I have been on and off dating apps since I was 22. I initially got on them when I moved to Chicago for my first grad school. I didn’t know many people, and thought it would be fun to try online dating, which was still fairly new at the time. I didn’t have a smart phone and there weren’t apps yet, so I joined OkCupid via their website.

The years I lived in Chicago—4 total—are filled with countless first (and last) dates, disappointing hookups, and situations that I’m thankful I got out of alive. This is not hyperbole—I dated, unbeknownst to me at the time—some very unsafe and scary people. I would often have at least two dates each weekend. I would get a free meal out of it at the very least. I heavily believed in a dreamy love that felt so close yet so far out of reach.

I’m back on the dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge), and I want to gauge my eyes out. I look at all genders and to no one’s surprise, it’s the straight white men who have the scariest profiles. They have one of four kinds of pictures: 1) a terrible selfie, 2) a shirtless pic, 3) a pic with dead animals, and/or 4) a pic with them and their gun. It’s bleak out there, y’all.