June 12, 2025, 11:41 p.m.
the feeling of acceleration
quiet desires for a big leaps & introducing sharing space camp
kening's letters
dear friends,
I’ve been waking up and finding myself hesitantly wanting what you’re supposed to want, at this age — a wedding, a baby, a house.
the wanting feels quiet.
the fear of “not-ready” feels loud.
because I lived the last decade throwing myself into my inner and creative impulses (no matter how illegible to others), finally wanting what society tells me I’m supposed to want — the great commitments of a “settled” life — triggers massive spikes of panic in me.
some fearful part of me thinks that more responsibility will make me feel powerless and small; that becoming a mother will mean psychological and creative death; that I’m fine just continuing like this, messing around in my made-up playground, taking life one day at a time.
it becomes hard to unpeel the resistance from the desires, and then, to separate out the anxieties and the pressures.
do I really want a wedding, or do I feel obligated to participate in a social rite of passage? do I really want a baby, or am I feeling pressured by the ticking clock that is my body?
do I really have the courage to do everything differently — that is, deconstructing and radically re-imagining (what is even a wedding, a family, a childhood, an education) — when it’s much more than just my life that’s at stake?
I know that the answer is yes, it must be yes. if the process of radical reimagining is the life’s work I do on the internet, I’d be hypocritical to not apply it to real life.
making space for these desires is forcing me to confront all the places where I’m absolutely terrified. I can feel time accelerating, and that I’m being called to burst out of the cocoon (the cocoons never end, apparently), to shapeshift again, to take another liminal leap into the void — perhaps my greatest one, yet.
I don’t know the how. but, I’ve experienced this enough to know that the how is never the problem.
first, you decide to jump.
then the web of “how” will appear to catch you.
*
🚀 sharing space camp
a new course/adventure about the work of sharing your work on the internet wild — beyond all social platforms.
early bird registration ($70 off) will be until June 25
this class is a sequel to House on the Webs, but can be taken on its own.
I’m using the “Space Camp” as a conceptual framework / immersive metaphor for guiding you through this journey — with curiosity, community, and play.
we are cosmic travelers through the universe (the internet void), in a capsule ship (this course container), inhabiting new worlds (sharing your work).
by the end of our time together, I hope to help you transform your relationship to sharing yourself, and being seen — so that you can be the uninhibited, un-self-conscious cosmic creative force flowing into (and effortlessly with) the world.
~COURSE DETAILS~
the course will be running live, 4 weeks in July 2025, as a collaborative, interactive container we make together. the asychronous version will be released later this summer.
course format: weekly 2-hour sessions on Zoom, audio/visual/video course materials, guided missions, contemplation work, and weekly assignments.
the live course includes a tiny community WhatsApp & Notion course ecosystem, as well as individual support & feedback from me.
early bird is $330, normal registration will be $400 afterwards, available in two month installments.
to make sure I can give everyone individual attention and energy in this container, I’ll be keeping the participants spots limited.
I’ll be sharing so much more on this later~
early bird registration is open until june 25
aka, things I made in my last creative cycle
microbooks for interdimensional traveling
a new creative form/medium that has opened a whole new dimension in my brain
microbooks for interdimensional traveling — kening zhu
tactile portals for jumping through my creative multiverse
field notes on my creative system
brief observations on how my creative system works, circa april 2025
field notes on my creative system — kening zhu
an ongoing exploration of how my system works
the wheel of rest & non-binary of work & rest
a prototype analog tool I made to help me think about integrating rest into my life
the wheel of rest & the nonbinary of work and rest — kening zhu
rest as embodied deprogramming work
a sunday painted birdhouse
a sweet and easy dimensional creative container
sunday afternoon: painting a birdhouse — kening zhu
following a spontaneous creative urge
tiny circles as completion fuel
a trick I use to fool & free myself out of perfectionism & paralysis
tiny circles as completion fuel — kening zhu
my favorite process to generate creative momentum
advising at the precipice of change
reflections on how advising is an externalization of my inner transformative processes
advising at the precipice of change — kening zhu
the deep work of guiding transformations
the joy of missing out on platforms
the unexpected gifts of missing out on platforms
the joy of missing out on platforms — kening zhu
a vision of alternative possibilities for art & business, off-platform
build a labyrinth, not a funnel
my alternative digital business model to replace the sticky gravity of marketing funnels
build a labyrinth, not a funnel — kening zhu
a slow, nourishing alternative to traditional marketing
turning thirty on full moon
the memory of a luminous orb rising, in santorini
turning thirty on full moon — kening zhu
I watched the moon rise last night - the day I turned thirty - and it was beautifully serenditipous - it happened because I missed the 4:35pm bus
flower poem, from rice paddies
from 5 years ago, in rural Japan
flower poem 01 — kening zhu
a meditation on ephemerality
🌻 what’s inspiring / growing in me lately
I went to my first US tango marathon last weekend in 5 years, and remembered the years when tango represented all that was pulsing with blood, alive, and passionate in me. since then, I’ve transmuted this energy into my creative work, and a peaceful home life. unsatisfying tango (in Istanbul) was replaced by domestic bliss. but, this weekend, in recalling the intensity I used to feel about it — it reopened a new dimension in me, teeming with creative possibilities. I can feel the shape of a new web world coming.
I found a copy of Wuthering Heights at my parent’s house in NC (probably my brother’s?), and intend to read it slowly when I return to Istanbul.
I was briefly imagining the daunting task of wedding planning, I fantasied about starting a wedding planning business for deconstructed, poetic, tasteful, unconventional weddings — with full digital ecosystem (website, invites, digital experiences?) included. can a wedding be more than a templated, aesthetic, theatrical performance of public devotion and love? can it be both digital and physical culmination — a threshold that honors all that came before, and all that’s yet to come?
in this new section, I’ll be sharing the amazing, wonderland-like websites & work from the participants of my house on the webs course, my clients, and around my community!
~
Lexy Ho-Tai’s Web World — Everything is Made Up!
Lexy is an artist, educator, and goopey human based in New Orleans — who describes her practice as rooted in the question, “What does it mean to be human?”
I’m so in love with how Lexy created a digital home as an extension of her artistic world — with tactile, textural wonderland (literally a soft place to land!), inhabited by the imaginative, vibrant creatures and characters of her work, as well as the spiraling magic of her creativity in process. It feels simultaneously like being inside a private museum, inside the pages of her sketchbook/secret notebooks, and in her studio with her, watching her work through an idea on the page.
read Lexy’s reflection notes here
visit Lexy’s web world
these days, I’ve been traveling around the US and letting myself feel a bit distracted and floaty, soft and amorphous — even when the creative work I want to do feels so intensely demanding, and urgent.
teaching creative systems was a practice in learning to trust and live the elastic idiosyncrasies of my creative energy. it feels like learning to tune into the weather, and trust in the storms to carry me to where I want to go.
as I’m writing you now, I’m at my parents’ house in NC for the rest of this week. once I return to Istanbul, I’ll be preparing for running Sharing Space Camp, along with a dozen other things, which I’m excited to share with you, soon.
I don’t have all the details figured out yet, but I do have a clear sense that it’ll be wildly playful, fun, and a transformative process.
it feels like the course I need to teach right now.
I’d be very happy to see you there.
~~~
🪷
more soon. take care till then,
🍃 listen to my podcast: botanical studies of internet magic
🏔️ explore my courses: house on the webs | creative systems
🪷 inquire about advising sessions
🌔 visit otherworldly - a web alchemy studio
💧 send me a gift: water my world