Room To Learn Who We Are Over & Over Again - February 2024
Note: While this is a G-rated newsletter, it does talk about sex, sexuality, kink, queerness, and non-monogamy in an educational context. Consider yourself warned.
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The Cocoon Is Beautiful Too
In the free image sites that I checked, when you search for "cocoon", the results produce more pictures of butterflies than actual cocoons. What people really want, the search engine assumes, is the finished project, the butterfly. I don't want to assume the reason for this, but I do find it curious that cocoons, while beautiful in their own right, not seemingly as popular.
Since I came out as non-binary last year, I've felt this pressure to announce what the "end state" of my transition will look like. People are happy to celebrate change so long as it is limited in time, scope, and has easy-to-follow rules. They have a hard time wrapping their head around the idea that being non-binary might actually be about permission to embrace the ever-changing nature of who and what I am. Life is change and attempts to control that change are to go against the very nature of who we are and the endless possibilities we contain.
Content Warning in the next paragraph for mention of blood: Early in January, I had the pleasure of teaching in Vancouver for the wonderful folks at Westcoast Bound. In addition to my own workshops, I got to aid the amazing Thista Minai in a ritual-based workshop on Sacred Blood. This workshop looks at how to use blood in sacred kink both for spiritual work and personal ritual. To demonstrate this, while surrounded by the attendees, Thista took a small amount of blood from my forearms (a source of personal power for me) and drew a simple cocoon on my chest.
The intent here was to give permission. Permission to not rush the part of life where we are building resources to make change. Permission to see beauty in the process of changing. Cocoons are powerful things, they are not a state that simply exists between important things. Being a cocoon is just as sacred, holy, and biologically important as being a caterpillar or a butterfly.
I hope in this time of change and growth, you hold dear the parts of you that are uncertain, the parts that are finding their way. That finding of your way is vital. Change is sacred, and important, and not to be rushed.
Coaching Support
With the start of the new year, I've had lots of new folks reaching out to talk to me about 1-on-1 coaching to troubleshoot their relationships, figure out how to explore their sexuality, and develop their communication skills. I'm especially proud of the lovely humans who have connected with me recently to improve their understanding of how to apply principles of collaborative, ongoing consent to their existing and new relationships!
If you would like to connect with me for coaching, please reach out!
Upcoming Online Events
Workshops for Kinksters
February 1st I will be kicking off the month with a bang with my Exploring Dominant Vulnerability workshop! If you are a person who enjoys playing the dominant role in kink, sex, or ongoing power exchange, I'd love to have you join me for this workshop. We'll discuss the pressure we can place on dominants to be "perfect" and not express insecurities or the "wrong" feelings. Dominance is a great way to connect with our partners, but only if we have the right tools to build authentic, intimate connection!
Workshops for Everyone
February 22nd, I will be running my popular workshop Collaborative Consent: Pursuing Pleasure While Reducing Risk. This workshop is a favourite when I teach in-person at conferences and I'm thrilled to be sharing it online. Are you ready to explore the art of consent and negotiation in a fun, connective way? Learn how to connect and communicate with your partners, share your desires, and create consent in a scene or during sex. You will also discover the benefits of risk-aware and non-transactional consent, both for yourself and for the community at large. Everyone can improve their consent practice through intentional, thoughtful community-based learning.
Finally, on February 29th my partner HitchinKitten and I will be debuting our brand-new workshop Discovering & Communicating Aftercare Needs.Please note this workshop will not have my usual options to watch a recording, you can only join live! In this exciting new workshop, HK and I will talk about how we have both learned to figure out our care needs for when important, connective scenes or moments of intimacy have happened. Whether we feel great about how we connected or not, having care tools and ways to communicate about that care are an important tool for every explorer and sexual adventurer.
Support & Connection
If you would like to connect with me for coaching, please do. Sliding scale is available, and I am happy to have a free consultation prior to beginning our work together.
As always, I appreciate your donations toward my educational & community work.
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