Winter Tomatoes
My friend told me that she had a dream about winter tomatoes; grey-green pebbles that wouldn't ripen.
My initial interpretation of this image was that to bring something to fruition, the timing and conditions must be exactly right. That you can't create in the wrong season or plant from bad seeds.
But then I began to wonder if winter tomatoes are just weird fruits.
My first interpretation made me think about the psychoanalytic concept of reaction formation. I was drawn to a place of perfectionism: there is one right way to create, and if I can just figure out the correct way… This intrigued me, and I realised how much of my work has come from a place of reaction formation especially when I have acted as I should, rather than because of alignment with my values.
Reaction formation was telling me to create a grand unified theory of book-writing, to write daily newsletters, and to host regular online sessions. I am so glad to have met many of the people now reading this letter through doing that work, and I relished the experience. But… the time away has allowed me to see that I have been bringing perfectionism into my relationship with art-making, writing, and teaching.
In December, I read Alice Sparkly Kat's always-sage astrological advice: “you nourish your ethics by deciding link what kinds of conversations you are ready for and by giving your secrets the privacy they need to transmute.” This gave me the impetus to disappear for a little while, to reflect on what it might feel like to do things differently.
A conversation in early January with a creative peer began a new train of thought. We talked about the strangeness of having to remember who you are after time away from a place, person, or project. We talked about world-building, book-writing, and art-making as fantasies that you can invite others into to make them real.
Most importantly, we talked about our missions. Our big, life's work missions. When put on the spot, I realised mine was not the one I thought it was (help people to finish their projects and develop sustainable writing practices) but something else entirely…
I think it has to do with planting in the “wrong” season, working with “bad” seeds, and bearing weird fruit. I think it is to help writers to feel safe enough to make their art, and to work with their own defence mechanisms and reaction formations.
I think my mission is one of deviancy.
What are Deviant Strategies?
This term emerged when I was writing about oblique research, a method I use to break free of creative blocks. This means going on a deep dive into something that has nothing to do with any of the projects you should to be working on (like why would someone create a fluorescent rabbit?)
If I tried to work on something I should be doing, it would begin to feel like pressure. If I took a deep dive online, followed a rabbit hole, or wrote a surprise scene for a character in an existing story, I could overcome my own defence mechanisms long enough to write myself back into the work.
Because this felt like something secret – a little bit deviant* – it silenced my inner critic who warned me not to try in case I failed.
For some writers consistency is key, but for others this is a way to replicate shame-based trauma.
When I realised that it was the deviancy that broke down resistance, I was able to see this as a strategy that could be applied across my practice and process.
Oblique research is a deviant strategy, but so is entering an altered state, meditating on a specific sound or colour, or taking inspiration from a physical landscape. Almost anything can be a deviant strategy if it meets the following criteria:
· It has nothing to do with the task at hand.
· It is an immersive experience.
· It provokes a creative response.
I don't know yet how this will inform my future work, but I hope you will find something useful in it, even if your deviant strategies are different to mine.
* I am indebted to the work of Adrienne Maree Brown, Brian Eno, and Michelle Pellizzon for their respective concepts of Emergent Strategy, Oblique Strategies, and Divergent Strategies, all of which informed Deviant Strategies. I also thank M. Forajter for her note in response to my original piece where she picked out “deviant” as the crucial term.
Recent Experiments
In my own move away from reaction formation, I have started to create work inconsistently, and secretly. I have gathered three recent pieces below.
Thank you to Kening Zhu for her thoughtful work on world-building and creativity. Her introvert's guide to sharing work was instrumental in my decision to do this.
February 2024
🐚 this is microdosing ceremony, a weekly-ish letter from my artist’s cocoon to yours.
🌺 find out more about rituals and writing on the ceremony podcast.
🐇 explore creative rabbit holes on my website.