Must Be Lattepunk
Lattepunk
Hey reader! Going into the archives this week. Before we dive in, a note from our sponsors:
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From the archive I got a project that died in some digital folders. My cousin had this idea for a website and I ended up writing a few pieces for it. Essentially it was writing about overly expensive items that were literally just a flex. It was a good idea, but then Tity Boi went and did it better.
I actually didn’t even get my cousin’s permission to use this. Whatever, I wrote it. This seems to be from around 2014. I actually have a few of these in the archive and I wouldn’t mind doing something like this again.
When I went to check some of the links, it seems like the website was taken over and repurposed. Luckily, we have the Wayback Machine. I didn’t collect every link, but here is the main one (this is what it looks like today).
I definitely wouldn’t write it like this if I did it again. But I do like how young and hopeful I sounded. Here it is, completely unedited (outside of some links missing). Enjoy!
No mountain high and no valley low enough for this bike
We’re all in search of that perfect piece to bring the room together. Whether it’s the perfect colored throw blanket for the living room couches, the “Be You” decal on your bedroom wall, or even a matching lid for you kitchen garbage can. Finding something that catches your guest’s eyes can be challenge. Unbeknownst to you, The House of Solid Gold (THSG) has got you covered!
Artist Hugh Power has created multiple pieces of home and lifestyle decor to fit your needs. From a diamond accented golden chess set to a 18K solid gold guitar pick, THSG definitely has something to (dare I say) brighten your living quarters.
But such luxurious items need not be bound to just the interior of your household. Do you feel the need to show everyone in your neighborhood how blessed you truly are? Show them what your worth with this gold mountain bike.
At the small price of a half a million dollars, you could be just one of thirteen proud owners of a “Beverly Hills Edition” fat bike. The aluminum body is overlaid with 24K gold and includes “over 600 Black Diamonds (6.0 carats in total) and 500 Golden Sapphires (4.5 carats in total)” on the THSG emblem. You can get this bike, which features a customized alligator seat, “delivered and unpacked for you anywhere in the world” as long as you don’t pay via credit card (PayPal wasn’t an option either). Lucky for us THSG posted the parts list on it’s page, so let us see how much we could do this for ourselves.
If you started with the highest priced Mukluk bike ($4,500) and swapped out the components for the different parts used, you’re looking at spending roughly $6,400. You can get a better price if you a) shop around or b) have any kind of knowledge about bicycles (unlike myself). Whatever you do, do NOT forget the most important part!
I know what you’re thinking, you won’t get that sick stingray accented golden water bottle that comes with it. Maybe with the money you’re saving you could pick your teeth some swag. If contemplating to spend your $500,000.00 for this is the types of problems you have, it must be nice.
Recommendations:
No Mana released a new album that I’ve had in heavy rotation since it came out. It’s called “I Contain Flashing Images”. Banger album. (Spotify) (Apple Music)
I saw the Beetlejuice play last week. I was not expecting to enjoy it as much as I did. I definitely didn’t have “getting into Broadway Musicals” on my bingo card for 2024, but here we are! I’ve been listening to the soundtrack and telling myself I got the right octaves to sing it. (Spotify) (Apple Music)
I couldn’t decide if I wanted to give you a heads up that your router, YOURS, is helping Google and Apple track people’s locations. Or if I should tell you if you’ve ever gone to a concert, your data is most likely leaked online. Maybe I was better off warning you that PayPal is going to use your Venmo data to sell ads. Meh. Just be careful you don’t get labeled a shoplifter by AI.
If you want something cool to buy that tickles that nostalgia itch, check out this Game Boy Handheld by ModRetro. If you buy, send me pictures so I can live vicariously through you.
If you enjoyed this, share it with someone.