keep looking
1. i beat the lightning temple in tears of the kingdom without ever looking at a strategy guide, which i haven't done yet for any of the other temples or any of the beasts in the first game. i'm thankful that i had completed 3/4 of the puzzles in the temple intuitively and then for a long while got very blocked on the last one because i couldn't figure out how to reroute a beam of light shooting down from the top of the temple into a receptor that would open a door and enable me to complete it. i'm thankful for the creative tools that the game gives you to solve problems, even if my idea to build a tower in the center of the stage with a mirror to reflect the light to the receptor, though it might have been possible, was misguided and difficult to construct and actually it turned out there was another light that was much easier to direct to the receptor, i just had to keep looking.
2. that my mom is playing breath of the wild, which is the first real 3D open world game she's ever played (at age 59), which entails so much learning and experimenting and difficulty, and she keeps telling me how much she's loving it, how she's constantly thinking about it and the only reason she doesn't bring her switch to work to play on her lunch break is she thinks it would be too hard to tear herself away from it. i'm thankful that my brother told her that it's always okay to look things up if she gets stuck, that everyone does it, and i'm thankful that she took that advice and also continues to keep looking, exploring this new world. i'm thankful to have taught her that she can use the map to identify the name of a shrine so that she can look up tips if she needs them.
3. i feel so shitty in my whole body about a problem with the project i'm working on that i haven't figured out yet and nobody else can help me with because i'm the only person that understands it and it's the end of the sprint and i was so sure i was going to have it done and ughhhh but i know this is temporary and i also need to recognize for myself that historically this stretch up till labor day is the time at which my body seems to process anxiety and stress the worst (which i have never been able to identify a reason for—some hidden allergen? submerged trauma from years of hating going to school? sweating too much during exercise and losing important minerals?—despite trying to work with multiple doctors on it) and try to be gentler with myself as much as my nervous system will let me and also hope/pray/plead that if i keep looking i'll find what i'm looking for.
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