thank you notes (c)(4)

i'm thankful that my university found my missing package. i'm thankful that it was sitting in a locked closet no one had checked for it after it had been misdirected to the wrong building. i'm thankful for the slight humor bureaucracy and its nuances bring me such as the fact that i had to file a form to have people look for my package and that once it was found, the people that found it were not permitted to touch it. nonetheless, i'm thankful my package is here now and that i got to use my new steamer that works surprisingly well for $20.

i'm thankful that last night i had a sudden strong wave of loneliness and what might be categorized as an anxiety attack. i'm thankful for the metro which i rode back and forth and sat at the stations watching trains go by while i tried to calm myself down. i'm thankful to have felt outside of myself, to have felt like my skin was crawling; like i'd been electrocuted and maybe was drowning. i'm thankful that despite everything going on, i pulled out my notebook and wrote down things i was thankful for:

> i'm thankful for the warm-sticky heat of the metro tunnel, for its strange properties that prevent you from sweating, yet perpetuate a feeling of light-headedness.

>

> i'm thankful for the relative quiet of the station; for its lack of sound aside from the occasional conversation or station announcement.

>

> i'm thankful for the hissing brakes of the trains which occasionally come by, bellowing a smell of dirty iron--like a nickel pressed against sweaty palms.

>

> i'm thankful for the sweet smell of krispy kreme doughnuts that permeates through this station, for topside lies the only krispy kreme in the city.

>

> i'm thankful the trains run so far apart; that they go and then the station is empty. i'm thankful that i get to watch them fill up again with people dressed up and excited to go out; people dressed up and exhausted going home.

i'm thankful for the craving i got last night for red wine while i was sitting watching the trains go by.

i'm thankful to feel some guilt for tricking a guy into buying me a bottle of wine. i'm thankful the guilt isn't quite strong enough to make me any less excited to have the bottle of wine come friday or saturday.

i'm thankful to have gotten all of my work done today even though i didn't feel like working at all--and i mean it is labor day after all.

i'm thankful for the week ahead, which will bring with it a rush of new things. i'm thankful for the waxing of excitement i feel building up. i'm thankful to feel excited for once; for i haven't felt excited for months. i'm thankful that excited is no longer just an adjective i use to talk about the new and interesting things before me, but rather it's a verb. a verb i'm living.

i'm thankful and i'm excited and i love you.

- c (09/05/2016).

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