This email contains numbers talk (weight & dress size to provide context), medical talk, eating disorders and a little judgement tbh. I also hope it’s abundantly clear this is specifically about weight related changes. It’s time to unpack the narrative that weight loss is always good, weight gain is always bad and that weight change is a topic worthy of discussion in the first place.

Deep breath. Okay.

I honestly think it is a little violent to post a celebratory body weight loss transformation before and after.

I really really thought about this. On my own and in conversation with others (hi, sis!). Not even just what my actual-factual feelings are on the matter, but if I should even share them. So this is definitely and obviously my very personal take. It is formed exclusively from my own unique flavor combinations experiences and emotions. It is shaped by my logic and personal values.

If the transformation is about what can’t be seen (because it always is, amirite), why post the before and after? It immediately reduces the message to the physical manifestation, regardless of intent. It also happens to be actively harmful to the overall cultural perception and treatment of fat people. I know that sounds like a wild jump. But the inevitable value judgement follows: fatness easily can and should be changed; it is a major life and personality flaw that can simply be altered with a little minor inconvenience (obviously points will be knocked off your grade if you “took the easy way out”). Sometimes we get lucky and we are spared all doubt when a post serves up a lengthy, detailed, JUICY explanation with a side (by side) of fat-shaming the former self, with all the bells and dogwhistles. And it’s always the fucking blurry and gloomy cropped group photo of you in that one Ashley Stewart sharkbite hem tunic and leggings combo you knew wouldn’t age well vs. the modern iPhone solo shot of you holding a fresh marg on the rocks while standing by that cool mural down at the harbor in Aritzia’s-quiet luxury-finest.

If you want to talk about your transformation on Tuesdays or Thursdays or any day, please consider a pledge to …not. So many of my personal faves have lived in different bodies online and never directly addressed it because IT IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. At the very least, consider these alternatives (jokes, unless we’re …not joking):

if it’s about “health”? post your lab results or a spicy after visit summary.

if it’s about strength? post a video of yourself in action (please).

if it’s about personal style? post about what you did to develop it and some examples.

if it’s about a specific body part (for example a fat ass or a breast reduction)? post a reasonable and body neutral explanation of the change. focus on the facts of the experience OR JUST SAY NOTHING AT ALL NOTHING AT ALL NOTHING AT ALL

if people ask “how did you do it?” Tell them that it was Colonel Mustard in the library with the pipe.

and finally? don’t play in our faces like some people have.

I’m gonna try and do this while adhering to my own standards, as an example on what I’d like to know since y’all feel compelled to twist the collective arm share _{(it is wholly possible for your body to change in weight and not make a sound)}:

I’ve been a 331 lb. size 22 person. I have also been a 178 lb. size 10 person. Post-treatment, I currently weigh 225 and wear (on average) a size 12/14. I’ve had two bariatric surgeries, including a revision after the first malfunctioned failed. Late 2025, I had a medically necessary panniculectomy. Despite body dysmorphia’s best attempts, I can logically acknowledge that my body has changed, resulting in a changed experience and perception of the world around me (this includes access to things that the world routinely denies to larger fat people like clothing choices and top-tier medical treatment). I tolerated myself just fine at 331 and I tolerate myself just fine at 225. ^{I was too busy being sick with a feeding tube up my nose to decide if I liked the Earth 178 Ariel. Also, like is a really strong word (jk).} There are visible differences! Yes, the number on the scale and the size on the tag is different, but that’s the least interesting thing about my personal transformation. I lived a hair-raising tale, filled with death-defying feats of bravery, action-packed perseverance, heartwarming moments of joy, friendship and a little slapstick.

I think transparency, neutrality and respect for bodily autonomy are all key components to a worthwhile discourse. It’s not that the weight loss or body change is the problem. You do you, sis. But nothing is done in a vacuum; from weight loss (intentional) to a before and after video. It’s one thing to write a love letter or eulogy to the old self, but another to openly admit disdain for yourself and others that currently look like your before photo. (Bonus points if you directly contradict the tenets of body positivity that you were spouting to make a check.)

And bitch I could never.

Even though my own up and down self-esteem is documented on the Al-Gore-rythmn, I’ve never hated myself enough to put it up on the Summer Jam screen to live on in perpetuity.

I hope someone else will feel a little less alone after reading this. Because things feel pretty lonely right now.

If you have thoughts, feelings, questions, feedback, anything? Write me back. I’ll answer, I promise.

Enjoyed small butt, big frown #8? Tip me so I can buy newly released Lego Tulips.