Solstice
My favorite part of summer is the long days, the light stretching past dinner and leaking into evening, late. Every year I mean to have a solstice party, to celebrate this long day and the summer, still full and fresh ahead of us.
I was hoping this would be the year for the solstice party I’d always dreamed of but as I watched the days in the hospital pile up, as I spent Memorial Day hooked up to blood thinners, I knew my plan for a party would never come to fruition.
Still tonight I planned to have a couple of girlfriends over for a drink. I’m tired but I thought I could manage a night out of bed, provided I could still wear my basketball shorts. The solstice is tomorrow, but it’s going to rain & the sun won’t be there threatening never to set. But I woke up this morning, swollen and in severe pain. My legs felt like they’d been filled with cement. I had cried most of the night before and my eyes were red and puffy. I cancelled our porch hang and resigned to spend the night in bed, watching my beloved and dominant New York Yankees take on the Tampa Bay Rays.
But as I walked Pete at 5pm after my newly increased night dose of Methadone, I realized my pain was no longer intrusive. I walked further than I planned.
I got home and I decided to bring Petey to the dog beach to watch the sunset. Tonight, the night before the solstice, had an 8:30pm retreat.
I put on my audiobook and hit Do Not Disturb mode on my phone so I’d have no reason to look at my messages. I watched Pete make friends and chase strange dogs with their intoxicating smell. I met a doctor in hospital green scrubs who wished me luck “on my journey.” I took photos but did not check messages or post Instagram stories. I listened to the end of my book & put on Yankees radio.
I luxuriated in the warm but not hot weather, and I lifted my face to the waning sun, and I took the deep breath I’ve been holding in since I was discharged.
Happy Solstice, friends. Wishing you all a wonderful summer.