(naz)

I'm thankful I had the audacity to text R that night. I missed him, and I didn't want to cling to the idea of his being inside my head since high school. I'm thankful we talked about nonfiction book (he recommended me to read Teju Cole; we're on the same page) and movies and other mundane things we appreciate. I'm thankful he was welcoming although I had no idea whether he was slightly disturbed or not because he was reading and compiling links to academic paper. I'm thankful I dreamed about him twice: a weird but satisfying sex dream, another one is hiding under the table with my mom while telling her about the longtime man crush of mine that is R. I'm thankful it took me 20 years to get to know him when my presence is no longer embarrassing and I have values or ideas to offer. I'm thankful my friends are supportive when I told them I found "the most likely to be the one". Even though I know he thinks of me as an immature teen, I'm thankful for R, the light, the man.