this astronaut life
dear stranger-friend,
at the beginning of summer, I returned to istanbul after two weeks in new york, and wrote you a long letter about it -- the stark contrast between the two cities, how it felt to return to an old home, to see old friends, to remember past lives -- while starting a nebulous new one ... but that letter, somehow, disappeared before I could send it.
since then, I've sweated through the sauna of Istanbul summer (my least favorite season), painted my walls, hosted a childhood friend and her husband, experienced the city like a tourist, and continued to nest in my apartment, which feels like a different place each season.
then, a few weeks ago -- I adopted a dog, and my life changed overnight. I renamed her Luna. I will tell you the story in my next letter.
these months, I think I've been trying to understand what it means to "settle." life always seems to move too fast to digest properly, but my intention for the rest of the year is to speed up my creative metabolism.
today, I'm playing catch-up. I distilled my feeling-sensations of visiting new york city into a few animated metaphors, to share with you...
part 1: new york city <> istanbul
1 | new york city is a washing machine on spin cycle
what I remember most about being in new york is feeling... unclogged. perhaps this says more about istanbul than new york, or more about me -- but after feeling heavy all year, chuting through the matrix-machine of new york city was exactly what my psychic system needed to free itself.
that, and being with old friends who'd known me since I was eighteen. in new york, I could talk fast, walk fast -- in straight lines, right angles. tread mostly flat land. my body was fluent in the language of the city, and it felt comforting, to be spinning at high-speed.
2 | getting around new york city circuit board
those weeks, I started thinking about the city as machine, composed of systems and parts that work together to keep itself in perpetual motion -- each street corner a latticework of overlapping rituals. inside the grid, I felt myself being carried by momentum, as if there was electricity shooting through the pavement, propelling me onwards. it was my second return to new york since the pandemic began. shops have opened and closed, people have come and gone. but the machine itself -- in all its concrete indifference -- remains.
3 | getting around in istanbul traffic
perhaps it's in drawing new york that I can help you understand, then, how it feels to live in istanbul.
a year ago, during my first visit, nearly a year ago, I drew it as a city of hills and holes:
now, eight months into "settling," I'm sketching in more of the ecosystem -- how it feels to me: like a great, oceanic traffic jam -- albeit with overwhelming gravity.
below: I've charted the experience of catching a shared taxi (dolmuş) from my house to an "end" destination. this red dot is me.
4 | this astronaut life - the feeling of visiting an old home
the strangest thing about returning to an old home -- and reuniting with the people you love, in it -- is the experience of time. returning home, in some sense, feels like picking up the same book, touching the bookmark, and turning the page. I walk the same familiar streets -- as though it were my daily life. my friends lived a year or two of their new york city lives, but to me, it's as though I saw them yesterday. I felt like an astronaut: having circled the earth ten times, formed and dissolved multiple lives, and floated in outer space with my suitcase. what does it mean, to find my own ground? this has always been the question.
part 2 - other creations & inspirations
archives of summer | an audio postcard from naples, italy
two years ago, I spent a hot, sticky summer in naples, soaked in sugar and caffeine. I made a series of audio postcards / microfilms to capture those moments I lived. they didn't feel like much at the time, but perhaps this is the pleasure of letting the art we create (the life we digest) "ferment" in the closet. now I can hold it, cherish it.
("what is this place?) I am in this place, but sometimes I don't even know what a place is. a projection? a dream? an alternate level in a video game?...
a course I'm teaching | house on the webs | build your digital home in 7 days
building a website is really about making a vessel for your creative vision, and cultivating an internet practice that shares your work -- in a way that feels good.
this course is a gentle, 7 day content structure designed to make the process flow and feel effortless. I recently made this course individually-paced, which means you can start and finish whenever you want, but still get my 1:1 attention, accountability, & feedback <3
I'm also working on house on the webs school -- a collection of resources -- and sending a monthly newsletter about world-building, called guide.notes. sign up here.
inspiration log | things i enjoyed lately
watched: everything everywhere at once (film)
I loved this movie so much that I watched it twice -- once in new york, and once in istanbul. I'm not sure if I have ever seen a film that so captures the feeling of growing up asian-american, with the dynamics of that parent-child relationship, nor span so many genres all at once (martial arts, sci-fi, drama, comedy)-- with such ease, depth, and freshness.
watched: the curious life of benjamin button (film)
I was pleasantly surprised at how I enjoyed it. there is a lot of life and death, like nesting eggs, and something inherently satisfying about watching a person born and die. it made me look at my own life -- and its seasons -- with a bit of distance and perspective: to let everything have its own time.
read: 10 minutes 38 seconds in this strange world, by Elif Shafak (novel)
a novel, set in Istanbul, about a murdered sex worker recalling her life in the minutes after she dies -- and her friends, who come to retrieve her body. it's poetic, rich, and moderately heavy.
listened to: this jungian life (podcast)
three Jungian psychoanalysts having conversations about various topics -- I listened to the one on hansel and gretel, and the wave as archetype -- while running on the treadmill, and must admit that I enjoyed it more than workout music.
reading now: the other end of the leash - why we do what we do around dogs -- by patricia b. mcconnell
I just started reading this book about dog psychology and behavioral training, and it's been both engrossing, informative, and deep.
portal hours | connect with me in sychronous time
next friday, august 26, I'm organizing portal hours -- a hybrid office hours x tiny communal space -- where you can come and connect with me in real time, and with each other, for very small-group conversations on the creative life, its joys & woes, as well as troubleshoot challenges together. sign up here.
I’m also sending out a resources newsletter called guide.notes -- all about the "how" of the digital-creative path -- you can sign up here.
xx. until next time - on the dog days of summer
thank you for reading this long-belated letter!
next time I write, in two weeks (!) the letter will probably be about animals, containing drawings of animals, and how Luna walked into my life -- part-cloud, part-sheep, part-wolf -- and disrupted/transformed/changed everything.
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until then, wishing you
windy days full of
summer sweetness,
kening
P.S. I'm considering renting my istanbul apartment (2-bedroom, light and wind filled, minimalist, with a bosphorous view) from september 1-24 -- to someone who can care for my plants (!!!) and treat my home like their own. please write me if this might be you! here's a snapshot of my living room.
