daily practices
on walking, drawing, and practicing piano as movement and catharsis. Istanbul sublet. Money Juice Cleanse opens for sign-ups.
dear friends,
hello from january in north carolina.
the weeks and months have felt brutal, in the way that winter and unwanted change often does. since being forced to leave Istanbul, it feels as though all the elements of my life have been flung into the air, like a pocketful of dice, and stayed there, floating and suspended. I accept that it might take all year for them to land.
in late december, I made a 10 day calendar invite for myself called “rest, do nothing,” but nothingness felt like a black hole, so instead, I found myself activating a decade’s worth of rigorous, daily discipline for knowing how to walk forwards in hard times:
walking
every morning, before breakfast, I walk for an hour through the forest trails behind my parents’ house. I listen to Vikingur Olafsson play Bach on the way — feeling momentarily relieved by the sounds of precise, architectural geometric clarity — and then I walk in silence, letting my brain tire itself out with useless acrobatics.
at first, seeing people walking their dogs made me want to cry, because it made me remember my Luna — (who, otherwise, I feel compelled to pretend never existed). but then, I imagined that I, too, was taking out my dogs for a walk. they were the wild dogs of my psyche; the polar opposite of my Luna.
the two dark beasts of my mind run in viscious circles through the forest, a blur of phantom shadows, scaring away the deer and squirrels and red cardinals. I decided that they needed their daily walks, or they might eat me alive. by the time I come home, they have calmed down, and agree to walk by my side.
drawing
I continued my sketchbook practice — mostly drawing at night, after dark, with music. drawing at night often feels erotic — carrying the pleasure of making and keeping a secret.
I drew what I felt. those days, I was dark and anxious. it was as though I was swimming through chaos, flinging my magic wand around, afraid to open my eyes to assess the damage. (“was that the wrong spell?”) I was looking for my secret submarine, where it would be safe to disappear for a little while. I drew that.
“I wake up and feel something different everyday”
“when I drew how I feel, it makes me less afraid”
practicing piano
I returned to my childhood piano, and practiced 3-4 hours of piano everyday. I am continuing to work through this aspirational repertoire I created, 5 years ago, after 14 years of not touching a piano.
after my walk, after breakfast, I disappeared into the soothing monotony of scales and arpeggios. I clung onto the predictable comfort of process — and progress — confident that I could learn how to play a piece, any piece, if I follow the steps, like a map, or a recipe. right hand slow. left hand slow. together slow. at tempo. difficult passages slow. again. again. again.
eventually, my hands would learn, like obedient creatures, do its own thing — without my brain, or my eyes to oversee — which meant that I too, could disappear into the music, the resonance of sound, and feeling.
I realized that I am willing to put myself through boredom, reptition, and monotony if it means that I can channel deep emotion. playing piano as an adult feels far more pleasurable, joyful, and empowered than the forced obligation I endured as a child and teenager, playing to perform, or playing to win. as a child, I never learned how to process feelings. but as an adult, I will work very hard for catharsis.
currently, I’m working on this Bach prelude. I am in love with its relentless urgency to find the answer.
a menu of practices
here is a practice menu I made, when I first arrived, and decided that I was incapable of doing nothing. the more I return to a practice, the more I color it in. there is no specific order, to-do list, or requirements. I trust that I will be drawn to the right practice, at the right time.
after two weeks of this, I’m feeling re-centered, again, if on a different axis. from this new center, I still have long shadows and strange dreams — of turkish prisons, milongas, and pregnancy — but the texture of the walls have changed.
I am playing complicated Chinese card games with my parents and their friends, and losing poorly. I am resuming my podcast with a 3-part mini-series. I am getting ready to teach and create for my ecosystem again, starting with Money Juice Cleanse.
I feel stronger, and more solid — trusting in the certainty that no feelings last forever, and however long this period of suspension lasts, and whatever this year brings me — I will be ready for it all.
*
**
***
I won’t lie, this listing was painful for me to write, but if you or anyone knows of traveler interested in living in Istanbul, you could slip into my world, for a while…
Cozy, sunny, super-central Istanbul sublet with bosphorus views & sweet dog
I’m looking for a respectful traveler to sublet my cherished room + spacious, super-central apartment — you’ll be sharing the space with my partner and dog, for flexible stays of a few weeks to 3 months. It’s a 5th floor walkup, 1 min from Beşiktaş Square, 2 min to public transit and 7 min to ferry. Availability is between January and mid April, with pending availability in summer and fall. Rent is 900 USD/month or 225/week, all utilities inclusive. Details here.
Upcoming Teaching (revised dates)
I’ve decided to move all my dates for upcoming offerings and courses, as my brain took its time to come back from the forest.
🧃 Money Juice Cleanse (Jan 26 - Feb 4, 2026)
🦋 Labyrinth Library (Feb 16 - May 16, 2026)
🧧 Digital Abundance (starts March 9, 2026)
🧃 Money Juice Cleanse is open for registration
Money Juice Cleanse is my 7 day offering for doing deep, foundational money work — as a set of playful and nourishing creative practices.
live session: Monday Jan 26 - Wednesday Feb 4
what if money work is a creative, emotional, and spiritual practice?
what if we treated our relationship with money with the same attention and care — as our relationship with creative energy, or art-making?
what if money felt like a dear companion, and not an enemy?
what if we discover that money is also really about love?
