I love videogames. I love the little worlds I find in them. I play them for the stories (mostly), so I always make sure the difficulty setting is on “Easy.” I don’t care for combat in videogame world or the real world. I often feel like my actual life never switches off of “Hard” mode.

After my first mental breakdown (age 17, bullied, illness, etc), I started to notice sensations in a way I hadn’t before. I was hyper-aware of everything happening in my mind and body. It didn’t feel good. Each sensation felt intrusive. Had I always felt these sensations? Was I just noticing them now because of trauma? The Zoloft muted them. I was grateful, but I didn’t know I’d be paying a hefty price.