thank you notes 1/9

i'm thankful that when i entered the gas station, there were no customers and the attendant was not present. i'm thankful that, having triggered the too-loud chime that rings when someone enters the store, i didn't have to negotiate the awkward tension that sometimes exists between properly acknowledging the gas station attendant on one side of the store and making a bee-line for the aisle with the candy on the opposite side of the store. i'm thankful, as my eyes scanned the candy selection, that i almost immediately settled on an extra-large size hershey's cookies and cream bar (i'm thankful that i find sugary cheap white chocolate to be satisfying and thankful that d shares this tendency with me). i'm thankful that i was able to make my dessert decision quickly rather than being stuck pondering my options. 

i'm thankful that when i went to the counter to check out, the attendant was still gone. i'm thankful that, as time went on and the attendant still did not appear, as the sound of traffic leaked in through the door from the rush hour outside, i briefly thought about just taking the chocolate bar and walking out. i'm thankful that i didn't do that(i'm thankful that i have never shoplifted, though i'm also thankful to hear the stories of people i know who stole as innocent children, such as when d shoplifted a bracelet and my friend jk took an abacus from a preschool classmate's cubby)(i'm thankful for the amazing tumblr k-hole d introduced me to which is the lifting scene). i'm thankful for the surprising sense of peace in the brightly-lit gas station as i stood there waiting, and yet i'm also thankful for the way that peace was ruptured (or maybe that's too violent, maybe just complicated) when two chinese men entered the gas station. i'm thankful for the way they smiled at me, and then thankful for the conversation they had that i listened to without really understanding but which seemed to be about the various lottery tickets on offer in the plexiglass case on the counter. i'm thankful for the way they pointed at different scratch-off tickets and made jokes to each other and laughed.

i'm thankful when the attendant bustled out from behind the bathroom door and stepped behind the counter. i'm thankful for the flustered way she said "i'm so sorry to have kept you waiting...i don't have a sign that i can put up to tell people to wait." i'm thankful that i smiled at her and told her, with as much kindness as i could embed into my vocal tone, that it was "totally okay." i'm thankful for "totally," which is my favorite intensifier, and i think the one that is best to use to comfort people who feel as if they have or are about to inconvenience you (i'm thankful to use "totally" a lot at work to assuage people's guilt at assigning me menial tasks). i'm thankful that as the attendant apologized to me again, i said, trying to elevate the issue from the personal to the global and express solidarity, "it's totally okay! it's crazy how the world acts like people don't need breaks. everybody has to go to the bathroom!" i'm thankful, after the last sentence came out of my mouth, how i felt briefly awkward for associating the time she was away as being spent in the bathroom, which felt like a breach of propriety, of the social contract, but i'm thankful that i said it, because afterward she beamed at me and said, "yes! and it's so hard when you're standing, like i am, and you really have to pee" and i'm thankful for the small performance of the i-have-to-pee dance she delivered to illustrate her plight as she finished ringing up my transaction. i'm thankful when people ask me if i need a receipt and i can say no.

i'm thankful that after leaving the restaurant i spent way too much money on takeout sushi for dinner. i'm thankful that the new restaurant i bought it from has the best sushi i have had so far in a small midwestern town, which is not really saying anything and yet, at the same time, is.  i'm thankful for thick slabs of buttery yellowtail sashimi. i'm thankful, over and after dinner, to have watched the big fat quiz of everything, which featured hilarious jokes from chelsea peretti, mel from bakeoff, richard ayoade, and several other very british comedians (noel fielding, jonathan ross, and some guy i hadn't heard of before but who was very funny). i'm thankful for the honor roll student in me who insisted on yelling out the correct answers to questions (american gothic is by grant wood! alfred nobel invented dynamite! buster keaton's feet were nailed down because a house was going to fall on him), even though the quiz show is a platform for jokes and i was not actually a contestant and d, the only other person present, did not really care. i'm thankful for the memory of family reunions with my cousins when i was a child, when, for some reason, the same episode of jeopardy aired on two different local channels at 7:00 and 7:30 each night, so that my cousins and i would sometimes, when feeling naughty, watch the early airing in a back bedroom and then come out to the living room for the later one and astound all with our knowledge. 

i'm thankful that, playing a quick round of darts before bed, i hit my first bullseye.