thank you notes 7/12
i'm thankful that i got through yesterday, which was my first real day at my new job after my training and the hardest day by far so far. i'm thankful to have felt like i was going a hundred miles an hour just to keep up with the flow of traffic, which, though it didn't feel good and was very stressful, i have to assume is good for me cognitively (brain exercise) or at least better than at my last job, where i rarely felt like i was using more than 10 or 15% of my available mental power.
i'm thankful that though yesterday was hard, i got through it, and i know that if today is hard, which it probably will be, it will eventually end and i'll have gotten through it and will be stronger for it. i'm thankful to just accept that maybe things will be hard at work for a while and to try to find handholds in the mountain of that place rather than trying to fight or escape the feeling in my mind. i'm thankful for my coworkers, who offered supportive banter and emojis in our group chat and answered questions when i had them. i'm thankful that i took a real lunch break for the first time yesterday and thankful that i did yoga and meditated during it, which briefly made me feel better.
i'm thankful to d, who was very understanding when i burned the stovetop popcorn i was trying to make us as a snack yesterday afternoon when i got distracted by my computer pinging with work. i'm thankful for the intensity of the lingering smell of burned popcorn that hit me hours later when i reentered the house after taking the trash and recycling down to the street (i'm thankful that i packed and readied them on sunday and so didn't have to do that yesterday). i'm thankful that we're having cold cut sandwiches for dinner this week, which are easy and intensely satisfying even if they aren't good for you.
i'm thankful for the pleasant routine of watching this week's kardashians while eating a sandwich. i'm thankful for the focus on kim and kanye's relationship in the episode. i'm thankful for kim's display of resistance to kanye's insistence that she have a third child and for the frank but funny conversation she has with scott about the effects of childbirth on sex—i'm thankful for conversations like this, as well as episodes like (if we were naming them like friends episodes) 'the one about pegging.' i'm thankful for the way kim shuts down kourtney's worry about the effect of airplane radiation on kids by saying, "nothing's good, you know, just don't breathe," in a tone that both empathizes (or at least doesn't completely ridicule) kourtney's irrational fears, but also provides a different way of dealing with them.
i'm thankful for the part of the episode when kim is talking about the importance of her creative connection with kanye. i'm thankful for his appreciation of her as an agent rather than an object. i'm thankful for d, whose love made it possible (made it necessary) for me to reimagine what my work is and why i make it and how it fits in the world. i'm thankful, since kim and kanye are two of my favorite artists, that they like to support each other and be involved in each other's work whenever possible, even if that involves taking a helicopter to the top of a glacier in iceland: i'm thankful to think of marina and ulay meeting at the center of the great wall of china.
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