thank you notes (kflo)(2)

i'm thankful for the entirety of creation, even though i have no solid basis of the ""who?"" of creation. i'm thankful for people, for their capacity to believe and hold firmly those beliefs: how beliefs, when challenged, are defended by confidence, sometimes to the point of pressing others about its truthfulness, or as my open-minded friends would phrase it—""shoving their beliefs down our throats."" i'm thankful to recall a time in my life where i was once a person of firm, resolute belief: i fought to death, no, to a soul-sucking, throat-drying argument about my belief when i'm pressed/questioned about it. i'm thankful to remember that that was once a time in my life where i knew nothing about thought coherence, which i think is a useful knowledge in speaking aloud (and writing, eugh), and how i'd always ramble and yawp on about jesus christ, moses, and the ancient biblical patriarchy. i'm thankful that i'm cringing right now as i write this, but also equally thankful that i do still love jesus, that hecking cool dude. i'm thankful that i have the guts to describe jesus as a hecking cool dude for his meekness and, i don't know, calm tranquility??? this fills me with doubt, because now i realized i haven't read the bible in so long a time i forgot who bathsheba was, though i'm thankful to remember that i liked her name and thought that if she were alive in the 21st century, she'd be a nice, friendly woman to me. 

i'm thankful for the concept/idea of ""getting tired"" and how this idea is often preceded by another, which is ""getting out."" i'm thankful i got tired of the religion i was born in, or raised to believe  in (i.e., forced to believe in, tbh.), that i got out of it. i'm thankful that i have the... luxury? choice? wisdom? will? to do so. i'm thankful that i didn't resist my urge to discover new paths to spiritual enlightenment, which led me to unearthing my personal sacred rituals, which i'm also thankful for. i'm thankful that as of right now, i don't use the term religion loosely anymore as a way to describe any spiritual endeavor. i'm thankful that some people still has this particular air of respect/silent pride (which i think could also be alluded as a silent devotion) when it comes to talking about their spiritual practices and their gods. i'm thankful that these often involve some delicate combination of words (like kneeling, chanting, humming, folded hands, bowed heads, closed eyes, rosaries, devotional chapbooks, dancing, &c.) that never fail to make my heart flutter. i'm thankful for people's capacity to believe and just
know, even without the assurance of its veracity.

- kflo (4/7/16).