loving an animal
dear stranger friends,
I write to you eating my last watermelon of the year, thrilled that Istanbul finally feels like fall -- which means that my brain is working again. summer is good for some things: fruit, cold desserts, iced drinks, thunderstorms, and swimming in bodies of water -- but each year, I'm relieved when it's over.
this September, we did an epic, summery thing: we drove 6,570 km on a roadtrip around Turkey -- from Istanbul down along the Aegean coast, to the Mediterrean sea, then along the Black Sea. it's not my first long roadtrip, nor my first tour of a foreign country by car, but it is my first time traveling with a dog.
here's a photo of me and Luna, near Izmir, at the first of many beaches on our journey. I dream of, one day, taking her to a snowy place.
if you adopt a cat, some things will change. there will be a furry thing waiting for you at home, a potential agent of chaos wandering around the house, asserting her will.
but if you adopt a dog, everything changes. a dog is like a child in that it cannot be left alone; in that you are never alone again, in quite the same way. it's an existential shift I'm adjusting to -- being a "dog person," which I never knew I was -- when a year ago, I was a "person with one bag," booking one way tickets last minute to wherever.
-
do the things you love tie you down, or set you free? I think the right word is "anchoring." movement will happen (because it must), but with a little more effort, and forethought.
-
in my next letter, I'll be writing you about this roadtrip around Turkey -- which I'm calling "Journey of the Three Seas" -- with a travelogue and, perhaps, a creative travel guide.
but this letter, as I promised last month, is mostly about Luna, who fell from the sky into my life, and disrupted everything.
I'm learning what it means to love an animal, to care for an animal, to share life with one. overnight, the world suddenly looks and feels different. I see pavement detrius, pee-stained trees, and grassy patches everywhere. I see the places she would love, the places she would hate, and the places she cannot go.
well, allow me to introduce you.
part I | the many faces of luna
01 | "what a beautiful dog," I said
one day, I sat down at a cafe next to a woman and a white dog.
"what a beautiful dog," I said.
two days later, the dog came home with me -- and stayed with me ever since.
I named her Luna, but that wasn't her original name. she was born in Beirut; likely purchased as a puppy. she's a samoyed, somewhere between 7-9 years old, and had two previous owners, who both left her for other countries. the woman I met at the cafe was a foster caretaker, who had found Luna through an Istanbul rescue community.
I named her Luna -- because she follows me around the house, like the moon, in every country, calm and constant, even in its different phases. I would take her to every country I move to.
I'm experimenting with creating a comic series about luna & me. here is page / day zero -- exactly what happened, only two months ago.
how did I know I wanted a white dog?
actually, I was looking for a black cat. but that's a story for another time...
02 | on being part sheep & part wolf
I was asking myself the question of: why do we train dogs to obey -- but not cats? cats can be agents of chaos, but dogs -- dogs can be scary, aggressive, and dangerous. people are afraid of dogs (I've seen the looks on their faces). dogs chase after things. they intimidate, and posture. they sniff everything, poop everywhere. they bark, and have sharp teeth.
"does she bite?" is the most common question I hear from strangers, which translates to: "I'm about to pet her, but just in case..."
at home, Luna is calm and quiet -- as long as you don't leave her alone. in some sweet moments, she looks like a sheep. I dream of letting Luna run with a flock of sheep through open pastures, or at least, to nap amongst them.
one key difference is: she has a prey/chase instinct. and when she gets excited -- by balls, or waves, or in reuniting after a few hours away -- she bark-howls, a few woo-woos. the first time she was home alone (for barely an hour), she cried long howls, like a lone wolf.
during the last week of our roadtrip, somewhere in the forested mountains in eastern Turkey, a man was walking with his pet sheep, and we crossed paths with him. here's a snapshot of their encounter; each creature, curious about the other's uncanny resemblance.
