Hello friends, 

I’m starting January off with a shuffle, not a bang. January is the worst time for me to jump into starting something new. I’m physically exhausted post-holidays, it’s my birthday and that brings about emotional weirdnesses that have to be dealt with, it’s cold outside and I want to hibernate, and if I’m being totally honest, I’m a bit grumpy, not only from eating so much sugar and fat-rich foods for the last six weeks, but also from being out of my routine.  

I thrive inside schedules, constancy, and predictability. I feel best when my days run like clockwork and include naps. It takes me until at least the 15th to start feeling like myself again. 

As a kid, I remember my dad saying he couldn’t wait to get back to work after a few days off between Christmas and New Years. I thought that sounded wild, when my favorite activity as a child was playing hooky from school, grabbing a book, and climbing up to hide in our cherry tree. But, I get now what he was saying. Let’s get things back in gear, folks. “No more sugar cookies and pie for lunch!” “Let’s go for a walk and see what we see.” “Reasonable bedtimes for everyone!”

If you are a small business owner who would benefit from having accountability around all the things you currently do by yourself, hire me. I’ll care about your business as much as you do. Here are a few things people have said about working with me:

• “Everything we've been working on for the past six months is suddenly coming together so beautifully! Thank you for encouraging me to put the work into myself and my business. It's paying off is such a huge way!!”

• “I'm just handling shit! I just had the most productive day ever, ever, ever! The work is wayyyyyy easier now because I know this is my time to crack on and then it will end! The work day will end! It’s not a never ending slog anymore.”

• “I felt really prepared! I'm feeling really capable! I am so grateful for your accountability. I does something in my brain that gets me to take care of things. It's really super helpful! Thank you!”

   

12 Months, 52 Weeks, 365 Days, 8760 Hours

Gone are the days when I wrote near-daily posts on my website that, after glancing through, I could tell you exactly how I spent my last year. It can be a struggle, specifically since 2020, to account for weeks of my time. There are many fun theories about this, (I do love quantum theories!) but I tend to lean into the more scientifically backed ones - traumatic situations, especially when stacked one on top of the other, can create a kind of looseness in your ability to track time. And, boy howdy, have we had a humongous stack. But, this last year, I kept some notes on what I did so I wouldn’t have to try so hard to remember. I present to you:

The Things I did in 2025

Switched from Spotify to Qobuz (because Spotify is terrible)

Created a dozen playlists. Here’s my favorite one: Sept 2025, (32 tracks, 1hr 57min 6 sec)

Switched from Google Chrome to Ecosia on my phone

Switched from Substack to Buttondown (because Substack has some ideological problems and Buttondown is simple)  

Picked up DuoLingo again (Spanish and German) 

Collected more fidgeters (love this ice cube from my meta, Erin)

Mentoring Practice

Enjoyed working with my mentoring clients

Created and then closed a group on Mighty  

Held dozens of virtual art/reading/coworking groups 

Started doing small business coaching  

Tried Google Ads (confusing, laborious set-up, expensive, poor results)

Tried advertising on Instagram (two thumbs way, way down)

Tried advertising in a queer-run newsletter (recommend!)   

Tried advertising by making my own videos (meh result)

Did someone send you this newsletter? You can subscribe right here:

Human Connection

My son, Devon, and his wife, Lacey, and family came to stay with us in Seattle and we showed them around (even though it was a tight squeeze in the apartment, it worked out well! Will def do again!)

Went on my first solo vacation in years to visit my friend, Avory, in San Diego, who I hadn’t seen for five years (whut?!). Also got to see my son, Tony, and his wife Ashley, for a few hours (had one lovely beach walk, got bit by a dog [my fault - not his!], got covid for the 2nd time, came home early)

Tried reconnecting with some members of my family of origin (with heartache, heartbreak, and very little success)

Did more in-person things like:

Hosted several dinner/game/friend nights (Rummikub and Ticket to Ride are favorites) 

Went on several first coffee dates, one follow up dinner, no third dates (doubt I will get on the apps again)

Tried to make friends with my neighbors (did not….pan out)

Rejoined Meetup

Joined and then left a chorus group (They are great! It’s a stamina/health issue)  

Went to a Halsey concert

Creative Stuff

Joined and then left an art collective on Bainbridge Island (They are great! It’s a distance issue.)  

Attended an Intaglio print class

Finished a fun digital painting of my son and his sweet doggo (who went over the rainbow)

Attended two pottery classes (I recommend Amy Kastelin if you’re looking for a great teacher in the Seattle area)  

Worked on several different styles of painting (getting into some stylized portrait work)

Experimented with alcohol markers like these and it’s really fun to layer when I doodle

Tried to make my first block print on my own with very limited success  

Made five stuffed guys (as Santa) from the movie Dog Man that don’t exist

Did a bit more on my vest made from all my inherited family fibers, but not much.

