guide.notes 15 | cyclical bodies
dear gentle friends of the void,
~this is guide.notes 15, a weekly letter on the labor of love of sustaining a rich creative life in the pixelated world~
this week I fell off a steep cliff (in terms of energy levels / motivation) -- and spent many mornings succumbing to the urge to close my curtains and take a nap, until mid-afternoon. here's how it felt:
end of the cycle mood (the zombie float)
a drawing of my body-mind at the end of the menstrual cycle, and wondering why I never paid more deliberate attention to this... (probably because having a period always felt like... a nuisance? an inconvienence??) in my highs, I try to forget about these lows.
even when I do rest, I can still feel myself fighting a programmed urge which whispers, "but why aren't you working / producing / making art / doing business-y things / writing long posts / doing something useful with your time?" turning the volume down on that voice took many, many years.
in order to loosen from my disciplinarian self, I have to consciously remind myself that:
- progress is never linear. insights/breakthroughs/opportunities can happen in cycles, like rainfall. the dry spells are just as important.
- time is relative and elastic. this helps me get out of time scarcity mindset - to believe that there's always enough time for what I need.
- work fills the container of time available - and the energy of urgency feeds my focus; which often explains why I intentionally procrastinate and work under time pressure.
- exhaustion ≠ habitualized inertia - exhaustion can be like the weather, habitualized inertia is a result of perfectionism/paralysis/overwhelm.
- process is the mother of all outcome -- embodying ALL parts of the process help me create outcomes with less effort.
- being kind to myself is always a good investment - in my art, in the business.
contact me: send me a ripple
last week I drew this for my "contact me" page - after thinking about the dreamy, surreal act of reaching out to someone on the internet... like touching a mirror-puddle in the fabric of digital reality. I've been procrastinating on doing a huge re-evolution of my website... this is me dipping a toe in.
inspiration log
- watching: film analysis videos by thomas flight on youtube. really thoughtful, beautiful video essays dissecting films and storytelling techniques in film. I also started listening to his podcast, the cinema of meaning -- the pleasure of listening to two film nerds dissect a movie.
- watching: mindhunter (TV series), produced by david fincher. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that psychological thriller / crime dramas are like candy to my mind, which always loves to untangle a good mystery.
- reading: the invisible life of addie larue by v.e. schwab I just started reading this - the paper edition, which I bought at the recommendation of a friend. it feels like a long sunday fantasy read.
wanted: a tiny house by the sea
I've been saying for some time now that I want a little house on an island. I drew this picture a few months ago - as a 15" morning brain dump.
artist-entrepreneur: systems & process flows
from last week, back when particular parts of my brain were a little more active. this is the nitty gritty "HOW" of doing all the things I wrote about in this post - the execution of being an artist entrepreneur
cyclical bodies
the ongoing question that's on my mind these days is this:
what would it be like to embrace cyclical rhythms -- and to inhabit our cyclical bodies?
first, deprogramming
I think it comes with first: deprogramming from the expectation that we produce X amount per Y time, like machines -- whether that output refers to paid work, entrepreneurial work, or creative work -- which may or may not be tied to money.
we would celebrate the ebbs and flows, rather than lament the dry spells -- or panic, or, worse -- judge ourselves for them. this is not to say that we don't tend the psychic earth; do the daily labor of love that any creative seed requires. but we don't expect things to grow everyday. we practice patience.
life itself is cyclical
connecting to cyclical rhythms is connecting to cyclical bodies -- how the body wants to live its seasons in time and space -- whether that body is an idea, a creative project, or our own human bodies.
when I think of cyclical bodies, I think of: the celestial bodies, the tides, all the living things that dwell in seasons. so? what makes us think we are the exceptions? the insistence on linearity and constancy feels like industrial age, capitalist human arrogance.
constancy makes us feel safe
perhaps it's because constancy makes us feel safe. cyclical rhythms and bodies are scary -- because what if the cycle ends? what if after winter, there is no spring? what if the dark night of the soul -- what if this drought -- it lasts forever?
(this is the same as being afraid of death) - rather than trusting in rebirth, or what comes after.
what if it's a better way?
I want to ask:
what if the way we've been taught to work all these years -- by school, by society, by employers -- isn't right for our cyclical bodies? (clearly it's not...)
what if, living in alignment with our cyclical bodies IS exactly what we need to step into greater flow, power, and possibility?
what if it is a way to meet our visions and dreams -- more efficiently and effortlessly?
I think it's more difficult -- it comes with needing to learn how to ride a wave to its full extremes, how to trust the silence, how to surrender, and how to wait.
it IS embracing change and motion, and nonlinearity, and fluidity. it takes a lot of deprogramming from old modes, deeply engrained ways of being. but I'm convinced that there is so much untapped power there -- in business, in art, in life. I will keep you posted on my explorations.
how are you feeling in your cyclical body?
click to let me know <3 .
that's all for this thursday night, my friends.
wishing you cool summer thunderstorms,
kening