03 | on being part cloud, part balloon
istanbul is a city of stray dogs and cats -- but it's the birds that Luna is most interested in. for a creature who spends much of her time sniffing the ground, I'm startled by how much levitational energy she has, how engrained the instinct to chase things with wings: sparrows, pigeons, crows, seagulls, chickens. it feels like she could almost fly; like she could take me with her.
she has a gentle moon soul, but a wandering cloud energy. when she sleeps on her belly, maybe she dreams of the sky.
04 | I call her luna-balloona
I call her luna-balloona, because this is how I feel when I'm walking her outside. like I'm constantly attached to a fluffy, white balloon. if I let go of the string, this balloon will fly away fast, and will (eventually) return if I call her name, but this takes a bit of effort. my balloon has a strong will of her own.
she is a wanderer -- a dog historically bred by siberian nomads for reindeer herding. discovering and seeking out the things that make her excited makes me inexplicably happy -- car rides, open nature for running and sniffing off-leash, bright balls, chewing bones, yogurt, playing hide-and-go seek --
it is an unfamiliar flavor of happiness that I've not known; a pure, animal happiness that lasts for 5 minutes -- without complication, without analysis, without afterthought.
I never knew that loving an animal -- a dog, specifically -- would feel like this. I'm experiencing a feeling of loyalty without question; an attachment without anxiety (other than the anxiety of death).
sometimes, I wonder how she spent the first 7 or 9 years of her life, before me. what did her past homes look like? in what language was she spoken to? what did she eat? where did she sleep? by who and how was she loved?
to think that I hesitated to take her home because I had imagined myself adopting a puppy -- a blank slate, malleable, fifteen years, instead of, say, five -- instead of an older dog with past lives. I've lived past lives. now I can barely remember all the past lives before her.
part II | other creations & inspirations
Luna has taken up the majority of my headspace these last few months, but autumn is giving me an infusion of introspective, centering energy. autumn and winter, when things are dying and in hiberation -- is when I feel the most creative.
here's a few pieces of work from these past few months:
01 | an illustrated website for a psychiatrist
I illustrated and created this website for Yuliya, who recently opened her own child and adolescent psychiatry practice in greenwich village. we worked closely together over a month on this site, refining each illustration, tweaking each detail. I think this is one of my favorite websites I've built for a client, ever.
we began the process by looking at the standard psychiatry and psychotherapists' websites -- and choosing to do something totally different. rather than a digital listing of institutional affliations and accolades, we shifted the focus on the visitor beginning an inner journey -- the therapy process as discovering the glacier of the self.
the website welcomes you with a minimalist navigation, and a dreamy, soft ambience:
02 | one day walk through brooklyn | mini-travel guide for introverts
here's a little foldable zine I made outlining a one-day walk through Brooklyn that I made for a friend, Shen, who spent the summer in NYC, and, like me, is an introvert-homebody even while traveling.
this guide is my specific way of traveling; designed to be experienced in solitude. it's calm enough to do as a contemplative, be-with-yourself practice, but active enough to get you walking, and seeing a variety of places. it's also structured enough to feel full, and loose enough to allow for spontaneity & spaciousness.
the goal of this guide is to help introverts get out of the house, by doing calm things in the city, alone.
03 | a film poster for a short film: foreign uncle
I illustrated this film poster for Sining, who made a lovely short film about a relationship between a Chinese boy and an American visitor to Shanghai.
the film brought me back to China instantly, and has a natural, warm, poetic way of storytelling.
we wanted to create something childlike, flat, and whimsical - hence you see me drawing in a style I've never done before. the film has since won multiple awards at film festivals. congratulations, Sining!!
04 | from the archives | birds of my heart & animal presence (berlin, 2021)
two years ago, I spent nine months in Berlin -- including a 4 month long winter, where the sun rose around 8am and began setting around 3:30pm. I was in the middle of a terrible romance, far away from friends and family, and feeling generally unanchored. I made these birds to keep me company. they didn't move, but it was like I almost felt like they could. there was something soothing and uplifting about their presence.
05 | daily rituals for the psychic-creative immune system (guide)
this week, I wrote about the relationship between wellbeing & creative process -- and how to nurture a strong psychic-creative immune system through daily embodiment & creative practices. this is a part of my autumnal recentering.
