thank you notes 5/12
i'm thankful that i wore a bright green uniqlo t-shirt with a copy of an andy warhol copy of a brillo pad advertisement to work today. i'm thankful for the mental exercise i employed this morning when deciding whether to wear the t-shirt or wear something more "work-appropriate," which is inspired by an ebook about CBT that i kind of skimmed a chapter of one time.
i'm thankful that i developed the exercise in a difficult moment when d was really stressed out by this freelance project with a client that was going on much longer than expected and was full of complex issues. i'm thankful for how d wanted to assert herself and be more direct about the issues she was having and ask for better compensation since the work seemed to be above and beyond what her contract had indicated, but felt very stressed out by the prospect of doing so. i'm thankful that to try to help her get through it, i said, "okay, let's game out what the worst thing that could happen would be, and also what the most likely thing to happen is."
i'm thankful that thinking about the worst possible thing seems like a bad idea if you're stressed out, a pathway to catastrophizing, but thankful that actually, in my experience, it's not. i'm thankful for how specifically detailing what the worst possible outcome would be can defang it, thankful for how picturing a specific negative outcome (and either saying it out loud or writing it down, excreting it from your brain in the form of language) is almost always much less scary than the abstract nebulous negative mass of "OH MY GOD WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN THE WORLD IS ENDING" panic that courses through your synapses when you're stressed out.
i'm thankful, also, for the way that sometimes you can go even further and realize that the worst possible outcome might not even be that bad. i'm thankful in the case of d's project, in which she was worried about asking for more money and for a clearer workflow and schedule for deliverables, we decided that the worst possible thing we could think of would that the client would be offended by the request and say that no she couldn't have more money and that the client would find another designer to complete the project.
i'm thankful to have pointed to the silver lining of that, which was that she would be released from this very stressful project and could go back to spending her free time doing things that made her happy, so that actually the worst outcome wouldn't be that bad at all. i'm thankful that, furthermore, we decided that the most likely outcome would be that, since she was already so enmeshed in the project and had been doing a really great job and going above and beyond, the client would probably agree to give her more money and a clearer workflow and schedule for deliverables, which would make the project less stressful and would help her save more money to pay off her student loans (which was the primary driver for her freelancing). i'm thankful that after we talked about this and she took some deep breaths, she sent the email and thankful that after a few more emails back and forth with the client, she was making more money with a clearer workflow and schedule for deliverables.
i'm thankful that i went through a similar (if much less fraught) process this morning with the andy warhol brillo pad ad t-shirt. i'm thankful that i thought about what the worst thing that could happen would be, which, since i have very good job security and since there is no path to advancement here (so i don't have to dress to impress), would probably be that my very nice manager, who often wears t-shirts herself, would say, "hey justin, that t-shirt's not really work appropriate--could you not wear it in the future?" and i would say "sure, no problem!" i'm thankful that i decided that the most likely outcome would be that no one would notice or care (which seems to be the case so far) or that possibly a staff member in another office with no power over me might notice and say something slightly salty in passing, in which cause i would politely laugh and acknowledge the statement and then walk away.
i'm thankful to remember the first summer i was working here when there was a hundred degree day and i wore a pair of nice gray summer shorts with the oxford shirt that was my uniform then. i'm thankful to remember going to the water fountain in the hallway to refill my bottle and being behind a staff member from another office, who turned and looked at me and gave me the stink-eye and said "you're wearing shorts to work?" i'm thankful i, taken aback, said, "well, they're a...formal short" (since they weren't like, cargo khakis or anything) and the staff member literally snorted at that phrase as she walked away and said "formal shot?" under her breath, which, in retrospect, fair enough.
i'm thankful that i later learned that the dress code for that staff member's office was much stricter than ours, so that maybe her derision was actually envy (i'm thankful she and i are on much friendlier terms now). i'm thankful that i learned later that someone from the office (maybe her) had said something to my manager about me wearing the shorts and thankful that i found out from another coworker that my manager said, "he does a good job and that's all i care about." i'm thankful, though, to have not worn those shorts since then, partly because i don't want my manager to have to hear a comment about my attire, but partly because i have decided they are too short and tight and really aren't appropriate for the office. i'm thankful for light, breathable cotton.
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