🗺️ 36 | survival mode + energy studies
dear wildfire friends,
I've decided to write and send you this letter on Friday mornings. that way, it feels like a soft exhale, like sharing a leisurely cup of coffee with a familiar friend, or like laying out the fruits of my garden & forest forgaging on the table... rather than something I stress out about on Thursday nights, at 11pm.
(b/c: I'm a classic adreneline-fueled, forgetful procrastinator type. ask me how long I've had a newsletter list, and ghosted my readers for months. or years. 🙈*)*
🍓 this week: I unpacked my years of survival-mode creative hustle, started a new series on energy studies (aka, on working with raw life force), made drawings for my work with me page, and digested inspirations: on the illusion of platform marketing, and anxiety, comedy, and embodied acting.
~~~
🎙️ how do i survive as a creative & not hate myself?
untangling my years of following all the shoulds for marketing yourself as a creative person, in which I tortured myself with the question above.
I explore:
the trailmarked paths of success — for writers, visual artists, and business owners
why it made me really miserable
what my guiding compass was, instead. (the answer is: process)
Listen on Spotify
Listen on Apple Podcasts
how do I survive as a creative and not hate myself? — kening zhu
digesting the years of torturing myself with this question
💡 guides: energy studies: a new series
I've both struggled a lot with energy -- AND felt the magnetic, life-changing, world-building power of my psychic energy. in this series, I start to unpack what I mean by committing to energy as a deliberate practice, personal experimentation, & inquiry.
energy studies: an ongoing practice — kening zhu
inquiries into psychic energy as a deliberate practice
🪷 work with me drawings
wow, I can't tell you how long these drawings have been stuck in me, as I've been thinking about my work with me page (which has no text, as of right now).
more fundamentally, I've been thinking about how I want to reimagine my service-based work. this marinating took me many months, but I've finally made some decisions. more soon.
each image is a metaphor for how I see my role in each relationship.
🧠 inspiration digestions
I'm urgently wanting to watch Poor Things, but in the meantime, I listened to this fresh air interview and felt SO inspired -- especially by Emma Stone's response on the difference between anxiety + intuition.
anxiety & comedy: emma stone and mark ruffalo - fresh air podcast — kening zhu
inspired questions on anxiety, channeling, and embodiment
I've been following Tara McMullin's work for a few months. her writing is so thoughtful, analytical, nuanced, sobering in the most nourishing way. I received this essay about how social media platforms are blue pills (as in, an illusion of the Matrix), and felt so stimulated by it that I wrote her a long email response; a selection of which I share here:
the red pill, blue pill of platform marketing - tara mcmullin — kening zhu
the lie and alternative to platforms
🕰️ time capsule: to & from my past self
6 years ago: 365 days of moon journaling
a painting project I did after ending a 5 year relationship.
365 days of moon journaling — kening zhu
It's been one year since I started painting a circle a day to document how I feel. Here are seven things I've learned from painting 365 moons.
4 years ago: thank you, obsessive mind
find the place of “obsession” without the overthinking “mind”
thank you obsessive mind — kening zhu
finding power in an obsessive mind
2 years ago: dear kening, how do you center real work?
a question from a dear creative friend & a magical writing guide, Laura Ellen Joyce.
dear kening, how do you center real work? — kening zhu
Q&A: on prioritizing real work vs. money-making work
📝 notes (what's rolling around my head)
make art in the void: aka, my strategy for the last 4 years. i'll be writing about this very soon.
time cards: this week I started making time cards as a part of my immersion deck. I'm feeling into my relationship with minutes. like: 55 minutes, 75 minutes, 90 minutes -- all of these containers have different energies. they're like varieties of birds.
obscurus artist child: for most of the last week, it was painful to look at anything, because I had the worst eyelid swelling (stye) of my life. I'm convinced it was an embodied version of my obscurial artist child. before you think I'm absolutely crazy, hear me out. next week.
creative force as bomb vs. deluge: I can feel that sometimes, it really wants to rain inside of me. other times (like these days), I want to explode, like a bomb. it's violent and chaotic. (I guess, in part because of my Aries moon). I'm thinking about how I can relate to my creative force as water vs. explosive fire. or both.
🍄 inspiration log
listened to: this off-the-grid episode by my old friend Amelia: how to show up as your full self in business & life with samara bay
listening to: permission to speak by samara bay. 100% recommend listening to this book - she speaks with such emotion, I get chills.
looking at: this artist website by derek zhang. I'm especially into the horrifying "about" page illustration. he seems like a funny chinese guy I might've known as a child.
re-reading: ecstatic flailing: advice from illustrator keri smith in 2012, which, in 2016, inspired my 24 year old self to write this advice for creatives post.
listening to: this beautiful, luscious, soulful cover of "feeling good" by dominique fils aimé.
💌 ask me / tell me anything
write me a reply, or send me a note via this minimalist form.
🎬 open question | send me a film recommendation?
despite really wanting to read more, I find myself craving films. and maybe, writing about it.
did you watch anything you really enjoyed recently?
I'd love to hear.
...
thank you for reading.
wishing you an indulgently restful weekend,
🪼kening
🫘 PS. seeds, urges, random
if I haven't responded to your email yet, please don't be annoyed with me! I'm slowly cobbling together an admin ritual that will fix this, and your email is most definitely coming in the next week or two (otherwise... um... I totally didn't get it. so sorry. write me again?)
the urge to start a limited series podcast to talk about the most transformative books of my life (ie: women who ran with the wolves by clarissa pinkola estés)
"hometown blues postcards" - animated, digital postcards from my hometown, in shades of blue. I'll be visiting in about a month. I feel pretty high anxiety about it.
"foreigner everywhere" - illustrations/comic series to describe feeling like an outsider, literally everywhere i go.
in my early AM hours, a magical portal opens. it closes around noon, and opens again at night. what about you?
🪷 this is guide.notes 36, a weekly letter on nourishing an embodied creative life in psychic, digital, and material worlds.