(for more creative resources posts, sign up for my other newsletter, guide.notes.)
06 | inspiration log - things i enjoyed lately
watching: black mirror (tv series)
I think I avoided this TV show for a long time because one episode I watched years ago made me scared and uncomfortable. now, almost every episode makes me a little (or a lot) scared and uncomfortable, and I'm thoroughly embracing this. it's all-too-real, provokingly discomforting, tech-philosphical, and so brilliantly highlights our flawed humanness. most episodes have unsettling, unresolved, non feel-good endings, and I'm learning to appreciate this, as an acquired taste for reality.
watched: the truman show (1998)
I loved this movie because, in a movie about a falsified reality, the line between true and false, reality and deception -- isn't as straightforward as it seems. the supposed antagonist of this movie is likeable and sympathetic -- I might even argue, an inspiration-driven, visionary idealist. the protagonist/antagonist of this movie were the most "real" characters, and this makes you interrogate what "real" even means -- when the real world is full of lies.
listening to: be like water by lo wolf
I have an ongoing playlist called "water time," which I use in the shower. this song is soothing and settling for my watery scorpionic soul.
visited: the museum of innocence
last year, I started reading "the museum of innocence" by orhan pamuk, about an obsessive romance set in 1970s upper class istanbul. I just recently visited the museum with a friend. it's inspiring me to think more about the concept of the hybrid novel-museum form -- both containers for memories, evoked by ephemera objects.
the book and the museum were simultaneousy created -- but each could be experienced independently of the other. I'm inspired by this as a creative process.
07 | CINELOGUE | streaming films exclusively from the Global Majority
I met my friend Rehana in Berlin, two years ago, as she was in the middle of hatching an idea -- for a streaming platform that featured films beyond the western cannon -- as in, non-European, non-North-American films.
over dark Berlin days, we talked in depth about this idea, and I felt how powerful her ethos is: it cuts into the political and cultural impact of what cinema (and art, overall) can do in the world: giving people a voice, sharing perspectives, a portal into other worlds -- otherwise lost, diminished, and unheard.
Cinelogue's mission is: *"to build a library of films that center the works of BIPOC filmmakers from the Global Majority who use film as a political and artistic vehicle."*
this week, Cinelogue just launched a kickstarter campaign to help build a library of these films from the Global Majority. you can explore her project and become a founding supporter here!
part III - you & me, possibilities
this section of my newsletter is dedicated to the things we (me and you) could do together.
my intention for the year is to show up more in the world, in relationship to people, instead of hermiting under a rock and creating things for my own sake. here are just a few things to begin~~
01 | transforming your website together
I've found renewed enthusasiam and imagination for {what a website could be}.
I'm looking for people willing to reinvent, reimagine, and transform their digital spaces with me -- into a home that feels like a place you want to linger in, spend time in, slow down in -- invite people to, grow communities and ecosystems in, nurture "businesses" (ventures that make money) -- with soul. if that's you, send me a note!
02 | house on the webs challenge
on the other hand, if you'd rather be more hands-on in the process, here's a gentle-yet-rigorous 10 day sprint-course for building a website on your own, guided and structured by me, with two 1:1 coaching calls, and 7 days of content. explore more here.
you can explore free resources in the house on the webs school, or sign up for the monthly newsletter on creative practices & world-building here.
03 | "dear kening" | send me an ongoing question to respond to
this is an experiment. sometimes, I like writing notes to myself from future tense, from a wiser and older me -- about whatever I'm living through.
I'd like to open that dialogue with you. since, chances are, we've lived translations of similar things. if there are questions you'd like a reflection on, send it along here. I look forward to hearing from you!
.
.
.
.
xx. thank you for reading!
in my next letter, I will tell you, and show you -- in as vivid color as possible -- all about my voyage around Turkey, this ancient land of seas, ruins, and mountains.
thank you for reading. write me back anytime.
kening