Writing

Wrote for about 120 hours including: several essays for a book project, song lyrics

Submitted my prose book 8 times, got 8 rejections 

Nature

Watched many hummingbirds out my studio window drinking from the salvia on the balcony

Hugged many wonderful trees in many parks: visited Portland’s International Rose Test Garden, Council Crest, and Japanese Garden. Swam in the Sandy River in Oxbow Park, Toured Crystal Springs Rhododendron Garden. Ate lunch at University park in Eugene, OR. Ate dinner at Millersylvania State Park. Walked through Seattle’s Cowen and Ravenna Parks which are connected with trails. Traipsed through Discovery Park. Went to the Mill Creek North Creek Trail with my friend, Chani, and saw amazing slugs. Saw the Skagit Valley tulips with Brandelyn. Took the ferry to Vashon, Whidbay, and Bainbridge islands. And visited Zumdieck a dozen times or so. Drove and hiked through Red Rock Canyon outside Las Vegas. (I feel like I’m missing a couple. Will probably update this.)

Got my own miniature Japanese Maple for the balcony

Appreciated skies

Nurtured my plants (new additions: Chinese Money Plant, Polka Dot Begonia)

Tried to make plant dyes from fallen oak tree leaves (which got moldy because I waited too long to use the dye)

Personal Growth & Milestones

Expanded my capacity to sit with discomfort

Expanded my understanding of Internal Family Systems  

Healed/loved/reveled in some layers

Uncovered and made a soft spot for some deeper layers

Showed up for myself by better understanding my boundaries and needs, then actually communicated them to my partners (I suspect this will always be one of the hardest things for me to do)

Showed up for my partners in solid, meaningful ways

Rested, a lot

Cried, a lot

Physical Health

Started drinking salt water in the morning (dysautonomia)

Started Methotrexate (autoimmune conditions)

Started cromolyn sodium and low dose naltrexone (MCAS, body inflammation, systemic pain)

Started and then quit a Cpap machine (moderate sleep apnea)

Doubled the amount of digestive enzymes I take per meal (improved digestion and nutrition, way less heartburn, wavy fingernails and thin hair improving), added Thorne’s GI relief (jury still out)

Retired my cane to the closet (for now? for awhile?)

Gained more movement in general - I can walk on flat ground much longer, reach my arms up easily (which is fantastic for playing with grands!), bend over to the floor without pain, take stairs if there’s a handrail. I wear my hip band for household tasks and whenever I’m going to be standing for very long and that’s been a game changer (skeletal stability, Heds) 

Started working out again (limited rowing, recumbent bike, and swimming)

Started and then paused a GLP-1 (benefits for my autoimmune conditions, hope to restart early this year but $$$)  

Started a PTNS series (ongoing, have a permanent ankle bruise) that seems to be working (my near future will likely hold an implant for more bladder control like this one or this one but I hate surgeries so I’m putting it off as long as I can). I’ve learned a lot this past year about how my connective tissue and poor muscle control, due to Heds, shows up in ways I wouldn’t have imagined but makes total sense after I understand the facts. This is one of those areas.

Literature

Subscribed to Nautilus (I get both digital and print. Love.)

Subscribed to Tangle, 1440, Ground News

Read a few fantastic books, many good ones, and one not great one. This last year my reading was less nonfiction and much more fiction than in recent years. My favorite standout was Light from Uncommon Stars, by Ryka Aoki. Trans storyline, trans author, lovely scifi-romance story. I bought it for a couple of friends and rcced it to many others. Second fav was Life Form, by Jenny Slate. Odd, compelling, magical little book. Also liked: My Friends, by Fredrik Backman (thanks to my Aunt Joanie), The First Bad Man, by Miranda July (thanks to my friend, Linus), Starsight by Brandon Sanderson (thanks to my brother),  Spent, by Alison Bechdel (thanks to my meta, Erin), Nimona, by N. D. Stevenson (thanks to my previous husband, Joe), The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center, by Rhaina Cohen (thanks to my niece, Maddie), Doppelganger: A Trip into the Mirror World, by Naomi Klein, They Called Us Exceptional: And Other Lies That Raised Us, by Prachi Gupta, The Life Impossible, by Matt Haig (I really enjoyed The Midnight Library last year. This one is ok), the beautiful prose book, Plums for Months, by Zaji Cox, The Invisible Manual: How It Feels to Grow Up Autistic and Undiagnosed, (thanks to my sister), Zami: A New Spelling of My Name: A Biomythography, by Audre Lorde, The House in the Cerulean Sea and Somewhere Beyond the Sea, by TJ Klune (LOVED, and pretty good), The Dutch House: A Novel, by Anne Patchett, and Even Though I Knew The End, by C.L Polk. Unless you’re really into 12-Step programs and messy redemption(?) stories, you can skip All The Way To The River by Elizabeth Gilbert, which I read so I could talk about it with my friend, Ariel.

