🗺️ 35 | asymptotes, webs, & cards
dear kindred spirits,
I'm not sure about you, but this week felt like a series of nose dives (hence this late letter). I found myself running towards deadlines, and then crashing afterwards -- with long lists of stuff I still didn't do, haunting me.
I'm trying to figure out how to not over micro-manage my day, how to have a softer relationship with time, and what giving my 100% could look like... without making me tired.
this week: I shared the story of what made me quit my jobs, project management systems that protest the linearity of the to-do list (aka, this immersion card deck), and a web of life that helps me remember to get out of my own head. then: some inspirations by neopets, the sims, and video game history.
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🎙️ episode 3: this is a one way road
I'm continuing with sharing chapter 2 of my journey -- a very personal account of how and why I quit all my jobs at age 25, and never looked back, with the extreme feelings that accompanied it, including:
the feeling of wasting my life
the lack of energetic reciprocity
infinite earning potential
a desire to give my 100% to what was truly mine.
Listen on Spotify
Listen on Apple Podcasts
this is a one way road — kening zhu
on quitting all my jobs and never looking back
this week's episode felt slightly less heavy than the previous one, but right after posting it my eyelid spontaneously swelled up while I was eating a bowl of midnight ramen. (the last time this happened was at my job). even right now, I kinda feel like Mad-Eyed Moody.
I'm counting the number of episodes I have left until the story of "my journey" is done (3, I think), and I can talk about more abstract things like ideas, processes, and philosophies -- rather than dumping out a decade of intense feelings on the internet.
you can read it as an essay, or listen to it via podcast.
next week's episode will be about years of chasing the creative hustle, and how, eventually, I quit that, too.
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👁️ guides: mapping all the nodes
how I work: finding creative focus and organization
I've tried every project management system there is (digital/analog) and finally accepted the fact that to-do lists, databases, or kaban boards just don't work for me. this is the only system I haven't abandoned -- and keep coming back to. I explain why here:
my creative immersion deck: how I organize creative energy — kening zhu
a tactile system to help me travel through creative wormholes
mapping a web of life on two axis
the "wheel of life" model also doesn't really work for me. so I made this compass/map/web diagram, and charted all of my "nodes" onto two axes -- WORLD vs. INNER LIFE, and MATERIAL vs. IMMATERIAL. this is so that when I'm feeling too... "in my head" (bottom left quadrant, where I spend most of my time), I know exactly what I need more of.
the web of life: inner, world, material, immaterial — kening zhu
against the idea of balance. my alternative to the wheel of life.
in my January letters, I sent weekly snapshots of my colorable to-do project cards. I've quit this experiment (which was also resistance against the linearity of a to-do list). I reflect a bit on it, here:
work experiments: colorable to-do cards — kening zhu
a visual tracking map of weekly projects
📓 public diaries
tarot work diary no. 6 (this week)
I wrote this a few hours ago, and interpreted this as a message about stress cycles, work imbalance, and the feeling of time scarcity.
tarot work diary no. 6 | four of pentacles, four of swords, five of swords — kening zhu
escaping the grid lock of stress cycles
tarot work diary no. 5 (last week)
last week's pull points me towards investing in my magic shop (giving multiples of something), total immersion in my craft, and providing space for community.
tarot diary no. 5 | six of cups, eight of pentacles, five of pentacles — kening zhu
on sharing playful creative bounty, immersion in craft, and offering refuge for the pathless journey
🕰️ time capsule: to & from my past self
6.5 years ago: committing to risks
a diary of a few months after I made the leap from my last job.
committing to risks — kening zhu
a trip to the berkshires, meditations on commitment: how commitment is taking on the risk that it could all fail
4 years ago: 12 experiments in digital freedom
a list of experiments to play with, hypothetically. thank you jane for writing and reminding me about this, and this practice of daily digital solitude. <3
12 experiments in digital freedom — kening zhu
practices for digital minimalism
2 years ago: oceanic traffic jams
i'm feeling a variation of this right now.
oceanic traffic jam in my head — kening zhu
the feeling of psychic constipation
📝 notes (what's rolling around my head)
1 | energy studies: I feel the urge to start a new series deep diving into energy, because that's what everything else comes down to: managing time, projects, clients, offerings. my decisions to share my work via my website world & world-building -- is the answer to the question: what kind of work gives me energy? work is a manifestation of creative energy. money is energy. energy is everything.
2 | artist economics: after that, if I don't get distracted by something else, I'll write about artist economics. this is a topic fermenting for a REALLY long time as I've been slowly simmering on the relationship between art + money, and how we (as artists) can cultivate a more empowered relationship with money.
3 | admin / email rituals: I really, really need one. I barely do anything unless it's a practice/ritual, hence why I ignore admin tasks until they all balloon up and my head is full of traffic jams, like the one pictured above.
🌕 inspiration log
watched: charlie brooker's how video games changed the world -- while making dumplings last saturday and felt so inspired by it. I definitely see game creation in my future.
watched: this girl talk about Neopets + The Sims (both games that I was really obsessed with as a child/teenager). she gave the link to the above video. I know that I'll be mining this for creative juice, soon.
starting watching: the marvel film series after YEARS of resisting this, I finally acquiesced to my partner and I'm actually really enjoying it. it's gotten me started in thinking about the superhero as a trope.
attended: my partner's friend put on a 3 person theatre show about love & war, called "waiting for romeo," (translated from english to turkish) -- whose only digital footprint I found on the playwright's website here. it made me crave more theatre.
attended: a live concert by Cem Adrian in a performance hall right across my apartment. I never say this, but damn, his stage presence was super sexy.
💌 ask me / tell me anything
write me a reply, or send me a note via this minimalist form.
❓ open question | what is your 100%, in this moment?
the idea of "giving my 100%" is something that pushed me to quit my jobs all those years ago, and pursue new places in my art & business life.
(give 100% of what, you ask? creative energy. self. presence. skills. power.)
I've always known that it was a fluid 100%, but now I'm thinking about how it actually feels like a vertical asymptote -- a vertical line tending towards infinity. it reminds me of what I wrote about in a previous letter: growth as radial, not linear.
100%, then, is always a function of time -- the present moment -- AND, the best we can hope for is a line tending towards infinity.
so, what does your 100% look like, feel like -- right now? today. this hour. this moment?
what would it be like to carry this question, moment by moment?
❤️ wishing you a good weekend,
thank you for reading!
kening
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🌱 PS. idea-seeds & urges
a potion for creative clarity - maybe this will be an item in my magic shop. I'm inspired by neopets here, and how much fun I had just buying a flask of water.
send me a gift - donations as a way for my visitors to interact with digital art-objects.
very overdue babies: website evolutions + a work with me page.
i eat my way home - some inklings of an illustration project about chinese food to keep me sane when i visit my hometown in a month.
🪷 this is guide.notes 35, a weekly letter on nourishing an embodied creative life in psychic, digital, and material worlds.