It’s Salmagundi Sunday, where I share the “best of the rest”—great links that didn’t make the cut for last week’s newsletters…and a few pithy quotes (today: a break from our usual high-falutingness to share some of a comedy icon’s best one-liners). Back to regular programming tomorrow!

LINKS

• A Guide to the Wrath of God (or How to Get the Death Penalty in Various Religious Texts).

• Is creativity the new cult? (and if so, how do we get the death penalty in it?)

• The Joan Rivers Joke Archive.

• Six reviews of non-existent New York Art Shows that are not on display this week.

• Do Comics Matter? a one-page comic in which the comic could be…anything.

• In BrainPickings, My Ideal Bookshelf: Famous Artists and Writers Select Their All-Time Favorite Books.

• From Listverse, 10 each of: Wildly Eccentric Characters From Victorian England, Impressive Acts Of Creative Revenge Against Authority Figures, Devastating Author-To-Author Insults and Unmentionable Facts About Underwear

• “Wait, Your Footnotes Are in Cyberspace?”. The wheels of publishing turn exceedingly slow…

• “Understanding and Appreciating Classical Music with Ron Jeremy” is now available on iTunes!

• 44 Medieval Beasts That Cannot Even Handle It Right Now.

• All The Cakes You Can Make With Just A Box Of Cake Mix And A Bottle Of Soda.

• All the kinds of comments you’ll find on recipe blogs.

• ► Parks and Recreation — April’s All-Time Insults for Ann (Supercut)

Commonplaces: Joan Rivers

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”

“I saw my first porno film recently. It was a Jewish porno film — one minute of sex and nine minutes of guilt.”

“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

“My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.”

“I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to Ripley’s Believe It or Not: they sent it back and said, ‘We don’t believe it.’”

“You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it.”

“I don’t think I’m good in bed; my husband never said anything, but after we made love he’d take a piece of chalk and outline my body.”

“Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?”

“I said to my mother-in-law, ‘My house is your house.’ She said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’”

“Is she fat? … Her favorite food is seconds.”

“Had a friend who is going through menopause come by for lunch today. Her hot flash was so bad, it steam-cleaned my carpet.”

“Why women don’t blink during foreplay…not enough time.”

“Everybody talks about multiple orgasm. Multiple orgasm — I’m lucky if both sides of my toaster pop.”

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she’s a tramp.”

“The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I’ve been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.”

“At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!”

I said to my husband, ‘my boobs have gone, my stomach’s gone, say something nice about my legs.’ He said, ‘Blue goes with everything.’"

“I was born in 1962…the room next to me was 1963.”

“I now consider it a good day when I don’t step on my boobs.”

“I look so bad in a bathing suit I kick sand in my own face.”

“I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.”

“At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.”

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