thank you notes (fsa)(9)

i am thankful for change.

i’m thankful for how everything changes and stays the same at the same time: how the fact that i am now married, have moved from one flat to another one, have a new dog, and am facing a huge change in my professional and academic life does not seem to impact the constancy of my (very boring) bar classes or the brisk cadence of my llm classes or my master classes that go on and on without me or the bills that still come every month. i am thankful for the friends that remain as loyal and diligent and present through all of this simply adapt to the hazards of a very pleasantly full life.

i am thankful for how much things have changed in this first month of being married. i am thankful for how i did not anticipate this. i am thankful to perceive now that although marriage was no big deal for me (because my love for j transcends and obliterates a status, a contract, even a sacrament), it was a big deal for everyone else and it makes perfect coherent sense for people to act differently around us. i am thankful for the way our relatives now approach us. i am thankful for feeling that i have leaped up into the generation above (the perks of being married), which comes with responsibilities and consequences that suit me (and us) very well. 

i am thankful that my love for j remains the same. i am thankful for not being thankful for my fear that j may take me for granted now. i am thankful that the fact that we no longer live and inhabit the space where our love first started to bloom and grew (my old flat) leaves a tangible brand in ours. i’m thankful for the possibilities of all things to grow and come in this new home.

i am thankful for life’s first-world luxuries, which seem mundane and obvious, and even necessary, but in perspective are not fundamental at all. i am thankful for gas to cook, for hot water and lazy showers in the morning to wish the cold of my bones away. i am thankful for electricity, and for the possibilities it encloses: communication, battery, internet, reading light at night. but i am especially thankful for having been able to happily endure over a week without any of this, and to simply cherish lounging in our new and then sparsely decorated living room at candle-light, puffing a joint and enjoying the company of each other and our dogs and contemplating the view. i am thankful for missing this quieter times. i am thankful for intermodal technology, and how i was able to keep my mobile alive through all of this by drinking life from other people’s laptops at work. i am thankful for eventually having power and being able to watch the new season of game of thrones. i am thankful for spoilers and the twinge of pleasure and pain i feel when i stumble upon them, wincing slightly but not too long - just long enough for a huge gasp and grin to emerge. i am thankful for the etymology of resurrection. i am thankful for life rising victorious after death. i am thankful for jon snow. i am thankful for the aesthetics of resurrection.

i am thankful for our new dog o, son of my mother’s dog s, which has the same personality. i am thankful for inescapable genetics, and how personality traits can be inherited in all species. i am thankful to find in o the same grin that i find in s. i am thankful for potty training, and diaper linings, detergent and hand moisturiser, which make a comeback after a two year pause. i am thankful that puppies are lower maintenance than babies. i am thankful that j wants a baby (as soon as possible, a kid, i just want to be a father and for you to be a mother and for us to be parents now) and i don’t want a baby (for now). i am thankful for controlling my reproductive health. i am thankful for birth control and the amount of choice we have. i am thankful for women’s rights. 

i am thankful for our new flat, and how the amount of work we’ve put in it makes us appreciate it the more… as everything falls into place. i’m thankful for how things sometimes fall literally into place. i am thankful for the flat getting cleaner, for the +80 boxes being taken away tomorrow, and for what remains of the move being the books that don’t fit in our office and are waiting for the new shelves to come. i am thankful for the amount of books we have. i am thankful that for the first time in my life i have an office, and a desk.

what i am most thankful for is the view. i never thought i would care so much for a view, but i love everything about it: the quietness, the sea, tagus river flowing straight into our living room, white specks of waves gleaming from the sunlight. the carnation bridge, just like golden  gate, humming low and steady in the distance from the traffic of cars and trains crossing. i am thankful for the blue of the sky and the blue of the sea invading our very white living room and painting a scenery like one of holidays. i am thankful for being serene and relaxed in our couch, giving in to the pleasure of being at home.

i am thankful that it’s been 6 months of jw’s thank you notes and four of my own, and being grateful is like being mindful: kind of making ourselves relaxed and present, and creating in our mind a sense of home.

f.

- fsa (5/5/16).

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