November 26, 2024

It's okay for things to be difficult sometimes

A few months back, I wrote about what I’ve learned about humans from publishing a whole lot of daily word games. You can read that whole piece if you haven’t yet — it’s a good one! — but one key takeaway is that we want things to feel just difficult enough, but not impossible.

I don’t just write word games — I play them, too. I’ve been annoyed at the past several months of The New York Times Saturday crossword puzzle, because I feel like the new editor over there pushes to make those puzzles prioritize obscurity and difficulty over, you know, fun.

But I’m not actually writing about games today. As I write these words, it’s the Tuesday before Thanksgiving in the US. This is the time of year when you start to see memes about — and experience the reality of — how it’s the season of “let’s tackle this post-holidays!”

It can be tough to get business done in December. You’re battling vacations and holiday distractions. You’re working on budgets for next year that aren’t yet finalized. Maybe you’re looking to spend some budget before it’s gone — or you’re battling internal year-end issues.

And it’s not just holiday brain and time off. Holidays are stressful for many of us. In the US, we’re just past an extremely fraught election season. And we’ve all learned that you never know what’s going on with anyone else behind the scenes; folks may be battling health scares or family issues or pet problems or broken hearts. Life is complicated.

My point is this: As our Out-of-Office automated emails bounce back and forth, as meetings get postponed because too many folks are traveling, and as the stress of the end of the year piles up, remember that it’s okay if it’s a bit hard.

I often remind my clients regarding the challenges they face day to day that if it were easy, everyone would do it. Work (and word games!) don’t have to be easy. The dream is that they can be fun. When it gets hard — because of stress and frustration and people missing and all the other factors that make things hard — it’s easy (and human) to despair.

Your goal when this inevitable frustration arises is to control what you can control to limit or mitigate the grumpiness that frustration brings. When I’m tackling one of the now too-difficult NYT Saturday crosswords, I don’t play frustrated. I’ll look up a hint if I need it; I’ll work to admire clever (and yes, sometimes too clever) cluing.

When work is stressful, try to focus on the elements you can control — and where you excel. “Since we’re having trouble scheduling this meeting, let’s look to the week of 12/16. In the meantime, to keep the ball rolling, I’ll…” People appreciate when someone takes charge, especially when things feel like they’re getting chaotic. Take the wheel if you’re empowered to do so.

It’s also worth remembering that you’re not alone in your workplace stress this time of year. Not because misery loves company! But rather because you can empathize with your colleagues (and they in turn with you), since you’re all likely dealing with similar headaches.

It’s okay for work to be hard. But it shouldn’t be impossible. When things get rough, focus on the aspects where you can take action. It’s the easiest way to take some control.