thank you notes (moe)(3)

i'm thankful for going out to a buffet on the other side of town with my colleagues yesterday. i'm thankful there was a lot of laughter and it felt warm and easy. i'm thankful to have some temporary relief from the hard weeks we've all had. i'm thankful to forget for three hours that our Pseudomonas is not growing and we can't figure out why. i'm thankful to have told them about my buffet strategy- eating only meat to make it to dessert. i'm thankful no one did that. i'm thankful to have watched with glee as they all copped out of dessert. i'm thankful my ibs is flaring up today. i'm thankful to admit that maybe my strategy doesn't work. i'm thankful to decide to keep away from buffets now. i'm thankful for the nervous undercurrent throughout dinner because we were all waiting for our boss to send edited copies of our abstracts to us so we could hand them in before deadline. i'm thankful for how we all forgot that tube service had been suspended from the station we were travelling from. i'm thankful for how this meant we all had to travel home together. i'm thankful for how on the way we all started getting our abstracts back in 5-minute intervals. i'm thankful for how we compared the comments we received. i'm thankful it was done in a fun way and there was no competition. i'm thankful the deadline was extended. i'm thankful to work with such warm people

i'm thankful for all the studies i have to participate in because my colleagues run them and need results for their research. i'm thankful my love for surveys and questionnaires make this fun. i'm thankful the latest one was an examination of the attitudes of black/african women to food. i'm thankful i was particularly interested in this one because there are not enough studies done on this demographic. i'm thankful for how when they asked me to detail all the food i'd had in the last 24 hours i said 'today is the worst day you could have asked that question'. i'm thankful to make them laugh. i'm thankful to realise, to my relief that i actually did not eat that much. i'm thankful to give blood to this study today. i'm thankful for how i always think about vampires when i have to give blood. i'm thankful to remember how when i used to donate blood frequently, i would get a biscuit and malt drink for donating. i'm thankful to remember once on nysc camp how a lot of us gave blood to escape afternoon drills. i'm thankful one of the parts of the study is a physical work up. i'm thankful i verbalised to my colleague that i did not want to see my results. i'm thankful she was gentle while taking my blood sample. i'm thankful for how, after running the test, she told me everything was okay. i'm thankful to remember this essay from warsan shire about shame and bodies and food. i'm thankful this particular excerpt from it that made me cry a lot:

"essentially, if our secrets are secrets because we are told to be ashamed, then we must share them.  there is no shame in being sad or struggling or trying to heal. we are all desperate, depraved and sacred. we are all terrible and brillIant. i can list all the things that can make a girl want to escape her own body (re: patriarchy). but i’d rather list all the things that make me want to stay in my body, and adorn it like a home, rub oils into my skin, tell it how sorry i am for trying to leave, for trying to hurt it into submission."

i'm thankful for how much it reminded me of me.

i'm thankful to think that my participating in this study will somehow influence policy or education around food. i'm thankful to remember that it takes ages for research to actually be acted upon, if it ever will be. i'm thankful to always think about this when i work in the lab. i'm thankful i remind myself i'm doing useful work and even if it doesn't translate, at least it's recorded in literature and someone can avoid it or continue it depending on the results. 

i'm thankful to have finally done the strengths finder test i've been wanting to do for a long time. i'm thankful the results were interesting, as they always are. i'm thankful my top three strengths indicated that i'm a reader and gatherer of information. i'm thankful for all the pointless things i read. i'm thankful for how good this makes me at trivia. i'm thankful to remember, once how my friend s said that one of the reasons she loves me is because i send her the best articles. i'm thankful t who i don't talk to often sent me a link to an article about depression and anxiety. i'm thankful for how she said she was worried about how i'd feel about it. i'm thankful to have allayed her nervousness and to have said she's very welcome to send me more. i'm thankful for how every morning o and i send each other youtube links to music we are enjoying. i'm thankful for how warm it makes me feel. i'm thankful how very simple things make me happy now. i'm thankful to be happy. i'm thankful to cringe at how many articles i have stored in pocket. i'm thankful to think about how my collection of books keeps encroaching on my personal space in my room. i'm thankful for the look the librarian gave me when i went to pick up the books i had requested yesterday. i'm thankful because almost all the librarians know me because i check out a lot of books. i'm thankful for how much money i've saved by joining the library. 

i'm thankful to be listening to this nigerian church's praise and worship session on youtube. i'm thankful to listen to different ones every day. i'm thankful for my mum. i'm thankful for how she sends dvds of them to me. i'm thankful she keeps sending them even though she knows i can watch them on youtube. i'm thankful she keeps sending them because even though i don't subscribe to that kind of religion anymore, they make me happy. i'm thankful to remember a time when i did subscribe to that kind of religion. i'm thankful for the comfort and stability it provided at the time. i'm thankful to have moved on when it stopped serving me in that way. i'm thankful to think that maybe these songs remind me of those feelings. i'm thankful for nostalgia. i'm thankful for the one or two moments when i miss home. i'm thankful for the conversation i had with o the other day about how when i miss home i want to make food from home and the lengths i would go to find some of the food i want.  i'm thankful to ponder on the idea of home and think maybe i don't have a permanent one. i'm thankful to be visiting home this summer. i'm thankful to try to create home where i am. 

- moe (9/6/16). (lab c7.01 london)

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