thank you notes (L)(2)

I'm thankful for rain. I'm thankful that it's been hot for a long time and the rain is a reprieve from that kind of weather. I'm thankful that I slipped on the walk to my car but was swiftly caught by my partner (I'm thankful for how slippery rain makes things). I'm thankful for how I move about like I'm always in a hurry, because I kind of always am.

I'm thankful for exercise and my changing relationship with it. I'm thankful for how, during my adolescence, it was something I truly dreaded and feared and I'm thankful that now I wake up extremely early for the sole purpose of driving to the gym and exercising. I'm thankful for muay Thai and how strong it has made me. I'm thankful for sparring and good bruises. i'm thankful for our loud and cheerful Irish instructor. I'm thankful for mouth guards and hand wraps.

I'm thankful that my mum gifted me with groceries the last time we hung out. I'm thankful that I understand the value of that now and I'm thankful that I wouldn't have been able to understand the value of that as a kid. I'm thankful for the five eggs my dad gave me that his two hens named Chicken and Egg laid. I'm thankful that I can't tell them apart and neither can anyone but I'm thankful that they're calming to watch and seemingly happy and give us food.

I'm thankful that I'm one of the older students in the male dominated STEM degree I'm undertaking. I'm thankful that my age made me feel as though I had some sort of authority over the guy that hit on me so I could turn him down while being direct but polite. I'm thankful that that authority is entirely imagined and I'm thankful that despite this it still helped me. I'm thankful we barely know each other and I'm thankful that I'm trying to be friends with him now even though he tried and failed to insult me directly afterward in an attempt to save face (I'm thankful that I recognized this as a tactic men use to protect their egos). I'm thankful my first instinct with a new person is to be friends with them. I'm thankful that I experience fear sometimes and I'm thankful that when I do I can make myself push past it most of the time. I'm thankful that motivation comes after action.

I'm thankful that turning down the STEM man reminded me of being nineteen and overweight and experiencing my first time rejecting someone, which was painful and surprising in its pain. I'm thankful (except not really) that I was shocked my friend had a crush on me, was attracted to me, so much so that I laughed and rolled my eyes when he shakingly told me because I thought he was genuinely joking. I'm thankful that he choked up a little and opened his arms for a hug instead of lashing out angrily and ending our friendship after my rejection. I'm so thankful that we're still friends now. I'm thankful for how gentle he is and always has been.

I'm thankful that I've successfully deluded myself into believing that I'm average height when the truth is that I'm probably just a little bit shorter than average height. I'm thankful for R who is well above average height or who feels well above average height when I'm near him because of my lack of height. I'm thankful for body heat. I'm thankful for semantic satiation.

- L (3/17/16). hatya.tumblr.com