Money Juice Cleanse is an ongoing practice for taking a topic as complex, hard, and heavy as money — and distilling it into easeful, digestible practices.
each day of the juice cleanse contains a concoction of
inner inquiry (emotional/psychological/spiritual)
creative practices (prompts, processes, experiments)
practical tools (templates, structures, systems)
I’ve designed this program to be fully modular and infinitely repeatable. we’ll move through all 7 days together — with community support & two live zoom session.
explore the working syllabus here
Labyrinth Library, Season 2
Labyrinth is my 12 week seasonal community container + ongoing teaching vessel; where I facilitate a group of creative wanderers devoted to navigating the pathless path — one question, practice, and process at a time.
season two: Feb 16 - May 16, 2026
registration opens later this month
it is a place where we show up not knowing — and support each other in living into the questions, together — with workshops, weekly discussion sessions, artifact teachings, creative trek challenges, and community sharing. explore more here.
🧧 Digital Abundance
Digital Abundance is the business course I’ve been preparing my whole life to teach. it’s a 12 week journey in which I’ll take you from imagining, planning, creating, sharing, and releasing a paid offering — and build sustainable systems, processes, and infrastructures for your business ecosystem.
course begins: March 9, 2026
registration opens later this month
it is about reimagining what business looks like — from the generative perspective, ethos, and powers of an artist. we’ll explore how to build a business that works for idiosyncrasies, and how to use your creative energy as your greatest resource — your inner abundance — to bring more abundance into your life.
🌑 Recent Creations
make the work, share the work
to begin the new year, I’m creating a 3 part mini-series with grounding anchors; minimalist instructions for navigating the uncertainties of the creative life.
when in doubt, or overwhelmed, or stuck in overthinking, all you need to focus on is this — make the work, share the work. this is the equivalent of (in meditation), returning to the body and the breath.
make the work, share the work — kening zhu
a creative anchor to return to, again & again
a documentation of my step by step process for imagining and making Money Juice Cleanse — as an example of how I relate to building paid offerings with the ethos of a joyful, pleasureful creative project.
making money juice cleanse — kening zhu
a documentation of my creative process
visioning cathedrals, capricorn II
on the romance of building grand visions, one mundane thing at a time.
visioning cathedrals, capricorn ii — kening zhu
the romance of building grand visions
🔮 Curations from the Archives
on daily practices & reminders to move through uncertain passages
~
daily rituals for the creative psychic immune system (2022)
daily practices to remind me of who I am when I feel too poreous
daily rituals for the psychic-creative immune system — kening zhu
how to cultivate an embodied sense of the creative self — through a framework of daily body and creative rituals
no feeling is final (2020)
one of my favorite quotes from Rilke
no feeling is final — kening zhu
thank god, or I wouldn’t know how to live with myself. thank god for rilke for having ever existed, and also thanks to my very brief emotional memory. I really don’t remember how I felt about something that happened days, weeks, or months ago, all the feelings blur together. (though the same feeling
sometimes you must walk for days (2020)
I did this walking thing before
sometimes you must walk for days — kening zhu
just to see the sun
find one thing that feels good (2020)
…and do it everyday
find one thing that feels good — kening zhu
finding momentum in anything
🌊 Notes & Misc.
savoring: I just experienced a most potent tarot reading with shea in the catskills, an artist, facilitator, tarotist who I met through the first season of Labyrinth. shea has the power of offering piercing insight, while guiding me to walk into the blurry shadows of my own knowing — with their unwavering fearlessness, curiosity, and deep reverance to spiritual source. the reading felt like a mysterious, infinite feast — rich with pleasure and possibility, and yet, tangible, practical, and workable. I’ll cherish it like a constellation map for my year. explore shea’s readings here.
learning: spanish, very slowly (as in I’ve barely started but I’m thinking about it every other day) using this free, independent language project, language transfer, which I discovered many years ago during my language obsessions, but never completed.
watching: the closer because there is nothing like murder mysteries and police procedurals to make both the interrogators and criminals in my head calm the f down.
listening on repeat: we are here but to make music and dance with all the obtaining forces by joep beving. I attended his concert in NYC one year and remember getting very sleepy-dreamy, which was magical. I went up to him while he smoked a cigarette and was fan-struck and speechless. I don’t remember what I said but I do remember wondering if he was 7 feet tall.
reading: alphabetical diaries by sheila heti, borrowed from the local public library, and feel so very soothed and seen in that I am not the only person who feels things hard, asks ridiculous dramatic existential questions and who swims daily in their own neurosis.
.
.
.
yesterday, my mother found a caterpillar eating its way through her plant. we debated about letting it into the wild (live or die, nature’s will), and instead, like a child, I put it in a temporary bowl of a little home, gave it some leaf-food, with the hopes that one day, I’ll see it become a cocoon, and in the next season of my/its life, I’ll release it as a butterfly.
I’ll write you again soon.
🐛 kening
.
.
.
🍃 podcast: botanical studies of internet magic
❄️ join the winter season of labyrinth library
🏔️ explore my courses: house on the webs | creative systems | sharing space camp | money juice cleanse | digital abundance
🪷 advising with me: liminal leap, and intensive sessions
🌔 otherworldly: a web alchemy studio
💧 send me a gift: water my world
You just read issue #69 of kening's letters. You can also browse the full archives of this newsletter.