thank you notes 2/14
i'm thankful that i ripped our fitted sheet with my heels. i'm thankful, i guess, for this testament to the strength of my legs, that i always eventually rip our fitted sheet with my heels at some point and we have to buy a new one. i'm thankful that when we got to target, we were struck with the common dilemma of not being able to remember whether we have a full-size bed or a queen-size bed. i'm thankful for occasionally repeated experiences like this one, experiences that require you to remember a bit of special knowledge each time you handle them but happen with just enough time in between them that you can't remember how you handled them the previous time and have to strain to recall and relearn the bit of special knowledge all over again. i'm thankful to imagine a much more banal version of memento, in which i tattoo myself with phrases like "you have a queen-size bed" and "your spotify password: ***********" and "there are 3 teaspoons in a tablespoon and 4 cups in a quart and 16 cups in a gallon" and "your height is 5'6"" (i'm thankful that nurses taking my weight at doctor's offices are always shocked when i don't know my height, even though the only time i ever need to know my height is to give it to nurses at doctor's offices). i'm thankful, when i asked d what kind of sheets we needed, since she is more likely to remember these kinds of things than me without crazy imaginary tattoos, for her quick, confident assertion that our bed is a full-size bed.
i'm thankful that when we got home, after a lunch of homemade egg mcmuffins and frozen hashbrowns (i'm thankful that d told me that though she loved egg mcmuffins, she had never before in her life bought a package of english muffins from the store, thankful that i could provide her with this fresh experience), i excitedly did a large load of whites (i'm thankful that our washing machine is working again). i'm thankful for how brilliant and clean the new sheets looked against the dinginess of our old pillowcases, like the difference between just fallen snow and the stuff that collects in the gutter.
i'm thankful for the experience of fitting the fitted sheet onto the mattress after the laundry was done, a trial which i always enjoy completing for the satisfaction of completion, for the way it sort of puts a bow on the process of doing a load of whites. i'm thankful that i first figured out which side of the fitted sheet was the long side and which was the short side, as one always must do with fitted sheets, and then neatly fitted the corners of the short side onto the corners of the foot of the bed, tucking their edges between the mattress and the box spring. i'm thankful that because the head of our bed is stuck into a kind of recessed alcove, i couldn't get beside the head of the bed, and so either had to lean from the edge of the recess or climb on the bed on my knees and then quickly jump into the air while at the same time pulling the sheet to the corner. i'm thankful i leaned in to tuck in the the fitted sheet at the right side of the head of the bed and it fit neatly and snugly. i'm thankful that i then went around to the left side of the bed and tried to lean in and repeat the process, but found that i could not get the sheet to pull far enough to get it over the final corner. i'm thankful i was reminded of the experience of lifting and pulling pizza dough to try to get it to stretch to the edge of the pan
i'm thankful that, leaning in not working, i climbed onto the bed on my knees and and began quickly jumping into the air while at the same time pulling the sheet to the corner. i'm thankful that despite doing this several times, i just could not seem to get the sheet over the final corner, even though, as i turned and examined the other corners, it seemed to fit just fine over all of them, which seemed to me to indicate that if i could apply enough force to the sheet, it should fit perfectly over the final corner.
i'm thankful that as i strained with all my strength to force the new sheet over the final corner, finally, as i slipped the edge of it over the mattress and then yanked it down into place, it ripped. i'm thankful for profanity, which is always a balm in moments such as this. i'm thankful that, though it ripped, the elastic edge held and the top of the corner was still intact, so that even if what was in between them was torn and frayed, i was able to make the fitted sheet ultimately, in a way, fit.
i'm thankful that after the fitted sheet ripped, i sat on the floor by the bed and got my phone and searched my amazon order history for the last time i ordered a fitted sheet (which of course i should have done at the beginning of this experience) and discovered that last time i ordered a fitted sheet, i ordered a queen-size fitted sheet. i'm thankful i went ahead and ordered another one to keep in reserve in case this one rips worse and becomes unusable sometime soon, but i'm thankful that for now, because the head of our bed is stuck into a kind of recessed alcove, the rip in the left head corner isn't visible and that, because of this, the rip, unlike the rip that my heels eventually put in all of our fitted sheets, doesn't bother me with its presence (or non-presence).
i'm thankful that on the same trip to target, we bought new furnace filters to replace our old ones, a task which has been on the to-do list in my inbox that i look at every day many times a day for at least a month and a half. i'm thankful for the depth of the satisfaction of finally swiping that item away. i'm thankful that the task of replacing the furnace filters, even if it required the annoying step of moving our bikes and their assorted paraphernalia and other random junk (shoes, a dirty blue plastic rain cover, a rolled-up rug that our landlord lent us without us asking for it to be lent) out of the mud room so that the door in the floor to the basement could be opened, was, by contrast to the fitted sheet fitting experience, a simple, error-free process. i'm thankful that we bought nicer furnace filters than the ones our landlord initially furnished, thankful that the new filters, according to the packaging and an article i read in the first page of google search results for "how often to replace furnace filters," are supposed to do a better job of catching allergens and will last for three months, which means that we will not have to buy or replace them again this winter. i'm thankful to think that in three months, which seems like such a long time and yet at the same time also not, it will be warm again, the month of may, our town in bloom. i'm thankful to wonder whether by then i will have torn a hole in our new fitted sheet with my heels.
i'm thankful, since this was clearly a day of getting things done, that in the afternoon d gave me a haircut in the middle of our kitchen. i'm thankful that i got a haircut, because i really needed one, because wearing a balaclava covered with my jacket hood squished under my helmet to bike to work every day lately has meant that every day lately i have had terrible hat hair, which makes me feel unattractive and unhappy. i'm thankful for the relief of d carving off chunks of my hair with the electric clippers, to feel their weight fall away from my body.
i'm thankful that after she finished giving me the haircut, i asked d to vacuum the clippings off my back using the hose of the vacuum, because i wanted to finish cleaning the house before i took a shower but didn't want to spread my hair everywhere. i'm thankful that for a moment she seemed unsure about how to operate the vacuum and started to say "how do i" and thankful that i interrupted her, laughing with manic glee, and said "this is proof of what a good husband i am, that my wife doesn't even know how to turn on the vacuum cleaner!" i'm thankful that she laughed and i turned on the vacuum cleaner for her and she vacuumed the clippings off my back, thankful that while she worked at sucking away the gross hair trash on my back, i thought about how this would be a perfect item for my notes. i'm thankful, after she was done, that i was so excited about this that i said it again to rub it in, after which d clarified, in a strong, if slightly defensive tone, that she was asking whether the vacuum's blower chamber was attached to the hose or to the part at its base, that of course she knew how to turn on the vacuum, that she had vacuumed our house before. i'm thankful for how my hubris wilted in the presence of the truth, how i regretted ruining what could have been a perfect (if not entirely true) domestic note by my excess excitement.
i'm thankful that in that dog generator app screenshots she sent me in imessage, d got either "shetland sheepdog - strong barker, agile & sturdy, loving with its family" or "dachsund - playful, willful, excellent sense of smell" and i got "siberian husky - can run all day, highly independent-minded, willful," after which d wrote "SO TRUE!!!!!! SO TRUE."
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