Superstitions
I freely admit I'm very superstitious about football. Given that I walked a mile out of my way last Saturday to buy a sandwich that I hoped would make us win, I can hardly argue otherwise. But I maintain that my superstitions are not just a neutral or even positive way to make decisions, but also a completely reasonable way of dealing with the fact that football results affect my mood so deeply without being under my control.
The people who tell me my superstitions are ridiculous never offer a different way of coping. Sometimes they add that caring about the result enough to warrant a superstition is likewise ridiculous, but they don't suggest any way to stop caring. I don't think there is a way, short of some kind of personality transplant, so trying to subtly woo the footballing gods is the best option open to me.
I was particularly angry with the way my kid's other dad used to mock my superstitions. Not just for his patronising, superior tone, but because I knew very well that he had any number of superstitions of his own which he refused to even admit were superstitions.
He followed some fad diet out of a book that promised to keep modern life from killing him, turning down all manner of meals I offered to cook on the grounds that the book said they were bad for you. He went as far as to wash syrup off tinned fruit, but when I pointed out that this was his version of trying to make us win with pastrami sandwiches, he insisted that it's different because your diet can influence your health.
Diet can indeed influence health, but a lot of the ways we think about diet are superstitions. We read a study saying that people who eat the latest trendy grain have better health outcomes than people who don't, and we assume we can improve our own health by eating more of it. But the trendy grain is expensive, so the people who eat it regularly are better off, and therefore have access to a better standard of healthcare. Just adding a popular "healthy" food to our diet isn't going to move that needle much.
Superstitions about diet and health are essentially the same coping mechanism as my football superstitions. The idea that we could be struck down by a devastating or even fatal illness at any time is pretty scary. If we allowed ourselves to think about it too much, we'd live in a permanent state of anxiety. So we come up with ways to convince ourselves it won't happen, and one of the most convincing ways is to tell ourselves we're doing everything "right". It may not protect us, but at least it allows us to feel comfortable.
Any time there's an area of life that matters a lot and we don't have perfect control, superstitions start developing. Alison Green of the Ask A Manager workplace blog, regularly addresses questions about tiny details like what time of day you should submit your application, from readers who want to believe that there's an optimum time to apply. She also takes on bizarre advice from people who think they've uncovered a secret "cheat code", which often turns out to be something that will actively put off potential employers. It's not clear whether the people proposing these ideas have tried them, but there's obviously no shortage of people desperate to believe they've found something that will tip the odds in their favour.
Relationships also have that combination of high stakes and lack of control, and sure enough there are any number of superstitions. Women seeking men are offered all sorts of rules to follow or risk men losing all respect for them. Men are given another set of "cheat codes" that will allegedly convince the woman of their choice to date them. None of them work, because attraction is complicated and often capricious, but people who don't want to be single very much want to believe they have some power. Blaming yourself for deviating from the rules, or blaming women for being somehow faulty, are still more comfortable than admitting that whether you find love is largely up in the air.
I feel like my football superstitions have inoculated me in a way to some of these other superstitions. I might make a change to my diet or my approach to messaging potential partners, but I understand that I'm doing it just so I can tell myself I did all I could, not because it will reliably change the outcome.
Superstitions are a lot more dangerous when you don't recognise them as superstitions. People who think the "right" diet will infallibly protect them from disease or disability can be very cruel to those who are sick or disabled, telling them that if they had only eaten right, they wouldn't be suffering. People who believe you can find a job with enough "gumption" judge anyone who can't find work. And "incels", who have made blaming women for the failure of their dating superstitions their entire identity, have done untold damage in recent years.
Compared to that harm, walking a mile for a sandwich is positively benign. I can even laugh at how many things I do for superstition and how unlikely it is that they make a difference - although I will happily claim credit for important victories. Superstitions are part of who we are and how we handle what isn't within our control, so it's pointless to try to pretend we don't have any. Being aware of superstitious behaviour and not taking it too seriously is a much healthier way to go.