On the topic of speaking
Recently I was given a 'feedback' by a mentor- an area where I could do better. In short, it was 'every word counts'. I have been reflecting on this for a while and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I have missed a crucial perspective in becoming a leader.
The result of my reflection, I realized the evolution of my own communication style over the years - more specifically on why I communicated the way I communicated:
Prove the other person wrong - 'you so dumb you're lowering the IQ of the entire street'
Prove myself right - 'technically the right answer'
Protect myself and hide my insecurities - 'I'm speaking so you know i know stuff' and also 'i am not confident enough to speak in front of others because what if they find out i am an imposter?')
Promote myself - 'what you want to hear', aka 'hey, i am the good guy'
Share my perspective - 'sharing of experiences that might be relevant to the context'
Influence somebody's thought process - 'sharing perspectives that resonate with the audience and make them ponder'
Inspire myself and others - 'sharing perspectives that resonate - through deliberate choice of words, empathy, and conviction that springs the audience into action'
There are people who can inspire without being a deep expert on a topic and those, who are deep experts but struggle to keep the other person awake while communicating. I realized if I am ever to be a leader, I ought to take the 'every word counts' feedback to heart. Now my list of 'Is this the kind of leader I want to become?' has one more item - 'Is this the style of communication that I will look for in a leader?'.
No child is born an inspirational speaker - some, perhaps, with a predisposition for language. Inspiring through words is a learnable skill but only with deliberate, mindful practice. I am not good at it yet, but I could see how it has helped to elevate my communication. One technique I employ is to treat every interaction, regardless of situation - personal, senior leadership, client, team, friends, as if an opportunity to inspire someone. After all, leaders can't be just leaders at work. We either have leadership qualities, or we don't. Of all the feedback on communication, this has resonated with me the most.
A leader has many attributes that makes them stand out from the followers - often we hear about listening, entrepreneurship, empathy, problem solving, passion, grit and others. But ultimately, all of that boils down to how they communicate. Every word is an opportunity to inspire. Every word is a choice. We may be experts in our own regard, but we will not be able to lead if we use words only to share what we know instead of what will inspire the audience to be/do better. This, to me, is the perspective difference - communicating to inspire rather than only to share your thoughts.