Brandelyn read to me: The Secret Lives of Color, by Kassia St. Claire (a delicious book), The Reason I Jump, by Naoki Higashida (absolutely a must read), The Neuroscience of You, by Chantel Prat (SO interesting), Ross Gay’s Book of Delights and Inciting Joy, and Bite by Bite, by Aimee Nezhukumatathil (loved her first book, World of Wonders, this one is good).

This last book recc is cheating because I actually read it this year, but I don’t want to wait a whole year to tell you about it. Wintering, by Katherine May (thanks to my dear friend, Kelli) is a lovely cold weather companion with sweet insights, wisdom, and heartfelt stories, not trite, nor magical thinking-esque. You might enjoy it if you’ve experienced or are experiencing hard things (like, that’s everyone?).

TV, Movies

Consumed 5.5 seasons of Scandal with Brandelyn 

Rewatched Severance with Psyche 

Watched many cult-focused documentaries and TV series including: Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey, Bikram: Yogi, Guru, Predator, The Family, The Program, Dancing for the Devil, Escaping Twin Flames, Stolen Youth: Inside the Cult at Sarah Lawrence, The Cult of Mother God, Heaven’s Gate, Jesus Camp, Escaping Utopia, Tickled, Shiny Happy People, Daughters of the Cult, The Vow, Sons of Perdition, Murder Among the Mormons, Mormon No More, America’s Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Sister Wives, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, Devil in the Family: The Fall of Ruby Franke, Evil Influencer:The Jodi Hildebrandt Story, The Rise and Fall of LuLaRoe.

Can recommend: Dying for Sex, Shrinking, The Residence, Nobody Wants This, Running Point, Adolescence, Dept. Q, A Man on the Inside, Wednesday, The Morning Show, Agatha All Along, Wanda Vision, Silo, and Pluribus 

Food

Cooked hundreds of delicious meals and a few dozen desserts. Leaned more into soups and salads. Roasted a ton of things. Created a pretty dang good Vollkornbrot bread loaf (with a few modifications to this recipe) in the Pullman loaf pan. Other standouts include:  Sicilian-Style Citrus Salad, Cheesy Hasselback Potato Gratin, several versions of sheet pan dinners of protein + veggies, Corn Polenta with Baked Eggs, and Chocolate Dump-It Cake. The Ombre Gratin I made for Thanksgiving was overly complicated, took two days, was beautiful, tasted pretty ok, but will never be made by my hands again. 

And, Finally, A Nod Towards Spite

In the words of the kids, 2025 was brutal and we all have scars, but it was also giving a renewed need to intentionally, doggedly, seek whimsy and joy. I attribute my ability to exist every new morning to a solid sense of understanding why I need routines and what those routines should be made of, line by line, and then following them as much as possible, even when I throw a tantrum on the inside about it. 

And, strange as it might seem, I sometimes attribute my ability to intentionally seek whimsy and feel joy to a jagged kernel inside my chest that is made of flinty spite, which might seem antithetical, but I assure you it’s not. 

The people in power would have me cower in fear and sadness, and I admit that I do feel afraid and sad and grieve daily. But, I don’t cower and I won’t hide. I’m not ashamed to be alive. I’m nonbinary, trans, and queer and I will seek out and squeeze every single drop of joy there is to be had in this life. And I will do it in public, proudly, so other queer people can feel safe around me.

There are some days when I manage surviving easily. And on other days, I do it out of pure spite in the face of those who wish I didn’t exist, who mock me, who wish I was different and more palatable, who believe I’m evil. Spite has carried me through many dark hours and I’m thankful for it as a feeling that will move me from one place to another, from the spiraling abyss to being truly okay. Because, inevitably, within thirty minutes or so, I’ll forget all about those people and fully inhabit whatever I’m doing. My ripening heart’s glowing softness will envelope the poky sparks of spite and I’ll forget, for a time, that those people exist. I will simply be, and Being will be everything there is. 

I’m glad I’m still here on this planet with you. I’m glad you’re here, too. Let’s stick together and make it to the other side of this hellscape, yes? 

I love you.

Leoh 

P.S. If you know a small business owner who would benefit from having accountability with someone who will care about their business as much as they do, I would love to have you send them my way.