thank you notes 8/12(nsfw?)

i'm thankful for the sex dream i had about taylor swift last night. i'm thankful for how magical the concept of the wet dream sounded to me when i first learned about it as a horny teenager—the idea that you could orgasm without touching yourself, based solely on subconscious images playing inside your mind. i'm thankful that i rarely had wet dreams as a horny teenager (or as an adult), even though i would have liked to have had more of them, since that made the ones i had occasionally more special and noteworthy. 

i'm thankful that my sex dream last night wasn't a wet dream, since as an adult the idea of shooting jizz into my sheets is less exciting than it once was. i'm thankful for the weird dimly lit messy college house party-ish location where the sex dream took place, which in the dream was supposedly the place where taylor lived, even though that is a laughable and bizarre place to imagine taylor living. i'm thankful to imagine how perpetually neat and spotless her various real world living spaces must be. 

i'm thankful that in the dream, taylor and was wearing her shiny metallic dress from the met ball and couldn't stop touching me and whispering warm wet nothings into my ear, which some meta part of my brain found even more arousing since i generally in waking life think of taylor as the second most sexless modern pop star (first is carly rae jepsen). i'm thankful that though this was a big barrier for me liking taylor's music at first, i got over it, partly because she's a talented musician and partly because of a realization that it's wrong to need female artists to function as fetish objects for my fantasies rather than independent agents. 

(i'm thankful also that you can only discipline or control your desires so much, that sexuality is such a weird stew of subconscious images and conditioning)(i'm thankful, still though, for the line in "wildest dreams" where taylor sings "his hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room," which always makes me laugh when i hear it, since i know the latter part of is supposed to imply getting naked, but it seems like such a strange disembodied step back in sensuality from the closeness of hands being in hair)(i'm thankful for the "style" video, which i think is her sexiest work as an artist)

i'm thankful that taylor insisted on us fucking on a table (i think my kitchen table growing up) right in the middle of the party, with people all around us watching, even though in waking life, i don't think of myself as a sexual exhibitionist or even like being around large groups of people nonsexually. i'm thankful for the erotic peak of the dream, or at least the one i can remember after breakfast as i sit in bed typing this, which was when we switched positions and i sat down in a hard wooden dining room chair and she gently slipped onto me and rode me up and down and up and down, her arms pressing into my shoulders for leverage, her metal dress catching glimmers of light, her skin dewy with sweat.