Everything that glitters is not gold, but that doesn't apply to your next vehicle.

Recently, which I'm sure you're aware of reader, the first ever Tesla Diner opened up in Los Angeles. Sure, it may have a few unhappy people in front of it, but when has that stopped you from having a good time? That was a rhetorical question. The real question is what car are you pulling up to the diner in?

Obviously a Tesla, but which one? Given that Elon Musk himself doesn't really like the way America may be going, you might have to narrow down you choices. If only someone would make a vehicle that could protect you. Something that could, oh I don't know, be apocalypse proof! Surely that would ward off those pesky protesters. That's right reader, you're pulling up in a Cybertruck! Obviously with the the Cyberbeast package with the matching Cyber Wheels (only $3500!). For a cool $121K, you'll be the person that everyone will envy. Unless, someone else gets that too. If only there was a way for you to stand out over every other Cyberbeast that pulls up.

What's a little extra money?

You're not the type to swap your emblem, you want these haters to know you got a Tesla! Sure you could get a sick wrap, but you're better than that reader. You could actually make it apocalypse proof, maybe even make it look like the Warthog from Halo. You're not some weirdo though. You're here to flex on these kids, not be some goofy basic bitch. That's why you need to drop an extra $60K for this:

That is how you make a statement! JerryRigEverything has a video gold plating the Cybertruck with 24 Karots of gold. They did themselves, but if I were you I'd just pay someone else to do it. You got to figure out what side to add to your $13 hot dog. Epic Bacon for only $12!? Add a little Dirty Kombucha for $11 to sip on while you watch a movie? I like your priorities reader!

To be real with you, you still need to worry about washing your cybertruck. It may not rain during the apocalypse, but it does now. Especially the tears that will be raining down those losers that aren't you! Ugh! So annoying! They just want to talk about how you're funding fascism and all this blah blah blah. Good thing your Cybertruck comes with Grok! Who needs friends when you got your very own waifu, amirite?

I'm not here to judge you reader. If you want to spend your money on a product that helps the richest man in the world ultimately own the libs, so be it. You didn't buy your Cybertruck as a political statement. It's just a car. Hell, maybe even you throw your heart out to people.

If so, it must be nice.

An Extra Golden Nugget

Well since you got the Tesla already, you have got to play Cyberpunk 2077 on it! That is, unless you got a Cybertruck, because then you can't play it? WTF!? Anyway, get the same person that goldened your truck to get under that battery. It's time to upgrade your Cybertruck again! I could sit here and convince you to slap a $2500 Solid Gold RTX 5080 Graphics in that bad boy, but then I'd be neglecting this $10000 Solid Gold RTX 5090!

Lucky for you, I know you have a half a million burning a whole in your bank account. If only someone made a pure gold, something like 11 pounds of pure gold, RTX 5090 to just let you flex on these regular RTX 5090 owners. Feast your eyes reader:

Maybe with that gold graphics card I can finally hit gold in Valorant? I could use all the help I can get.

things i read

From bootcamp to bust: How AI is upending the software development industry | Anna Tong for Reuters

Inside the ‘Whites Only’ Community in Arkansas | David Gilbert for WIRED

What Cyberpunk 2077 Can Teach Real-World Cities | Nathan Grayson for Aftermath

The Big Money Behind All Those Bite-Size Social-Media Videos | Ben Raab for WSJ

Inside San Francisco's Robot Fight Club | Ashlee Vance for Core Memory

The catfishing scam putting fans and female golfers in danger | Carson Kessler and Gabby Herzig for The Athletic

The Mystery of the L.A. Mansion Filled With Surrogate Children | Katherine Long, Ben Foldy, Sara Randazzo for WSJ

A startup promised 45,000 EV jobs to struggling towns. They’re still waiting. | Ames Alexander for Floodlight

How Tea’s Founder Convinced Millions of Women to Spill Their Secrets, Then Exposed Them to the World | Emanuel Maiberg for 404 Media

Chinese Livestreaming 'Virtual Human' Salespeople Are Outselling Their Human Counterparts | Jason Koebler for 404 Media

A hidden network handles chats for OnlyFans stars. AI could soon take over | Michael Beltran for Rest of World

Inside the Underground Trade of ‘Flipper Zero’ Tech to Break into Cars | Joseph Cox for 404 Media

How DOGE Left Mohammad Halimi’s Life in Tatters | Avi Asher-Shapiro, Christopher Bing for ProPublica

Orgies, survival bunkers, and life upheavals: Meet the preppers embracing the AI apocalypse | Rob Price for Business Insider

What other golden things would take into the apocalypse with your Cybertruck? Let me know at blog@lattepunk.com.