thank you notes 10/4

i'm thankful that my parents took us out to dinner last night, even though dinner was kind of a trigger for my shitty mood. i'm thankful that my parents, who have never had korean bbq, wanted to share korean bbq with d and i, who eat it often in bloomington and love it. i'm thankful for the ludicrous and ludicrously overpriced south beach restaurant's take on korean barbeque, even though it was lame as fuck. i'm thankful for my outrage at the absence of panchan and ssamjang and other essential elements of korean bbq; i'm thankful for the flavorless dipping sauces and how bullshit it was that they don't let you cook your own bulgogi and thankful for the dish which encapsulated the scam nature of the evening, which was a $15 order of shrimp that included literally exactly six naked un-dressed shrimp on a ceramic tray. i'm thankful that i was able to talk about my outrage at how bullshit this all was with my parents without offending them but instead by being offended on their behalf.

i'm thankful that i was mostly left alone to be in my shitty mood as we walked back to the car after dinner and drove home. i'm thankful that i was able to exit my shitty mood for long enough to watch an episode of the office and eat chocolate ice cream with whipped cream with my family. i'm thankful that the ice cream was very tasty and am thankful that my dad got up halfway through his bowl to get more whipped cream. i'm thankful that i went to the grocery store with my mom yesterday and got all of the sweet treats that my dad loves and doesn't normally get to eat. i'm thankful for oreos, for tiny powdered donuts, for apple jacks and corn pops, for whipped cream. i'm thankful to have watched my mom play journey, which she found enchanting if difficult. i'm thankful to have guided her through difficult parts and am thankful to know that when she tells me incredibly obvious mom things like "try walking on the shady side of the street so you don't get too hot on the way to the drugstore" and that annoys me, she is only telling me them because she loves me.

i'm thankful that my parents love me and i love them and they love d and d loves them. i'm very thankful for that, which, because it's never been in question, is something that i have a tendency to take for granted. i'm thankful that they want to spend so much time with us, even though sometimes so much is too much time for me, depending on the shittiness of my mood. i'm thankful that the biggest problem i have on vacation is being in a shitty mood for mostly arbitrary and small glitches of brain chemistry, since i could have much bigger problems. i'm thankful to have learned from this sad essay that robin williams and his wife said "goodnight, my love" to each other every night before bed, which is the same thing d and i say to each other every night before bed.

i'm thankful to know that i can only control my feelings so much and sometimes all i can do when i'm visited by a shitty mood is sit it out, as frustrating as that is, and wait for it to end. i'm thankful that though i'm in a shitty mood right now, i know that my shitty mood will eventually end, at least temporarily, and will probably do so sooner than later. i'm thankful to have the small hope that i will spend less of today in a shitty mood than i spent yesterday. i'm thankful to have achievable goals for my vacation. i'm thankful for the new york times article about how steve reich's yoga practice has informed his music. i'm thankful, since i haven't done yoga in several days, to do it today.