thank you notes (julia)

i’m thankful this week that even though d was late for work on one of the most stressful weeks of his year, he held me while i cried a little - for the stress of the dog, for forgetting a’s surgery. i’m thankful i could name it, that i didn’t feel like i could care for everyone the way they needed to be cared for. i’m thankful that although the dog had to pick this week to have some kind of psychotic break, i could think of the good things that we have from choosing this one, strange dog - how i have to leave the house to run or walk him each day, how happy he is when he’s off leash, how my phone is filled with all the pictures of the way he has to put his head on things. i’m thankful i have a job that will let me stay home when my dog can’t be left alone. 

i’m thankful for yoga today, for how hard it was because i hadn’t been in so long. for the reminder of how standing or sitting in a way that should be easy can be monumentally hard when you haven’t asked your body to do much. i’m thankful for the way these classes still end with a focus on our breath, but that we’re meant to also think of how we’re rocking our babies with every breath, rocking ourselves and the babies. i’m thankful for the woman who is almost due who gave me a card for her acupuncturist, even though i’d never considered one, because she obviously had gotten so much from this woman that she wanted to share. i’m thankful for stepping out of the studio and seeing a woman with a baby on her hip and the little ache for how ready i am. 

i’m thankful for baby kicks, which i finally discovered how to describe - like little waves, ripples in the depths of my stomach. and little waves too, a gesture - what i’d wanted since we first found out. a little reassurance that everything is okay. 

i’m thankful for justin’s name in my inbox for the first time in so long. that after i’d google him a few times a year, to see if i’d maybe stumble on something new that he’d written, that i got much more than that. i’m thankful for how happy i was to read he’d married someone who makes him so unmistakably happy. i’m thankful that this project is what came to my life this week, a week that at times felt so terribly bad, but now i had to notice had moments that were so terribly good. a reassurance that everything is okay.

- julia (1/9/16). i used to write here (tothesound.com) but haven't in so long