Hello friends,

Here’s the first real actual song of this project. It is called I Will Not Confess.

A little bit about the making: I wrote this song a couple of years ago, after taking a regular singing gig at a catholic church (hence the line about beating one’s breast, an action that is part of the liturgy). The original music was a rather tepid piano waltz. I recorded a deeply unsatisfying version last summer with guitar and carnival-esque electric piano flourishes. It was terrible. I was stuck. About three weeks ago, however, I woke up thinking what if beats? What if… BEATS?!

And so, I made baby’s first beat in Logic, and I walked around playing snippets for friends and saying “Look, I made this!” It was very fun, and I have semi-serious plans to make an instrumental version and put it on youtube as a Lo-Fi Beat To Study To (and then… profit?!?).

Thank you for listening, and if you liked this song, please share it with someone. Lyrics below :)

xoxoxo, Lauren

—

I will not confess.
I've done nothing wrong.
Or if I have, I need forgiveness not from God.
Why should you know all that I've done?
Beat my breast, run out of breath, run till I'm caught.

I wanted my life to be good soil,
I wanted my life to be all yours.

I will not pretend
I don't know this song.
It burns in my brain — hallelujah.
How can I love anyone without feeling burdened or tied, subsumed, crucified?
I refuse to believe that to love is to die.

I wanted my life to be all yours
but now I just want my life to be mine again.