
FAVORITE THING TO GO IN MY EYEHOLES THIS WEEK:
Yes. It's another political thing, but it is a very good video about the effects of the changing demographics of America. It is enlightening and terrifying all at once.
Vox - The fractured politics of a browning America
WE MUST BE THE RESISTANCE WE WANT.
WE MUST STAND UP TO RACISTS, MISOGYNISTS AND BIGOTS.
IT IS UP TO US TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
THAT IS ALL.