thank you notes (L)

I'm thankful for our new bedframe and mattress that we were able to buy late last year, which unlike the old one doesn't collapse if you lean on the wrong slat; I'm thankful I got to help dismantle the old bed, to see just how broken it really was, and that I was able to laugh at it since we don't have to sleep on it any more.

I'm thankful for the first-year French grammar class I'm teaching this year, since it allows me to re-remember my previously half-forgotten French grammar skills while also showing the students new things. I'm thankful that I can feel myself growing in confidence week by week, both as a teacher and in my reinforced grammar knowledge. I'm thankful that in my mid-twenties I finally really understand the French subjunctive, and hopefully helped some university students understand it too.

I'm thankful I finally decided to buy my first fountain pen, mostly due to the influence of the Pen Addict podcast. I'm thankful for left-handed nibs, which although I'm 90% sure are just placebos, seem to enable me to write legibly with a fountain pen for the first time in my life. I'm thankful for graph-paper notebooks, which somehow make my writing look neater than lined and also provide stricter, strangely calming page borders.

I'm thankful for the job application I submitted for what looks on paper like my dream job, even though it's getting more likely I wasn't successful. I'm thankful for the opportunity to be ambitious, for the opportunity to try, to believe I could land the perfect job for me -- even for just a little while. 

I'm thankful for the Book Riot Read Harder Challenge, which allowed me to get back into reading after my PhD and has reminded me that I can still read fast and still read for pleasure. Relatedly, I'm thankful for the large number of book tokens I received for Christmas this year, meaning I can buy a far wider range of books than I could normally afford.

I'm thankful that sunny days are becoming more frequent, making the time I spent walking every day much more enjoyable. I'm thankful that I work in a location which is nice to walk around and which offers so much to see while I'm doing it. I'm thankful I can get reasonably priced coffee close by once I'm done walking.

Finally, I'm thankful that I submitted my PhD on time, incredibly tired but otherwise largely unscathed. I'm thankful for the break I had before I need to start preparing to defend it (i.e., right about now). I'm thankful that I did my PhD in the first place, and I'm thankful for the months I spent finishing it where life was subsumed and reduced to wake up-type-sleep-teach-type, since its absence, the space left in my life where I don't have to work on my thesis any more, can now be filled by all the things I had to postpone for the 4 years of research; reading for pleasure, going places, watching films, keeping up more-or-less with popular culture I enjoy, going to the park, going out for meals, mostly (but not entirely) free of the nagging internal narrative, 'you should be writing'. I'm thankful that I can acknowledge the work I have done, that is concrete and tangible, as I try and work out just what I can do with it. I've been a student for the entirety of my adult life, but I can't be a student much longer. It's time, they tell me, to find a fulfilling career, somehow. I'm thankful that I never really considered getting my PhD a means to a definite end, and I'm thankful that doing it will give me a number of options.

- L (2/22/16).